Transformers: Victory Episode 31 Recap – “Jean! Defend the Campus!!”

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It’s cool how he can sit with open tools in the vacuum of space.

Last episode, Star Saber was able to unite with Victory Leo to form Victory Saber. They flew into space and blew up the Decepticon weapon and apparently damaged the Decepticons’ (super dull) space shuttle base, Thunder Arrow. When this episode begins, the Dinoforce is fixing it. The same troops that have been shown again and again to be absolute idiots, are capable of complex engineering? That’s Transformers: Victory for you. Also, the vacuum of space doesn’t suck away the tools that are laying around. Swell!

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Showing off.

Meanwhile, inside, Deathsaurus is throwing one of his tantrums. He really needs more troops because the measly twelve guys he has are not that great. Honestly, the Autobots wildly outpower the Decepticons this season. The only time the bad guys have a bit of the upper hand is when they threaten innocent human lives and on that level, they’re pretty successful. Last episode they blew up three cities and no one gave it much attention. It’s definitely at the point where it’s irresponsible of the Autobots not to hunt down these guys and permanently stop them.

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You got served.

Leozack points out, completely accurately, that their failure last week was because Deathsaurus didn’t calculate how fast Victory Saber could get to space before their missile fired and there was nothing any of them could do. Wrong move as Deathsaurus grabs Leozack by the face and picks him up. He’s ready to kill the guy but his troops plead for mercy and Deathsaurus throws him down. Leozack got faced pretty hard.

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Giggling robots make me giggle.

Leozack’s humiliation makes Dinoforce leader Goryu giggle to himself that he now has an opportunity to engage a new energy-stealing plan and completely ruin Leozack. And he really giggles it up. He simply turns around in the hall with all the rest of the Decepticons there and talks to himself. It stretches the soliloquy concept to the breaking point.

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Jean is an asshole.

At the Autobot base, Jean and Stakeout are carrying crates of parts. They kinda rudely tell Wing and Waver to get out of the way and they refuse to tell us what they’re making. What a mystery! So yeah, this episode focuses on Jean, unfortunately. But the worst part is the show is in its final pack of episodes and Jean hasn’t been developed too much. Supposedly Star Saber adopted him and all, but there’s been no real father-son stuff. Seems like it would have been worth exploring.

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It’s easy to forget that Laster is supposed to be an inventor.

Turns out Stakeout and Jean aren’t even doing the project themselves. Laster is building something. And he also says he needs to add the finish but I guess that guts done in about 1 second because we instantly cut to…

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A truck with legs?

The finished product. It’s… a lame truck with legs. It’s transformation is that it can grow legs. This is a big step down from Spike and Daniel’s Exosuits if you ask me. Can’t Daniel get something like a Transtector? That’s basically a Transformer body that’s controlled by tiny Transformers that can transform into heads or engines. That technology has been in every one of the past three seasons.

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This couple needs therapy.

Stakeout, who is standing right there by the new machine, asks if it has any special features and Jean says it’s a secret. So his supposed best friend can’t know but I guess Laster can. And wouldn’t it be wise to tell everyone about this machine and its capabilities in case it ever gets used in battle, which is super likely? Jean is a dick.

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Bye Perceptor. Bye only character I liked.

And in a super quick scene, Perceptor, Minerva and Wheeljack leave the show, flying back to deep space where apparently all the Autobots from previous seasons now hang out to fight other Decepticons and we never hear about those adventures at all. So weird.

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Maybe run to the school to be on the safe side?

Now we cut to that school that appears to be on top of the Alps, nowhere near anything else, that Jean goes to. The girl he’s into, Illumina, hears a crashing sound as she wanders aimlessly to school and wonders if it’s a Decepticon. It’s a reasonable enough guess on this show. But she really takes her time deciding whether to hide or not. You know, you lose nothing if you hide and it turns out it’s not a Decepticon. Hiding is a good idea. Not really worth spending this much time thinking about it.

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Nice Shitmobile.

Before she can really commit to hiding (and at which point her only option is standing on the opposite side of a tree anyway, up clanks Jean’s shitty Transformer and he waves to her. She digs it. I suppose as crappy as it is compared to other Transformers, to be driving anything in junior high would be pretty awesome.

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Robots in disguise.

