Transformers: Victory Episode 18 Recap – “Rescue! Guyhawk”

Planet Micro's gorgeous architecture.

Planet Micro’s gorgeous architecture.

Wow. Just… wow. What a weird friggin’ episode. Obviously we should expect it at this point, but it’s so weird to see Autobots and Decepticons just like I grew up with and then suddenly they say something out of left field or start dancing around like super silly weirdos. This episode takes place on Planet Micro, which is where a bunch of Transformers come from or at least live on. They don’t really explain. Last episode a handful of our main cast went to this planet to defend it from Hellbat who had hired two Decepticon mercenaries to help him steal power. I love that on this show, the idea of intergalactic travel to steal some oil makes economic sense. Anyway, we start out with the Autobots calling the rest of their team back home on Earth (or, as they call it, “the Earth”) to check in. Let’s continue on together to find out!

Star Saber is playing for the high score.

Star Saber is playing for the high score.

Star Saber updates the Autobots back on Earth about the Hellbat situation and the Autobots back home say the only thing they’ve had to deal with is some attacks from the Decepticon Dinoforce, but that they don’t seem to be focused attacks. They’re real casual about it all. The Decepticons are kinda big dumb dumbs, aren’t they? This is the perfect time for them to attack on two fronts, trying to steal energy both on Micro and Earth. But no, one plan at a time is plenty.

I bet he goes to the bathroom on his dumb disc.

I bet he goes to the bathroom on his dumb disc.

Further driving home the point that the Autobots are all just hanging out, not doing anything important, Jean asks Gripper if he wants a souvenir. The fact that they even brought this kid along shows how serious they took the threat to Micro. “Eh, bring Jean. How bad can this be?” Wanna know what Gripper wants? You really don’t, but I’ll tell you anyway. He says he wants Jean to do his homework. Jean is the sole human character on this show and ostensibly is there for the kids watching this show to use as their viewpoint character. But he is the worst. He isn’t helping the Autobots learn about Earth like Spike did. He’s kind of like Daniel except Daniel at least was sort of friends with Wheelie and Jean just mocks and berates Stakeout at every opportunity. And he sure doesn’t have Transformer abilities like the Headmaster Junior characters last season. Jean needs to GO.

Grouchy McToughtits.

Grouchy McToughtits.

Meanwhile, it turns out Hellbat isn’t the only Decepticon on Micro. The rest of the Breastforce team is there, holding a meeting on the Thunder Arrow. Their meeting is primarily about how much they all hate Hellbat. Their team leader, Leozack, is especially mad at Hellbat for coming up with a plan by himself and failing on top of it. The team all hates Hellbat for only being out for himself. Leozack tells them to keep calm because they’re about to get a new teammate that will help them keep an eye on Hellbat. Introducing a new character is about as interesting as this show gets until the last few episodes of the season when the villain finally makes a big move. So let’s hope the new character is a good one.

How can you not like Hellbat?

How can you not like Hellbat?

Hellbat is actually a pretty enjoyable addition to the show. He’s out for himself in a way no Decepticon has ever been. Starscream and Leozack each want to undermine their boss and take over as leader. But Hellbat is always looking out for himself and doesn’t care about the rest of the team at all. He glumly resigns himself to meeting with his “idiot” teammates. That kinda cracked me up. Well, it gave me a slight smile.

Wacky slapstick for all.

Wacky slapstick for all.

So Hellbat walks in and is instantly throttled by Killbison. This is played for laughs. Hellbat’s eyes go huge and he squirms around rapidly. This came out in 1989, the same year Simpsons debuted. It was funny when Homer strangled Bart because of how inappropriate it is for a father to abuse his son at the slightest provocation. It’s somehow a lot less funny for robot teammates to strangle each other. But it’s very obviously intended to be funny.

Ohhhh! Ya burnt!

Ohhhh! Ya burnt!

Leozack lets Hellbat speak in his own defense and Hellbat tells the team he was trying to steal the energy not for their leader Deathsaurus but for their team. While this is a pretty obvious lie, it gets Leozack listening. Because he’s actually pretty gullible.

Robots should whisper by plugging USBs into each other.

Robots should whisper by plugging USBs into each other.

Hellbat whispers to Leozack that he was going to give him the energy so that they’d have extra and he might be able to overthrow Deathsaurus.

As though this is a new idea?

As though this is a new idea?

Leozack acts like this is a cool new idea even though we’ve seen him consider this a half dozen times before. The show’s writers don’t trust us to remember character motivations.

Welcome to Hell.

Welcome to Hell.

