Greatshot, who’s sort of an asshole Autobot that grudgingly follows orders but mostly prefers to be left alone, decides to visit Earth. No explanation why, sorry. But please, read on for an episode featuring limbs being blown off, dead robot families, and of course, lots of foam sprayed in faces for giggles.
So Greatshot flies to Earth and immediately he sees the Decepticon space shuttle emerge from the ocean right next to him. He’s mildly surprised but does not follow it, fight it, hide from it or call the other Autobots about it. He just sort of takes it in and walks inland.
Meanwhile, the Decepticon Dinoforce attacks an energy plant in the desert. Which desert? I just told you. THE desert. Surely there isn’t more than one?
The Autobots immediately know about this attack because they have computers. The Brainmasters volunteer to go stop the Decepticons and don’t anticipate needing any backup because, as they say, the three of them are more than enough. More than enough? It’s three of them versus six Decepticons. Six Decepticons that have the ability to merge into Dinoking. Oh well, apparently that’s not a big deal anymore. Star Saber orders them to take along the Rescue Patrol anyway, to help the people. And they all fly there in Galaxy Shuttle, the largest yet most utterly useless Autobot.
Greatshot wanders into a damn holocaust. There are dead robots everywhere. What in the hell is going on? He doesn’t explain what he’s doing here and once we leave this scene it is never referred to again. Not in this episode and not anywhere else in the show. It seems to imply that the Decepticons murdered some Autobots. But not Autobots we’ve ever seen or heard of before. And for no reason we can figure out. This completely brutal scene makes NO SENSE.
Oh, but just to drive home the brutality, while simultaneously making less than no sense, Greatshot picks up a PHOTOGRAPH of a ROBOT FAMILY. What is even going on here?!
So the Autobots fly into THE desert on Galaxy Shuttle and the Dinoforce sees them coming from a distance. But they have an actual plan! Goryu commands everyone to just act like they don’t notice the Autobots. What I especially like about this is that they can clearly see the Autobots and the Autobots can see them but the Autobots really think they’re being sneaky flying into a wide open area on a clear day in a massive space shuttle.
The Autobots are realllllly cocky. As they fly in, they even cattily comment on how the Dinoforce is being casual with their theft. Dudes. That’s supposed to be a red flag.
But they blindly go in and sure enough, the Decepticons spring an ambush. Or, as the Autobots call it, “an ambush from under the sand.” You know how when you’re surprised, you get very verbose and specific, right? Anyway, the Breastforce was all hiding under the desert sand and I guess the Autobots haven’t bothered to come up with any thermal imaging or sensors of any kind because they’re shot up from below and Galaxy Shuttle takes a header right into the sand dunes. He is out for the fight, apparently.
The Brainmasters hop out of the shuttle, transform, and realize that cars are quite useless in deep sand. Of the three, Blacker transforms into a dune buggy, so he can move around but his teammates remain in robot mode because they can’t get any traction in vehicle mode. Keep in mind, they knew they were going to the desert and decided that they just wouldn’t need a jet Transformer (and they have several).
The Breastforce pepper them with missiles and lasers. The Decepticons tell them to “Eat this!” This should be easy. Why? Because in the desert, you can eat all the sand-which-is there!
While this nonsense goes on, the Rescue Patrol run over to the energy plant to help the workers. Oh, and Jean went with them. Because if there’s one thing that would be really helpful, it’s a pre-teen boy. Good call, Autobots. For reasons, the Dinoforce leaves only Kakuryu to guard the humans. And the tiny little Rescue Patrol decide they can take him.
Stakeout orders Red Hot to use his fire extinguisher to beat Kakuryu. The only reason this seems like a not 100% retarded plan is that Kakuryu is asleep. So we’re dealing with two sides of incompetents.
There he goes. Foam in the face.
So much white liquid being blasted right in Kakuryu’s face. Why it even gives him the googly eyes. He is blinded by this and the Rescue Patrol do their rescuing thing. I’m sure they’re glad they brought along Seawatch, the boat.
Braver and Laster chase Drillhorn, who is zipping around underground like the gopher in Caddyshack. “Is he going deeper?” asks Braver. “That’s what she said,” replies Laster. No, I’m kidding. The Autobots are humorless. They just chase him, which is obviously part of the plan.
Sure enough, they fall into that most cartoony of traps: quicksand! The Breastforce then brags about how, unlike Autobots, they can fly. Uh, yeah. Two out of five of you can. Hardly seems to be worth bragging about.
