It’s Transformers Week here on the Robot’s Pajamas! So let’s lead off with one of our regular features: a Transformers recap!
This episode begins in Antarctica, or as the show explains, the United Nations Wintering Observation Base. Wintering? What the hell is that? It’s always “winter” down there. Have fun observing the wintering. Don’t get your hopes up for a Thing-esque tale of paranoid, claustrophobic drama. It’s just the site of the latest spot the Decepticons plan to steal energy. But we do get guest star Clump. Who? Read on to find out.
Right off the bat, the scientists inside are panicking. They claim that electromagnetic radiation is going chaotic, but I think the guy just has cabin fever and is talking nonsense. That technobabble wouldn’t fly on Star Trek. Basically, lots of ice in Antarctica is melting. Hey! That’s relevant! Maybe we’re about to address global warming? I’ll get all my hopes up.
The Multiforce is helping with disaster relief related to the rising waters. But first they educate each other on basic geography. Apparently one of them doesn’t know where the continents are in relation to one another. Robots: they can’t remember anything.
Doesn’t the flooding seem like the ideal job for the Micromaster Rescue Patrol to handle? Well, they aren’t. This glamorous gig is fielded by the Mutliforce who mostly stand around talking about the continents. Presumably there are folks drowning while they have this conversation. I mean, there’s no way everything is ok when the water level is up to the second story of a house. And three big robots can’t just fix that kind of a problem.
You know who else isn’t too stressed about a global catastrophe? Jean! He’s chilling at the Autobot base with his friend from school, Clump. He’s called Clump because he’s a bit chubby. I’m sure he loves that name. Neither of them are doing anything. They’re just miserable because their summer vacation is almost over. Hey, some folks lose their homes and relatives to floods, others have to go back to getting an education. It’s all tragedy.
Apparently the kids have summer homework and when Stakeout (called Holi in these subtitles) visits Jean, Jean begs him to help them with his homework. Stakeout is supposedly Jean’s friend but he adamantly refuses to help. What a pal!
Then Stakeout blabs on excitedly about the Autobots checking on the Antarctic base that they just lost communication with. And guess what? Clump freaks out because his father works there. Way to break the news to the kid, Stakeout. Jean and Clump beg to come along with Star Saber and he’s like, “Yup, sounds like an okay idea to me. Bringing two pre-teens to a conflict with the Decepticons can’t possibly be a problem.”
We then cut back to Antarctica where the Decepticons are drilling or fracking or something. They’re stealing oil. I don’t understand why this is causing electromagnetic radiation that is melting ice. But it is. I think we can all just agree to go with it since we can agree that sometimes drilling for oil does cause environmental chaos. It would have been nice if they tried to be realistic with the science, but hey, they already taught us that South America is close to Antarctica and I think that more than fills the educational requirements of an episode.
The Decepticons spell out their drilling plan to one another. It’s for our benefit, but they act like no one knows what they’re doing even though they’ve clearly been drilling for quite a while. Hellbat brags about how only he could have thought up the idea. Leozack yells at him because he came up with the idea or something. It doesn’t add up to much. There’s no real conflict between Hellbat and his fellow Breastforce team this week.
Meanwhile, Clump’s father, who looks like he should be calling the shots for the army, and the rest of the scientists have abandoned their base and hid in a cave. I don’t think they’d survive for long doing that but they seem fine. They talk about how the Decepticons are causing the ice melt. This show is really treating the viewers like we can’t understand anything. I’m ready for two characters to start having a conversation about how conversations are the exchange of information between two or more people.
Then the scientists, who look like a collection of total weirdos, sees the Autobots fly in and they act like they just won the World Cup. This United Nations team has everyone represented: a young white guy, an old white guy (possibly Santa Claus), Clump’s badass white dad, a white punk from the 80s who looks like he’s about to breakdance, and a white nerd (the glasses give him away). All the nations of the world really came together for this project.
The Multiforce and Star Saber arrive but the Breastforce act like these guys are beneath them. The best part was watching Waver come in towing his teammates on waterskis.
