Transformers: Victory Episode 8 Recap – “Big City – Underground Terror”

That’s a pretty dope title. “Big City – Underground Terror.” But there’s no Kurt Russel throwing knives at Chinese demons. It’s just a bunch of Transformers punching each other again – but this time in subway tunnels! If you have a subway tunnel fetish, this episode is for YOU. To be fair, I think it’s actually all about focusing on the Breastforce’s chest animal gimmick. Because the Dinoforce don’t even appear in this one, just the Decepticons that have chest animals. Chest animals is what they call their breast plate that transform into animals. But it also sound vaguely like an STD. The episode begins in the Decepticon spaceship which is hanging out underwater. Leader Deathsaurus tells them he has a stealth mission for his team.

That'd be a first.

That’d be a first.

You know, since they always do?

You know, since they always do?

Leozack asks a pretty reasonable question. Any plans for if they encounter the Autobots? Deathsaurus tells him to just shut up and not worry about it. Can you imagine if the President did a State of the Union and just told everyone to shut up and not worry about what’s going on? Maybe that’s what it’s like in North Korea. Hold on… I’m putting things together here… The Decepticons are dicks.

Way to throw your men under the bus.

When were they all built, anyway?

Leozack stammers out that he was only asking because his troops are inexperienced. Wow. Way to throw your team under the bus, Leozack.

Just build a power plant.

Just build a power plant.

Regardless, Deathsaurus gives them their mission. Go to a subway in America and steal electricity. Sounds simple enough. How will they manage to screw this one up?

I bet he farted.

I bet he farted.

Leozack and his team walk the halls and Leozack sulks like a big baby. He whines about how Deathsaurus is making them act carefully. I guess without the Dinoforce around to act blatantly stupid, Leozack is acting bitchy to make up for it.

Also known as "moles."

Pouting mode ACTIVATED!

He’s upset that they’re supposed to hide and act quietly. He points out that they’re not “Earth-moles.” You may know them as “moles.”

What a hilarious exaggeration!

What a hilarious exaggeration!

Jallguar (hate that name) says that Deathsaurus probably has his reasons and Leozack FLIPS. THE HELL. OUT. He says he likes being more direct. I kinda like Leozack. He schemes to lead the Decepticons but isn’t an outright coward. He’s probably never going to be strong enough to be a threat for the leadership but the Megatron/Starscream dynamic was always the most interesting stuff with the Decepticons so it’s good to see the show return to those themes.

What a boring day.

What a boring day.

The Autobots are hanging out at their Shuttle Base. Each of the Brainmasters is checking on a monitor screen and letting their leader, Star Saber, know that every quadrant looks okay and no Decepticon activity spotted. What are they actually monitoring though? It’s not clear. Satellites? News reports? Who knows?  Star Saber wonders what’s going on in North America since they inexplicably don’t have a monitor report from there.

Peek a boo.

Peek a boo.

Over in America – where in America? Who knows? Best guess is it’s some sort of futuristic version of New York City because of skyscrapers and subways – the Decepticons are doing a TERRIBLE job at being stealthy. Killbison pops his head up from a grate to look around…

Too late, the train sees you.

Too late, the train sees you.

…And Jallguar is ripping out electric cables in a tunnel when a train starts bearing down on him. He thinks to himself that it wouldn’t be good to get hit because his job is to be discreet. A bit late for that! The train conductor sees him and throws on the brakes but Jallguar jumps up through the ceiling, raining debris down for it to crash into. And where did he jump up to?

About as good as the Dinoforce would manage.

About as good as the Dinoforce would manage.

Right into a second tunnel where he sends the commuters fleeing in terror. I don’t see how they could bring any more attention to themselves. It’s like they tossed the plan in the garbage on the way over. These guys are terrible at this.

Hundreds died.

Hundreds died.

Drillhorn drills across another tunnel, collapsing some debris and making a second train crash. Wow. I don’t know how much worse they could do, even if they tried.

Total planning time = 14 days.

Total planning time = 14 days.

Meanwhile, at Shuttle Base, Jean is hanging out on the base saying he needs help. Red Hot drives right up and extends his fire truck ladder to Jean, then lowers him and Stakeout puts him in Fixit the ambulance. It takes about 5 seconds and Stakeout declares that their training exercise is complete but they need to be faster. I really don’t see how they could shave off any time. Maybe they could just shoot Jean and catch him when he drops and declare that a win.

To see the mole people!

To see the mole people!

The Rescue Patrol heads inside the base. Star Saber points out that there are some strange readings in North America. So whatever technology they use, this week it told them right away where the Decepticons were. Basically, the bad guys never even had a chance. The NSA could probably learn a thing or two from the Autobots. Laster wonders why they’d invade a subway. Well, you basically have two choices – to steal energy or plant bombs. What else have the Decepticons ever tried to do? Either way, you need to check on it.

Like you could have done any better.

Like you could have done any better.

The Autobots are able to pull up the tunnel schematics and point out that it’s really confusing down there. I’m sure you can handle it guys. You have robot memory brains.