Anyway, the Breastforce want to rescue one of their teammates, Guyhawk, who has apparently been in prison this whole time. The prison is, conveniently, located on a moon full of lava that orbits Micro. There’s a jail full of Decepticons on it and the prisoners only get enough energy to harvest energy for Micro. It’s hard labor and I am glad to see the Autobots actually have a prison. They’re rarely willing to kill their opponents but it would be interesting if they locked them up now and then. It works for Batman. Mostly.

Sucks to be you.

Sucks to be you.

We first meet Guyhawk by watching a prisoner fall into a lava stream and desperately beg for help. He grabs Guyhawk’s leg but he callously kicks him loose and the dude drown-melts. Surprisingly violent! Except you shouldn’t be surprised. This show goes from goofball to violent in less than a second.

He's ready for his photo shoot.

He’s ready for his photo shoot.

We get to see how Guyhawk spends his non-labor hours. He just cold chills in his cell, posing like a supermodel.

That is in no way suspicious.

That is in no way suspicious.

We then see a spaceship with minor damage headed for the prison. It keeps saying Mayday. It won’t respond to any of the guards’ calls and then the warden says to let them land. What. A. Moron. Surprising no one except the idiot guards, the ship is actually carrying the Breastforce, who explode out of it and begin murdering dozens and dozens of Autobot guards. I’m not exaggerating. They blow them up and vaporize them in huge swaths. This episode got VIOLENT, son.

Go cook us dinner, Stakeout.

Go cook us dinner, Stakeout.

Stakeout reports what’s going on to Star Saber who begins handing out assignments. He tells Stakeout to go get Greatshot. Wait. Greatshot flat out refused to join their team last episode because he’s a loner. He flew away. Now Stakeout just has to find him? How? This could be interesting. But it isn’t. They never show us how he does this task. Star Saber tells Red Hot and Fixit to go with him to the prison planet. Apparently the fourth Rescue Patrol Micromaster can just do jack shit because he doesn’t tell Seawatch to do anything. Guess having a little boat isn’t much use in outer space. Oh, then Star Saber tells Jean to do his homework and Jean acts shocked. Leave that kid at home next time!

Lucky guess.

Lucky guess.

Then Star Saber tells everyone why the Decepticons are attacking the prison. He just guesses that they’re going to free Guyhawk. How’d he guess that? We’ve never seen Guyhawk before and there are hundreds of prisoners. But Star Saber just KNOWS.

It's the Drillhorn Show!

It’s the Drillhorn Show!

Meanwhile, the Decepticons continue to murder Autobots at the prison. These guards suck really badly at their job.

He speaks Spanish.

He speaks Spanish.

Guyhawk hears the explosions and figures his teammates have come for him. “Adios,” he says because apparently he’s the first bilingual Transformer.

Oh, it's his catchphrase.

Oh, it’s his catchphrase.

The prison breaks up and floats down the lava river! What?! Anyway, Guyhawk’s guards come to move him and he kills them. Doesn’t knock them out. He has a blade come from his wrist and he shanks them, then says his catchphrase. He says “Adios” at least once more in this episode. I guess it’s his thing.

And messy.

And messy.

Star Saber arrives along with Red Hot and Fixit. Those two traveled in Galaxy Shuttle, who can transform into a giant robot. As usual, they don’t use Galaxy Shuttle and just have him sit around doing nothing. Star Saber got a “D” in his Efficiency Class. And since Red Hot and Fixit aren’t really any good in a fight, may I suggest they start lugging the corpses into a pile instead?

Breakdancing King.

Breakdancing King.

Meanwhile, the Decepticons are flying around and shooting. Hellbat lands and calls for Leozack and for some reason, Leozack lands like an absolute moron, transforming and face planting. Why? No reason. Guess it was just time for some laffs at the expense of the main villain of the episode so that we don’t take his threat too seriously. Leozack sends Hellbat to go retrieve Guyhawk. What?! Hellbat has been described as completely untrustworthy but he gets sent on that mission? Leozack deserves to fail.

Ugh, Dad's lecturing again.

Ugh, Dad’s lecturing again.

Star Saber finally comes across the Breastforce and begins lecturing them. It really doesn’t stop them or intimidate them. Actions speak louder than words, Star Saber. The 3 Autobots begin fighting the four Breastforce members. Lasers everywhere. Beautiful light show.

Who's eating what now?

Who’s eating what now?

Leozack and his team summon up their fighting staffs and… wait. How do the Transformers do that anyway? It’s ok that they do, but their weapons just appear in their hands in a flash of light and it’s never explained. Strange. No big deal. Anyway, they shout out the most common fighting phrase – “Eat this!” They later shout out a new one I’d love to see take off – “Scrap you!” I’m not joking, they really use that one.

Party's over.

Party’s over.

