Transformers: Victory Episode 5 Recap – “Move Out! Rescue Team”

This episode starts off with the Decepticons, which is good because they’re more proactive. But it’s them “working out” by throwing coconuts at Yokuryu. So it’s the usual first act of robots doing very mundane stuff. I think this is to ground the episodes in something that isn’t as far fetched. It’s probably not why most people would watch Transformers, though. Still, we’re not most people, so let’s go ahead and watch the Dinoforce work out and see where this is all going.

An exciting game of tag to open the episode.

An exciting game of tag to open the episode.

Why don't they all ride their Pretender shells?

Why don’t they all ride their Pretender shells?

The Dinoforce are all hanging out on a nice Pacific island beach, wrestling and throwing coconuts. Goryu, the leader, taunts his team to work harder. He also reminds them he’s their leader, which he does every episode. Oh, in case you hadn’t picked up on it, the Dinoforce are quite stupid. In fact…

Catchy tune.

Catchy tune.

The dumbest is Kakuryu, the Triceratops. By the way, he’s a Triceratops with three horns in a row, which isn’t accurate but then again, I’m talking about a dinosaur that’s covered in cyborg parts and who is really just a shell for the actual Transformer who lives inside. He’s banging his head against a coconut tree and singing the theme song that closes out each episode of Victory. This was years before people used the term “meta” so I guess it was just an in-joke to amuse the kids watching the show.

Laugh here.

Laugh here.

And of course the tree falls down on top of him. That’s a joke for everyone.

I want to see a suplex from the top rope!

I want to see a suplex from the top rope!

Leozack flies in, transforms, and has a pretty good zing when he asks if they’re all “playing pro-wrestler.” I’m not sure what transforming robots should do for a workout but throwing coconuts is probably low on the list. Leozack has flown in to get the Dinoforce to back him up on his latest mission because there are pretty much no other Decepticon characters to use this season. Their roster is really sparse.

Thanks, Einstein.

Thanks, Einstein.

Leozack tells them that he’s smart and has a plan. He even points at his head to help them understand where ideas come from. What’s his big plan? It’s a secret. The Dinoforce isn’t exactly sold on the idea but go along with it anyway. These are definitely troops that would start smoking or jump off a bridge if everyone else was doing it. The Dinoforce is quite stupid.

Just cruising around in our space shuttle base.

Just cruising around in our space shuttle base.

Just like the image above says, three more Autobots are about to teleport over to the Autobot’s roving space shuttle base on Earth. They are Stakeout’s teammates. On the show they are called the Rescue Team, which is much better than the toy which called the Micromasters. Since they really don’t seem to be scaled smaller than any other vehicle, that name wouldn’t make much sense. That said? The scale of characters this week is totally borked. Sometimes the Rescue Team stand a bit taller than humans and other times they can transport dozens.

Go back to Friend School, you suck at it.

Go back to Friend School, you suck at it.

Jean has invited his classmate Illumina over to the Autobot base to show it to her but Stakeout keeps butting in to talk about it as well. Jean and Stakeout are ostensibly friends but they seriously never have a kind word to say to one another. Also, it’s pretty strange that Stakeout is so interested in a pre-teen human girl.

Ow! It hurts! It hurts to teleport!

Ow! It hurts! It hurts to teleport!

Stakeout and Jean decide to show Illumina the control room and they teleport there. Now that’s just lazy. They are all real casual about teleporting (well, Illumina says that it was exciting) but the very concept has always terrified me. It’s not like YOU are getting moved, right? Something is recording who you are and basically cloning all your information while destroying the original version.

Also? Jean's not very smart.

Also? Jean’s not very smart.

Illumina asks if Jean knows all the controls and he admits he only knows about half. So Stakeout butts in once more, bragging that he knows everything. What’s your ultimate goal here, Stakeout? To make your friend look like an idiot or to present yourself as a total creep?

Adorable.

Adorable.

Stakeout’s teammate’s show up and all casually greet him but he points out that he’s their leader and makes them snap to attention. He doesn’t really care, he’s just trying to impress Illumina. Jean comments that he never knew Stakeout was a leader. Stakeout and Jean may literally be the worst friends ever. By the way, you’re lucky to be reading this instead of watching because all four members of the Rescue Team have super high-pitched voices which grates on your nerves very quickly. Seen above are Seawatch, Red Hot, and Fixit. At least that’s what the English dub calls them. In Japanese their names are Boater, Fire, and Pipo. Not an improvement at all, so I’m glad the subtitles use the U.S. toy names.

That makes sense!

That makes sense!

They all begin transforming one at a time and explaining who they are and what they do. Fixit transforms into an ambulance and says his duty is fast first aid. Of course, since he’s just a vehicle, he could probably be a tank and accomplish the same goal. Red Hot is obviously a fire engine.