Can his jets shoot him in the face?

Can his jets shoot him in the face?

Star Saber instantly figures out that the Decepticons chose the area so that they can’t beat up on them quite as easily. It’s unspoken, but I assume it means that they can’t merge into their bigger gestalt forms and smash crap up. That probably also explains why the Dinoforce are sitting this one out. Or maybe I’m applying logic where there is none, I don’t know.

So sneaky!

So sneaky!

Star Saber tells everyone to fly over there and off they go. Well, the Multiforce doesn’t join in. They are also unseen this episode. But who else does join in? That rascal Jean tags along, telling Stakeout to keep quiet about it. And he does. Because he knows Jean will be helpful? Doubtful. Guess Stakeout is just lazy.

Sing it, Sinatra.

Sing it, Sinatra.

Over in the subway, Leozack decides he’s bored. He just drops the electric cable he was stealing energy from and says he’ll do it his usual way. What’s his usual way?

Shooting random things? What a plan.

Shooting random things? What a plan.

Apparently his usual way is to just shoot everything up! He’s really proud of himself, too. He just starts shooting an empty tunnel and laughing happily. More power to you, weirdo.

More death.

More death.

Everything starts going boom. People are thrown around and I assume the casualties have to be fairly high. Two crashed trains and lots of explosions in a packed commuter area without easy exits. So that’s fun to think about.

Tonight, the Decepticons sleep with the fishes.

Tonight, the Decepticons sleep with the fishes.

The Autobots show up and declare to one another that they’ll beat up the Decepticons. Some things can go unspoken guys.

No shit.

No shit.

Star Saber exhibits why he’s the boss by telling his troops to go to the damaged areas of the subway. So no time to go shopping in Times Square?

A disappointed father-bot.

A disappointed father-bot.

He notices Jean and just sort of shrugs it off. He knows he’ll never keep this kid away and if he really cared he’d probably have given him over to an orphanage or something. He just tells him to stick with the Rescue Patrol while the rest of them do the real work. Not his exact words, but we can all read between the lines.

Ow, my back!

Ow, my back!

The Rescue Team goes to help the wounded civilians. The animation for this cracks me up. People are laying down, hurt, and Seawatch keeps grabbing them and dumping them in Fixit. I can only imagine he’s crippling people with serious spinal damage. He should just scoop them all in like garbage. Fixit runs back and forth to the hospital and what he calls “top speed” which sounds borerline reckless.

Sexy.

Sexy.

Star Saber flies in and sees a subway tunnel entrance and decides that’s as good a place as any to enter. It’s not the same place as the smoking wreckage with all the injured people. But Star Saber pretty much is always right so we just have to assume he knows all sorts of stuff that never gets mentioned on the show.

Recycling is good for the environment and good for tv.

Recycling is good for the environment and good for tv.

For the second time in this episode, we go through Star Saber’s full transformation sequence. This episode must need to kill a lot of time!

He's proud of his drill.

He’s proud of his drill.

Down in the tunnels, Drillhorn and Laster bump into each other right away. Drillhorn brags about his most prominent feature – he has a drill. He will drill Laster. He’ll drill a hole in him! But when he tries, Laster just sort of steps to the side like it’s no big deal. Drillhorn takes out a support column and the roof collapses on Laster. Cut to commercial break. As soon as the show comes back, Laster just shrugs the rubble off no problem.

Then why not help your chest animal and really let him have it?

Then why not help your chest animal and really let him have it?

So Drillhorn ejects his breast plate which transforms into a rhinoceros. He seems confident that he’s won this match just by doing that.

Oh, it's a useless gimmick.

Oh, it’s a useless gimmick.

Laster’s response? “So what.” Ha ha ha! That’s the gimmick this whole episode is promoting and one of the good guys doesn’t even give a crap.

So Star Saber. You aren't... retarded.

So Star Saber. You aren’t… retarded.

Meanwhile, Deathsaurus himself is down in the tunnels, too! He’s in his dragon mode and suddenly notices Star Saber was walked up behind him. Star Saber can only be in his “middle” robot mode, because there isn’t enough space to transform into his full Big Billy Badass self. Instead, his “V-Star” component just trails behind him like a sad balloon. Usually Deathsaurus is portrayed as gigantic but somehow he does fit in the tunnels. This show gives zero shits about consistent size.

Let's see how well that holds up.

Let’s see how well that holds up.

Deathsaurus has gone to some sort of underground power station. I don’t think subways actually have those? Either way, he points out that if Star Saber really tries to fight at full strength, all he’ll do is blow everything up.

As close to "Eat this" as we get this time.

As close to “Eat this” as we get this time.

Deathsaurus does this thing where he shoots a piece of his wing at Star Saber and just magically grows another. But Star Saber catches it and throws it back. So… it’s not very effective. Deathsaurus knocks it down in mid-air with a second wing scale.

This episode's all about chest animals, kids!

This episode’s all about chest animals, kids!