Hellbat uses his hypnotism powers on the guards and frees all the prisoners. He tells them to go fight the Autobots. Ok, this could be cool. Three Autobots against overwhelming odds? Good escalation of the conflict.

Stomp: The Actual Act.

Stomp: The Actual Act.

The prisoners all storm out and trample Hellbat. Hellbat just kind of lies there and takes it. It’s embarrassing for all involved. Then Hellbat thinks about how if he actually frees Guyhawk it might jeopardize his position in the team. And by think, I mean he says it out loud and we cut to Guyhawk standing right there listening:

No spit take?

No spit take?

Hellbat panics and runs over and hugs Guyhawk. Guyhawk throws Hellbat to the ground and tells him to calm down and help him find the power plant so he can get energized. Guyhawk is the Fonzie of the team.

Transformers can smell?

Transformers can smell?

Suddenly, we cut to Greatshot and Stakeout in the sewers of the prison. What?! Yeah, so first of all, I guess Stakeout found him, no problem. Second… why is there a sewer in a robot prison? The show brings up these questions and never answers them and I seriously think it will break me some day.

What's an ice needle?

What’s an ice needle?

Guyhawk gets powered up and shouts “Ice Needle!” I am guessing that that’s the name of his chest animal. I’m not sure though. No one else has ever named their chest animal. I’m only guessing that’s what it means because his chest animal is sitting in a little cage in front of him for… reasons.

Pink is the new cool.

Pink is the new cool.

Hellbat fawns over Guyhawk. It’s in character for Hellbat to suck up and charm everyone. It isn’t working on Guyhawk, though. He’s too Fonzie for that scheme.

Well, the Autobots do tend to win a lot.

Well, the Autobots do tend to win a lot.

They instantly bump into Greatshot. Guyhawk apparently has a history with him and is disappointed that Greatshot joined the Autobots. Sounds like Greatshot used to be a real asshole who palled around with the worst of the Decepticons. He was friends with those two mercenaries last episode and Guyhawk this time. What happened to make him switch allegiances? That would actually be interesting so we’ll never know. Hellbat acts like a coward and leaves to join up with Leozack and team.

That's a lotta lasers!

That’s a lotta lasers!

Star Saber, Fixit and Red Hot (ugh, named after a candy?) are now pinned down and overwhelmed by the army of prisoners backing up the Breastforce. They’re doomed!

Burnt bum bum?

Burnt bum bum?

The prison itself begins to break apart, with huge geysers of lava bursting through the floor. One of them hits Hellbat in the butt. He runs around with a burned bum. You may begin laughing.

He had Taco Bell.

He had Taco Bell.

Just another shot of him with a toasted keister.

Talky Talkerson.

Talky Talkerson.

Guyhawk and Greatshot have decided to face off. And Stakeout is standing around uselessly. Oh, and here’s where they’ve moved themselves to have this shootout:

Why fight up there?

Why fight up there?

Yeah, the scene just cuts to them standing on a little beam above a pit of molten lava. Why would they do this?

Eat me!

Eat me!

Eventually they actually decide to fight. Guyhawk locks in his Fonzie coolness by shouting “Eat this!” Greatshot falls but launches a grappling hook to keep from falling into the pit. The prison is falling apart and Guyhawk transforms into a jet and escapes.

I'm sure Fixit and Red Hot are real helpful.

I’m sure Fixit and Red Hot are real helpful.

The Autobots tell the Decepticons to stop shooting and they’ll save them before the whole place sinks into the lava. So then they save all the Decepticons. Weird.

Bosses should not treat you like this.

Bosses should not treat you like this.

Hellbat wants to fly off but Leozack gets in his face reminding him that they’re the only two teammembers who can fly. So Leozack transforms into a jet and Drillhorn rides him.

What a ride.

What a ride.

Hellbat carries both Killbison and Jallguar and flies around all dopey. But yeah, all the bad guys escape.

This makes no sense.

This makes no sense.

You know who seems to have forgotten that he also transforms into a jet? Greatshot. Yeah… he’s struggling to climb up his grappling line when it breaks. But Stakeout catches the line and the tiny little guy uses all his might to try to pull Greatshot up while the prison falls to pieces.

They have it coming.

They have it coming.

Eventually it all shakes so badly that the two of them fall. They really deserve this. I mean, the big guy can transform into a jet and Stakeout could never realistically lift him up. Into certain death they go.

Mustache rides cost extra.

Mustache rides cost extra.

Psych! Star Saber flies in and catches them on himself and his V-Star component. They’re fine. The narrator tells us that while the Decepticons escaped, one good thing came of the day – Greatshot and Stakeout became friends. They did? Okay, great. Two Autobots became friends. I’m sure that’ll help a lot.