Kakuryu and Doryu have been tasked with spying on the school. I guess it’s all part of Goryu’s big plan. Here’s where you realize just how far the Transformers have come from “robots in disguise.” The Dinoforce are Pretenders. That means the robot is hidden inside a realistic looking shell. But what use would it be to be gigantic dinosaurs? As far as hiding goes, none. Oh, and they’re not even dinosaurs but dinosaurs covered in cybernetic armor and weapons. So the two dumb-dumbs have covered themselves in some leaves as though that would work. Oh, and it does work. Wow.

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Could happen.

Kakuryu and Doryu see Jean’s new vehicle and assume it’s a new Autobot. But they can’t decide whether Goryu would want them to fight it or report on it first. Also, they’re cowards. They daydream about Goryu beating them up. It’s super silly.

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A deep philosophical conversation.

Eventually, they decide they should fight the vehicle. But then they KEEP debating and worry that if they lose to it, they can’t report at all. This argument goes on way longer than is strictly necessary to advance the plot.

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Friends!

So now they decide they’ll both report together. And they do pattycake with their paws. They are psyched about this plan. I’m psyched to move forward.

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Put that back in your mouth, please.

If I thought it took the Dinoforce too long to decide what to do, Illumina is still trying to decide whether to get in Jean’s ride or not. Eventually she decides she will… and she sticks out her tongue and blushes. I can only assume the tongue thing is a Japanese cultural thing? To me, it looks like Illumina is just really slow.

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Dirty liar.

Jean should be able to impress Illumina just by having a vehicle but he has to put a hat on a hat by telling her that he made it himself. I believe he later admits he had help from the Autobots. By “help” I assume he means that he carried some small parts around.

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Hot nun alert.

At the school, a young hot nun is closing some gates as all the kids show up for the first class. But Jean is running late and pops up in the distance telling them to wait. You know, if this vehicle is slower than walking, maybe it’s not that useful.

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Not a hot nun at all.

The head nun comes out and allows Jean to enter. She seems so weary and just resigned to the fact that Jean brings needless drama wherever he goes. I feel for this lady.

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None of us are impressed with your robot.

Jean’s classmates all “oo” and “ah” about the vehicle but the teachers could not care less. They’re just like, “Oh this underage kid has a futuristic dumpster? Park it in the back with the rest.”

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Clever. Very clever.

On a ridge overlooking the school is the Dinoforce. Goryu announces that it’s time to begin his plan which he has named it his “Plan for Me and By Me” plan. I’m assuming that’s not a weird translation and that he just gave it a really bad name. Which is kind of funny.

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Just some dinosaurs arguing about titles. Nothing new.

Just as Goryu announces they should attack, his troops call him “Oyabun” and Goryu trips and falls down because he is so surprised by this. It translates as “father figure” and he is completely taken aback by this, insisting that they call him “leader” instead. It’s a strangely over-the-top reaction that I can only chalk up to cultural differences. But that’s why I love these Transformers episodes. The stuff that I just do not get.

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Such majesty!

Goryu announces that if they follow his plan – and it cuts to the Dinoforce looking powerful and ready for action – they might lose anyway, like they always do. And they all fall over really fast. The stakes have been lowered.

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If it did jump, wouldn’t they get a concussion?

Apparently, to park his car around back, Jean agreed to take all of his friends including Rami, Joyce… and Clump. Man, that is a rough name for a chubby kid to have. Jean shows off how his car can have legs. They all want to know if it can jump. This should really be resolved after class.

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It usually is, so yes, it could be.

Jean makes it jump and it juuuust so happens that he jumps at the exact time that the Dinoforce launches a missile at it, blowing up the small hill where they had just been standing. Clump wonders if that could have been the Decepticons. You know, these guys should just learn to go with their first guess.

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Remain calm? There are robot dinosaurs shooting at you.

The nuns tell everyone to remain calm and hide in the school. I tend to doubt that junior high kids being attacked by dinosaurs with missiles could do much other than shit their pants. It’s pretty much chaos.

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Adorable!

The Dinoforce blasts away at the school, battering it and causing lots of damage. And Kakuryu takes a bath in the fountain, singing the show’s closing theme song. I think we’re supposed to really like Kakuryu, even though he’s a Decepticon, because he’s just so dumb and innocent.

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No, that would make sense.

Jean shouts that he’ll have to defend the school until the Autobots get there. Fair enough. Clump asks the perfectly reasonable question about what weapons the vehicle has. Jean answers: none. Great. He’s only a constant target. Why would he need a laser?

