Voyager Torture: The Cloud (Season 1, Episode 6)


Voyager Torture features Vincent reviewing an episode of Star Trek Voyager that he’s seen for the first time and Chris Piers creating a drawing based solely on Vincent’s review and never having seen the show.

I’ve blanked out most of this episode from my mind already, but here’s what I remember. Captain Janeway and crew decide it’s a good idea to investigate some dumb space cloud instead of doing more important things like trying to get home. It’s not like if they did find a way home that everyone would ask, “Why didn’t you check out the space clouds? Where is all your space cloud data?!”

While in the space cloud they’re attacked by some CGI or some shit and they get the hell out of there. They only realize later that the cloud is actually a living creature. They ask the Doctor if they hurt it and he basically says, “You shot it up with phasers and photon torpedoes. Of course you did, you Dummies.”


There’s a subplot here which is hurts my brain like my head got put in a vice by a mobster. They must conserve power, so they can’t use the replicators as much. That’s why Neelix is allowed to start a kitchen. However, there’s a scene with Harry Kim and Tom Paris where they are playing pool in a dirty pool hall in the holodeck, instead of using a real pool table in a rec room which I’m sure would take up a lot less power (even if they had to make the table using a replicator).

How is this explained away? The holodeck runs on a different power generator and that one is completely incompatible with the rest of the ship. The fucking writers cheated! Star Trek has always been about rerouting power, even from life support, yet they wouldn’t be able to get any from a holodeck? Thank the stars that your Dixon Hill holo adventure can keep running during a Borg attack!

Uh oh what happens? They go back to the cloud and heal it using beams and stuff. Who gives a shit?

Oh yeah and Janeway finds her spirit animal. And to make matters worse, Neelix dubs himself the Chief Morale Officer. If I were on this ship I’d just transport myself into space at this point.

Least Annoying Characters:

The Doctor – Everyone else is an asshole for acting like the power thing is logical.

How Close was Chris: Chris has perfectly captured this episode of Star Trek: Voyager.

Most Torturous Moment:

The power thing. Everything about it.

Torture Score: 5 out of 5 Neelixes


  • AGilford

    Ummm. The reason they investigated the cloud/nebula was to harness energy from it to replenish their supplies. This ep contained one of the greatest Voyager Janeway lines: “There’s coffee in that nebula!”

    Hang onto that thought about the Star Trek holodeck power supply, though. You’ll need it later, and not in a good way.
    What we did see in this ep was Janeway’s compassion and respect for all life and the lengths she’ll go to, to correct wrongs. This is very important aspect of her character in later episodes. Also, the growing ability of the Doctor to think “outside” of his programmed parameters is further explored.

  • “I’ve blanked out most of this episode from my mind already, but here’s what I remember.”

    The failed logic of the holodeck combined with Neelix deeming himself morale officer had the combined effect of blanking out parts of my mind like someone who has suffered severe trauma. And come on, Nebulas provide power? Since when? Couldn’t they harness more power from something like a star?

  • AGilford

    The nebula contained high concentrations of omicron particles. I will grant that the writers seemed to develop an unhealthy fixation on Janeway and nebulas.

  • I just came up with a solution. Program the holodeck to have a generator and then run a cable from outside into the holodeck, hook it up and bam, you’re siphoning energy from the magic holodeck!

  • Chris Piers

    It sounds extremely lazy for the writers to leave themselves with the holodeck. “Yeah, the premise is they’re struggling to get home on a damaged ship. But what if I ever don’t feel like that and I wanna have Janeway meet Sherlock Holmes?”

  • That’s exactly what it is, and why I gave this 5 Neelix heads. It hurts my brain so much that they actually did this. You think an idea like that would have gotten shot down right away. “No, sorry that’s too implausible.” Instead you get to have your cake and eat it too.

  • Pete Pfau

    There’s a line in this episode that Neelix drops about them having a perfectly good starship and using it to find creatures that will rip it apart, and that line is basically the best thing about this whole episode.

    Also, hooray for cringe-worthy Native American tokenism!

  • Man, thanks for reminding me that I have to do more of these… sigh…