The Breastforce aren’t wasting any time and instantly merge into Liokaiser. This episode is definitely looking to fill time because so far we’ve seen the complete stock animation transformations for both Star Saber and Liokaiser and we’re about to see the one for Landcross. Guess what? We’ll still see each of them completely transform a second time in this episode. It’s a LOT of stock footage to eat up time.
So here’s where the Multiforce all merge into Landcross to fight Liokaiser. Landcross tries to trashtalk and fails in an utterly embarrassing way. F0r… reasons, Liokaiser is presented as way, way more powerful than the other combiners on this show such as Dinoking or Landcross, even though they’re all comprised of six dudes. It’s probably just a function of this season having hardly any Decepticons so they had to make at least one of them look powerful.
Oh, and speaking of powerful, Liokaiser now has the unexplained ability to turn invisible! He beats the hell out of Landcross because of course he does. Landcross ends up splitting up into all six vehicles and running around trying to think of how to stop an invisible giant. They do not bother to look for footprints or heat signatures or anything like that.
Mach and Wing fly around together because space shuttles are so aerodynamic that they can easily keep pace with fighter jets. Wing tells Mach to release his multi-gamma and Mach acts like that’s a normal request and not a load of nonsense words.
The multi-gamma, as it turns out, is a rope. Well, a laser rope. They fly around with that rope and act like they really outsmarted Liokaiser. And actually, they somehow do because they instantly clothesline him even though he’s invisible. What luck! They toss Liokaiser into the drilling equipment and he breaks it. However, this causes a ton of ice to fall apart and sweep away Clump’s dad and his wacky scientist friends. The Multiforce again forms Landcross to save them and eat up time for the episode.
Liokaiser attacks Landcross and uses the “eat this!” insult that this show must get paid royalties for using.
Then his hand glows for some reason that I can’t figure out.
Then Star Saber finally does something and steps in to fight Liokaiser. He gets walloped and Liokaiser uses a new move where he separates and attacks Star Saber as six units, then merges back together. He calls that his Battle Explosion. How much time do you suppose Transformers spend sitting down and brainstorming names for their attack moves? I’m guessing a lot.
Galaxy Shuttle, the massive space shuttle (not to be confused with Mach’s inexplicably different size space shuttle) flies in with Jean, Clump and the Rescue Patrol. Clump sees to think Star Saber isn’t focusing on rescuing his dad. What does he think Star Saber’s fighting for? Fun?
The scientists are all swept out onto an ice floe but the Rescue Patrol saves them pretty easily. Galaxy Shuttle helps Landcross stand up and then heads over to help Star Saber.
Here is Galaxy Shuttle’s fantastic plan: stand in front of Liokaiser without any weapon drawn. This guy is useless. Look at the size of him. He’s the largest Autobot around and he NEVER fights. He’s not a pacifist. He just doesn’t bother. And here’s why:
Liokaiser just hacks his sword at his chest and knocks Galaxy Shuttle right down. Great work, Galaxy Shuttle! Your standing around technique is really helpful.
Liokaiser continues to maul Star Saber until Deathsaurus suddenly appears and tells Liokaiser to stand down. He wants to finish off Star Saber himself. Usually, this hubris is what causes the Decepticons to lose and we are near the end of the episode. Just sayin’!
Liokaiser even wonders aloud what the point of asking him to stand down was. Why not team up? I guess because then they’d have won and the show would be over. The show occasionally just turns its characters stupid so that things can keep going.
The Rescue Patrol brings Clump’s dad back to the mainland and Clump leaps up way higher than such a fat kid should be able to. I mean, just look at Jean’s astounded reaction.
Anyway, Deathsaurus and Star Saber fly around shooting at each other, even going underwater, where Star Saber shoots him into an iceberg. So Deathsaurus tells all the Decepticons to retreat. Dumbass.
The scientists all thank Star Saber for saving them. What about saving the world from all that melting ice? I guess that’s just… over now?
Time to end on something hilarious: Stakeout reminds Jean that he still has homework to do. Finally, someone experiences an emotion that is slightly above a mild shrug. By the time you stop laughing, it’ll be next week and we’ll have the next episode up for you to read about!