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Hanging out in space to stay away from Jean, probably.

Star Saber gets a call about what’s happening. And he’s just flying around in outer space which strikes me as epically useless. He says he’ll show up and Victory Leo will meet him there. That’s convenient. Maybe dispatch some of the Autobots already on Earth. Maybe all of them?

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He might be!

Dory points out that Jean’s vehicle hasn’t actually really DONE anything and that maybe it’s weak. Goryu is pissed about hearing that for some reason but also, it doesn’t seem to have occurred to him that they could simply attack it.

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Is this a fetish thing?

Goryu attacks Jean and is able to pretty much instantly knock him right over and begin crushing him with one foot. He’s about to squash some kids when Victory Leo and Star Saber arrive.

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Laser sale.

But the two decide they dare not attack without risking hurting Jean and his friends. So they stand up to a barrage of gunfire from the Dinoforce. To be fair to Star Saber and Victory Leo, the lasers actually don’t seem to be doing any real damage, even though they cringe away from it.

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Maybe step a few feet to the side, then.

Hey, remember how Jean said he had a secret? Well here it is: his vehicle can shoot canisters of gas. Which he does. Goryu claims he can’t see and because he can’t see, he lifts his foot off Jean. No, that doesn’t make sense, but it’s what happens and we have to just accept it.

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Violence is the answer today.

Jean drives about 20 feet over to the Autobots and asks them to beat up the bad guys. I gotta say, the Dinoforce lost in record time.

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Something tells me it won’t help.

The Dinoforce decide not to mess around and merge into Dinoking. On top of that, he says he stole some energy to make a new weapon. On the show, the Transformers can frequently make their guns appear out of nowhere. Apparently that takes energy. It’s never explained. That’s just how it is.

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I’m sure he’s not compensating for anything.

Dinoking holds his weapon like it’s a big cock but somehow is not able to pull the trigger before Star Saber and Victory Leo are able to merge into Victory Saber and use a sword to hit Dinoking once, which breaks them into their component robots again. Dinoking should really work on his trigger pulling timing.

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Suddenly he cares about them?

So the Dinoforce is finally done for, right? Well, not exactly. Before Victory Saber can murder them, Goryu begs him to kill only him because they were just his troops following orders. Victory Saber is momentarily given pause at this show of nobility.

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Shoot them!

But then the rest of the Dinoforce pleads and begs Goryu to run for it while they hold off Victory Saber, weakly grabbing at Saber’s ankles. We’ve never seen any Decepticons act like this before.

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You only shot at kids. No big deal.

So, despite the fact that the Dinoforce has assisted in blowing up cities, tried to kill the Autobots multiple times and was just a moment ago about to squash Jean and his fellow students, Victory Saber says that Goryu has shown himself to be a good leader so he’ll just give him a pass this once. It’s the worst decision I’ve seen a leader on Transformers make and I’m including the Rodimus Prime season.

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You will believe a robot can cry.

Goryu is so impressed by this act of mercy, that he begins to cry, literally. He also starts to say that Victory Saber is so amazing but gets choked up on emotion. I sort of get the moral they’re trying to impart to kids but it’s so muddled since the Dinoforce were ruthlessly attacking children moments ago.

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Episode ending on a sunset. Take a shot.

We cut to the sunset finish that 90% of Transformers episodes end with. Victory Saber apologizes for not getting there faster (but if he really cared, couldn’t he task at least one Autobot with watching out for Jean who is a regular target for Decepticons?). The nun forgives him 100% since no students were hurt. Maybe not physically but those kids all have PTSD now and I bet the repairs on the school won’t be cheap for their parents.

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The blushing is just obnoxious.

Meanwhile, Illumina tells Jean that he was really cool. For shooting a canister of gas, I suppose. She blushes as though she’s said something insanely personal even though it’s very technical and not an embarrassing compliment at all.

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I named my Crapmobile after you. XOXO.

Just to get even more insufferable, now Jean blushes and bashfully asks Illumina if he could name his vehicle after her. Wow, that’s one sure way to win a girl over – ask if you can name your garbage truck after her.

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Ugh. I miss Daniel and Wheelie.

Illumina agrees and Jean pulls off a sticker to admit he already had done it. Then Illumina’s friend asks what that’s about and both Jean and Illumina super-blush. It’s just obnoxious.