Very good, you ARE a Transformer.

Very good, you ARE a Transformer.

Seawatch transforms into a really mundane boat. I guess it’s actually more of a hydrofoil.

Why's that funny?

Why’s that funny?

Then Star Saber comes out and says to everyone that it’s their first time on Earth. After stating the obvious, Stakeout laughs as though he’s embarrassed. I don’t know why. Something is definitely missing in the translation here. My best guess is he’s embarrassed at getting caught acting like a big leader, even though he is technically in charge of the Rescue Team.

A little late to ask, but a good question.

A little late to ask, but a good question.

The Decepticons pull up to a park that’s kind of like Sea World. Only then does Goryu ask why they’re there. Apparently Leozack wants to take over this theme park. Wow. This is quite a step down from trying to capture an energy plant. Maybe next week the Decepticons will try to take over an abandoned public park in Detroit.

Piss poor logic as usual.

Piss poor logic as usual.

Goryu then immediately decides they might as well attack since they’re already there. So if you want your villains to have laziness as their primary motivation, you’re in luck!

That is a pretty big coincidence, actually.

That is a pretty big coincidence, actually.

Oh, and Illumina just happens to be there with 2 of her classmates. Talk about bad luck. They attacked her school because (I think) Jean and the Autobots were there. But this time they just picked a random location and the same kids happen to be there. Don’t buy any lottery tickets on the way home, kids.

Y'know, the thing about a shark, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes.

Y’know, the thing about a shark, he’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes.

The Dinoforce smash shit up, the one thing they’re capable of. Oh, but just to remind us that they’re really really stupid, Yokuryu gets scared when he sees an area’s entrance that’s mocked up to look like shark teeth. Too bad the Autobots weren’t there to witness this. All they have to do is build a sharkbot and the day is won.

Ugh, these lines are the worst.

Ugh, these lines are the worst.

The park goers flee to the boats (this Sea World is apparently just off the coast and is not attached to dry land!) but the Decepticons break them up. Some by accident – Kakuryu tries to climb onto one for fun but it breaks in half. So everyone’s panicking and bombs are going off and G.I. Joe is nowhere to be found so everyone’s in trouble.

Don't act surprised.

Don’t act surprised.

Blacker, the leader of the Brainmasters and second-in-command of all the Autobots on Earth, is on monitor duty and at least those work well because he instantly knows about the Decepticons attacking the water park. He seems surprised but not exactly shocked – bemused? – that the Decepticons would attack there of all places. He alerts Star Saber and all the Brainmasters and Rescue Team head out to save the humans.

I'm sure you'll be a huge help,  Jean.

I’m sure you’ll be a huge help, Jean.

As the Autobots take off, Jean calls for Star Saber who turns right around and asks what’s up. Jean hops in the cockpit and says he has to come along too since Illumina is there. Star Saber doesn’t even try to argue and takes him along. Someone help me here because my memory of the original Transformers cartoon isn’t great. Was Spike involved in EVERY episode? Because Jean sure inserts himself into the action despite having no special abilities.

Allow myself to introduce... myself.

Allow myself to introduce… myself.

Meanwhile, Leozack is making all sorts of weird proclamations about how cool he is. Whatever, buddy.

Cool, more hilarious laughs.

Cool, more hilarious laughs.

Oh, and the Dinoforce is bumbling about, bringing down pillars and ceilings. Kakuryu obviously bashes his brains in by knocking a pillar down on top of himself. The show would like to remind you that the Dinoforce is quite stupid.

...Musical guest - The Go Go's!

…Musical guest – The Go Go’s!

The Autobots arrive in style. Star Saber flies overhead while the rest of the team waterskis in, being dragged by Star Saber. Can you imagine how fast they must be going? They made the tactical decision to not teleport in but instead surprise the hell out of everyone by being waterskiing robots. That’s beyond the element of surprise and into the element of total confusion for the enemy.

Meanwhile, in St. Louis...

Meanwhile, in St. Louis…

Leozack is offended – OFFENDED – that the Autobots would actually try to stop him. He registers this complaint while delicately balancing on an arch that is not entirely unlike, but is not, the St. Louis arch.

Also, I don't care for your color scheme.

Also, I don’t care for your color scheme.

The Rescue Team is tasked by Star Saber with evacuating the people. Seawatch pilots himself at top speed towards the park, leaps and transforms and is instantly reprimanded by Stakeout to get back to being a boat. I can’t believe the show just wasted its time with that. Oh, and this is where the scale gets really weird. Even though the Rescue Team is all about the same size as robots, Seawatch becomes absolutely massive and transports dozens of people at a time. Also, despite being smaller robots than the Brainmasters, their vehicle modes are all roughly equal. I guess all Transformers can change size. But if they can do that, why do they need combiners?

Star Saber's always busting balls.