The Rescue Patrol hustle all of the workers into Galaxy Shuttle, where I guess they can get a little bit of shade? Kakuryu wanders over to Goryu and whines about how he can actually feel pain from the foam in his eyes. This is not a good design choice for a robot.
Goryu has to tell Kakuryu to wash himself clean. Kakuryu couldn’t figure that one out!
And then, to get us to remember that the Dinoforce is dumb, Kakuryu points out that Goryu told him to wash his face, but he’d like to wash his whole body. Ha ha ha. Oh… that robot family is still dead, probably by the hand of these guys…
Braver and Laster start to realize just how screwed they are.
But Blacker has a plan! If they all combine into Road Caesar, they’ll somehow be able to get out of the sand trap!
Except it doesn’t work. At all.
Then Guyhawk shoots them with plasma-cooled ice. Is that a thing? I always thought plasma was superheated gas. But I’m no scientist. Then again, the writers of these episodes probably weren’t either. Anyway, his gun makes the Brainmasters separate and they end up still stuck in the quicksand.
Instead of shooting the Autobots right then and there, the Decepticons pause to compare the three Brainmasters to the titular characters of Alexander Dumas’ seminal work, The Three Muskateers. So these bad guys at least read books.
The pause to make a literate reference was their undoing! For at that moment, Greatshot finally shows up from whatever he’s been doing. He gives his assistance and also proclaims that he is doing so.
In the exciting subplot with the Rescue Patrol, they are still getting the people aboard Galaxy Shuttle.
The Autobots decide that NOW is the time to call for backup. And they find out that Star Saber’s already on his way. What I like most about this is that Jean has to step on a massive button to turn on their communication. The Autobots have raised Jean since he was a baby and never made a modification to allow him to do something as simple as place a phone call. Something tells me the Autobots would not be big on building a ramp for, say, Chip, their human ally from the first two seasons of Transformers.
The Decepticons beat on the Autobots. They could finish them off, but then the show would be over. So they just beat them up.
For their part, the Autobots don’t fight back so much as think about how surprised they are to be getting beaten up.
Guyhawk takes to the sky to fight his former friend, Greatshot. But Greatshot outmaneuvers him and makes him crash into Leozack. Then Greatshot transforms into a car (that for some reason CAN drive on the sand) and tries to run down the fallen Decepticons. But then a hole opens in the desert and he falls in, forgetting that he can fly.
Suddenly, the Thunder Arrow rises from the hole and Greatshot realizes he’s on top of it. For his own amusement, presumably, he transforms into some sort of rhino robot that has wings.
Then he transforms into a robot and is instantly impaled by a spear thrown by Deathsaurus, the Decepticon leader. So much for Greatshot being much help.
Blacker steps in and gets his arm blown right off! Greatshot runs to his side but Blacker says his wound isn’t that bad. Blacker is either really stupid or really hardcore. I’m starting to lean towards the latter!
Just when all hope seems lost, Star Saber shows up (he must time it to do so). Star Saber yanks Braver and Laster out of the sand with weird hand holds on his wings that he seems to have built for this exact purpose. Then, he and Deathsaurus begin sword fighting. Actual sword fighting, not robot penis wars or anything.
Greatshot then takes on the entire Breastforce alone. He also mentions that his Kenpo is not as it has always been. If that’s his way of saying he’s improved in his martial arts, that was awkward. Maybe he should spend some more time in public speaking classes and less on human martial arts?
Blacker orders the other Brainmasters to stop the Decepticons from stealing the energy, the actual reason they’re there.
Greatshot beats everyone up and Guyhawk grudgingly retreats after everyone else has. If it’s any consolation, Guyhawk, you probably never had a chance of beating him.
Greatshot and Star Saber take to the skies and blast away at the Thunder Arrow, damaging it and forcing the Breastforce to retreat from the area.
Deathsaurus follows Guyhawk’s lead and also grudgingly retreats, claiming their plan was a success. Was their plan to steal energy or to defeat the Autobots? Because so far… they haven’t actually accomplished either of those things.
In fact, while the rest of the Decepticons retreat, Braver and Laster shoot and blow up all the energy that the Dinoforce was stealing, making them also leave. Christ, why did the Autobots just chase the Dinoforce away? Did they really have to destroy all that energy? What a waste.
The Autobots meet up and Blacker whines about how the Decepticons really got the best of them. He’s sort of right. I mean, they blew off his arm. But that’s about it. Considering all the effort they went to, it wasn’t THAT big of a success.
Star Saber decides it’s time for a pep talk. He tells them to… tighten their resolve. Well no shit!