He then ejects both his eagle and tiger breast animals. The two little guys clamp down on Star Saber’s arms and mildly harass him. Deathsaurus sets up something that looks like a glass beaker and starts siphoning energy. Looks like evil wins today.

With your tank nose?

With your tank nose?

In another tunnel, Killbison is rolling around saying he smells energy. Dude, you are going so slow. Everyone else is already stealing energy and you’re only just sensing it? Upgrade those tank smell sensors.

Hump-a-tron!

Hump-a-tron!

Blacker just walks up behind him and… I don’t know, humps him? He straddles Killbison and rides him. So Killbison has good smell sensors but terrible everything else sensors.

He bent my wookie.

He bent my wookie.

Killbison scoots free and smashes Blacker up against a wall but then Blacker bends his penises tank turrets backwards. Killbison whines about how now he can’t shoot anymore. It’s your own fault for going cheap on your tank barrels. Everyone told you aluminum was never the way to go.

Yee-haw, cowboy!

Yee-haw, cowboy!

Blacker suddenly makes like a cowboy and pulls a lasso out of his ass, tying up Killbison and dragging him away. Wow. So the Autobots are going to have a prisoner to interrogate? Not bad.

Doctor said I need a backiotomy.

Doctor said I need a backiotomy.

After being dragged for a while, Killbison remembers that he’s a transformer and transforms into a robot, which also somehow undoes the lasso. Then he releases his chest animal, a bison (clever!). Blacker beats on the poor animal.

And you smell bad, too.

And you smell bad, too.

Killbison just leaves and gets to work on stealing some energy. Leozack walks up and insults him for no reason.

Ankle biter.

Ankle biter.

Blacker simply follows Killbison and now Leozack releases his chest animal, a lion, and they all gang up on Blacker. He fares worse this time.

Snoozy side plot.

Snoozy side plot.

During the fighting, it causes an escalator to collapse. A kid cries for her mother while a total weirdo in a space suit hangs out behind her. This really doesn’t feel like a big deal. There’s often several exits to a tunnel. And the fighting isn’t going on near the bystanders.

I don't care.

I don’t care.

Fixit worries about what to do so he calls Stakeout. Stakeout isn’t anything special but no wonder he’s the boss of the Rescue Team if Fixit can’t figure out that he could just transform into a robot and lift people up.

Is he surprised?

Is he surprised?

Back at the power plant area, Deathsaurus seems frustrated and surprised that Star Saber doesn’t just leave. He really needs help managing realistic expectations.

Observation mode ON!

Observation mode ON!

Star Saber realizes that Deathsaurus himself isn’t fighting that well and that he is weaker without his chest animals. How did Star Saber ever defeat Deathsaurus all those years ago when he sealed Deathsaurus’ “castle” in the Dark Nebula? He’s acting like he doesn’t know much about Deathsaurus but they’ve both referred to battles in the past. Strange!

No, you do it.

No, you do it.

While Star Saber is harassed by the little chest animal critters, he tells V-Star (who is part of him, not really a separate entity) to attack Deathsaurus. It floats around and is generally useless.

Ouch!

Ouch!

But apparently it’s enough of a distraction for Star Saber to pull out his sword and throw it into Deathsaurus’ chest! Without his chest plate, he really takes it straight to the heart! It doesn’t kill him but it sure looks like it should have. Japanese kids everywhere began throwing swords into their friends’ chests, knowing it would only provide a minor flesh wound.

Wimp.

Wimp.

Damaged, Deathsaurus has his chest animals return to him and he grabs the mostly full energy tank and declares that he’s leaving. I think he could have just left without announcing it so maybe he’s trying to hurt Star Saber’s feelings, too. Then Deathsaurus runs down a tunnel and Star Saber stands still, watching him go away. He does not chase him and finish him off because there’s still about 30 episodes left.

If we leave now, we can still catch Happy Hour.

If we leave now, we can still catch Happy Hour.

Don’t ask me how he knows, but Jallguar runs up to tell Killbison that Deathsaurus has left so they better leave too. They do so. Leozack wants to stay and fight but once all of his troops have left and he’s the only one standing, he realizes it’s pointless. He also retreats.

Didn't see that coming.

Didn’t see that coming.

Stakeout has Red Hot use his fire ladder to help everyone get upstairs. Good thing they established that earlier or none of us would have understood what that fire truck was doing.

Pep rally time.

Pep rally time.

The Decepticons are gone so Star Saber congratulates everyone and says that the energy theft was kept to a minimum. He’s probably lying. Everyone’s glass jars looked pretty full to me.

We should steal some energy from the subway!

We should steal some energy from the subway!

Laster points out that it will actually take them more energy to rebuild all the damage than it did to fight. So they all go home and rest up. No, of course they don’t. Star Saber orders them all to begin the rebuilding effort. Insurance companies everywhere thank Star Saber.

Happy to be given chores.

Happy to be given chores.

The team is only too happy to be ordered to clean up the city. Because they are good guys.