Star Saber’s always busting balls.

Star Saber tries to goad Leozack into battling him in the sky but Leozack wisely does not take the bait.

Actually, that's fairly smart!

Actually, that’s fairly smart!

Instead, he points out that he has an advantage as long as he’s fighting with innocent humans around. Why don’t more Decepticons fight dirty like this? I like it. However, the Brainmasters challenge the Dinoforce and they all head over to the beach to fight. Leozack is left with no real backup muscle.

Bonks and konks!

Bonks and konks!

The Brainmasters really pound the crap out of the Dinoforce while this is going on. Braver is swinging Doryu around by his tail and Laster is caving Kakuryu’s face in, among other violences.

That Micromaster sure got big.

That Micromaster sure got big.

This is one of the most popular theme parks ever, apparently. Seawatch can’t keep up with how many people he has to shuttle back and forth to the shore so Star Saber separates and allows his V-Star section to help with the transportation. Here’s the weird part – it pilots itself remotely. Just a couple episodes ago, he needed Jean to pilot it. Not anymore. They never create consistent rules on this show. It’s breaking me.

This fort sucks. Needs more pillows.

This fort sucks. Needs more pillows.

The collapsing ceiling almost crushes a little girl and Illumina dives on top of her. Maybe her dream is to get squashed with a little kid because there’s no way she’d help against the massive concrete above. It lands on a wobbly beam and traps them beneath. Jean runs around the park calling for her and after what seems like forever stumbles on her. Then he does nothing because he can’t lift hundreds of tons of concrete.

What a shocking development!

What a shocking development!

Star Saber, in his smaller robot mode, takes on Leozack. Leozack pulls out a badass nunchuk that wraps around Star Saber’s neck and electrocutes him. Not bad!

Stakeout forces the kids to run around his crotch.

Stakeout forces the kids to run around his crotch.

Stakeout eventually shows up to help Illumina and picks up the debris, ordering her to run “between his legs.” She does so and the mom is happy that her little girl isn’t jelly.

Beach party!

Beach party!

The Brainmasters eventually decide to merge into Road Caesar. It might be the first time I’ve seen the Autobots escalate a fight first. Of course, it really doesn’t help them at all because as soon as the three Autobots merge, the six Dinoforce members also decide to merge into Dinoking.

Shoving matches are not as cool as punches.

Shoving matches are not as cool as punches.

Dinoking is a bit bigger than Road Caesar but the two just sort of shove each other. No real punches or laser blasts to be seen here. Hope you got to see the dolphin show beforehand.

And haste makes waste.

And haste makes waste.

Eventually, Star Saber overpowers Leozack and has him seemingly at his mercy. But instead of killing him, Star Saber lectures Leozack.

All state baton twirling champs, '14!

All state baton twirling champs, ’14!

And that pause gives Leozack time to pull out a second weapon. He twirls his staff around like a real cheerleading champ. He also declares himself a hero for having a second weapon. He’s just talking nonsense.

Let's eat!

Let’s eat!

He misses with the second staff and simply reveals that he has a THIRD weapon. “Eat this!” he screams. But the last of the people have been evacuated so Star Saber powers up to his full stature and brings his sword down across Leozack, slicing his shoulder and arm open. Leozack opts to retreat. He sure didn’t have too much of a backup plan for the Autobots showing up other than deciding to carry three staffs instead of one.

Yeah, and the sky is blue.

Yeah, and the sky is blue.

Dinoking and Road Caesar grapple. As Dinoking watches Leozack fly away he stumbles very slightly on the wooden pier. This causes him to just give up. Not sure why. He wasn’t really losing. He just breaks up into the Dinoforce and they all swim away. Star Saber walks up and states what just happened.

Why not just steal an energy plant?

Why not just steal an energy plant?

Back at the Decepticon base, Leozack lies to Deathsaurus that he planned to create an energy conversion base (as compared to conquering the park for himself). The Dinoforce keep their mouths shut for no reason.

Sweet fireplace, bro.

Sweet fireplace, bro.

Deathsaurus doesn’t say a single thing, he just walks away. He’s probably depressed that he only has losers working for him. Best guess is he’s going to cry himself to sleep.

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

At the park, Star Saber is pleased that there were no casualties. I don’t see how that’s even possible, but good for them. They also apparently stood around until the sunset began, knowing it’d be a good place to end the episode.

Whoa, did someone break Jean's arm?

Whoa, did someone break Jean’s arm?

Also, Illumina thanks Jean. If we’re kind to Jean, we’ll call his actions modest. Really, when you think about it, he did nothing. But he blushes and waves off the praise.

A bunch of Gigglepusses, this group.

A bunch of Gigglepusses, this group.

And then everyone giggles happily. WHAT? The park is a disaster and you should all have post traumatic stress disorder. Wow.