Transformers: Victory Episode 16 Recap – “A Fierce Battle! The Asteroid”

Jock McThrust and Cockpit Daniels.

Jock McThrust and Cockpit Daniels.

From the episode, you can probably guess this one takes place in space, a relative rarity for this season. It begins with a spaceship coming back to Earth and passing Jupiter and Mars. So the show has forgotten that Zarak blew up Mars two seasons ago. Anyway, a purple gas envelopes the ship and the pilots lose control of it, like you do when you run into purple gas.

Robots are superstitious.

Robots are superstitious.

Cut to the Autobots’ headquarters where they comment on how a bunch of spaceships have gone missing. Stakeout mentions it’s like a modern day Bermuda Triangle with things disappearing. He doesn’t seem especially concerned. The only one who does is Jean.

Daydream believer.

Daydream believer.

But when I say concerned, I guess I mean mildly interested. Because the dude is just laying down on his hoverplatform the whole time. Surrounded by talking robots on his gravity-defying disc, Jean is just kind of bored. He says he assumes it’s the Decepticons but is really only curious why Star Saber isn’t doing anything to resolve the problem. Fair question!

The council of robots will now vote.

The council of robots will now vote.

We cut to Star Saber, who’s overseeing a spaceship getting built. And by overseeing, I mean he’s really just kind of watching and giving the most obvious advice possible. In this case: “wrap up the work on the front of it.” That’s why he’s the boss.

ToughDoor stays locked!

ToughDoor stays locked!

Meanwhile, the mystery of the disappearing spaceships is revealed to us. Yeah, it’s the Decepticons, obviously. They’re abducting them and bringing them down onto a big asteroid. The Dinoforce are then stealing all the fuel. Kakuryu tries to break into the newest ship but the door isn’t budging. Get ready for the physical comedy highlight of your day.

Spread eagle dino, ladies.

Spread eagle dino, ladies.

Kakuryu steps back, revs up and runs at the door full blast and bounces off of it like it’s a trampoline. He smashes into his leader, Goryu and smushes him. Once you’ve caught your breath, let’s move on.

Robo Bandages.

Robo Bandages.

Goryu smashes Kakuryu on the head like some kind of sadistic Skipper to a retarded Gilligan. He tells him to smash it after taking the fuel. Actually he calls it “fuel energy” but I think he means fuel and is just stupid. Either way, I don’t think Kakuryu is going to be doing a good smashing job.

Cruel but fair.

Cruel but fair.

Inside the asteroid, the Decepticons have put dozens of kidnapped astronauts to work. Not sure what they’re doing, since we just saw the Decepticons taking the fuel. They just seem to be working like miners but they definitely aren’t mining anything. The show never explains it. I’d love to hear your theories.

Dude rocks the chest wings.

Dude rocks the chest wings.

Inside the Decepticon flagship, the Thunder Arrow, Leozack reports to Deathsaurus that their plan is working. Deathsaurus doesn’t miss an opportunity to insult one of his 11 soldiers. Hey, you wouldn’t want to motivate your troops with acknowledgement or anything, would you?

It's like he has a permanent hat.

It’s like he has a permanent hat.

Then Deathsaurus says they need to make an energy alloy. Huh? Every other episode they are trying to steal any type of energy to free Deathsaurus’ huge base that’s locked away in a nebula (somehow). Now he wants to make an energy alloy? What would that even be? An alloy is usually metals mixed together, not energy. I’m so confused!

Nice pecs, bro.

Nice pecs, bro.

Star Saber’s spaceship gets built and he reveals to all of his Autobots that his plan is to disguise himself as a spaceship and see what’s happening to them. Not sure why he didn’t trust his teammates with that info until now. Maybe he’s just a dick. Also, he says all this as though they’ve already determined it’s a Decepticon plot, which they definitely don’t know. Still, they live in a world where EVERYTHING is the Decepticons’ fault so we can let that go.

Is Wingwaver dancing?

Is Wingwaver dancing?

Then Wingwaver walks around like he’s been crippled or is taking his first steps ever and worries that Star Saber will be all alone. It may seem like a reasonable concern but when has Star Saber ever, EVER needed help?

Huddle up!

Huddle up!

Even more bizarre, his human son Jean is worried about him. Jean is always Star Saber’s biggest cheerleader but here we are 16 episodes in and all of a sudden he’s worried that he’ll be in over his head. Star Saber tells everyone he has to take the risk because he wants to rescue everyone. That actually shuts everyone up. Like, “Oh, you are taking the risk to HELP those people? Oh, well now I’m okay with this plan. I figured you were just out for a cheap thrill.”

Oh my god, what happened to Stakeout's head?!

Oh my god, what happened to Stakeout’s head?!

Stakeout tries to tell Jean everything will be okay and no one reacts to the fact that Stakeout’s head is the size of a pineapple.

That's a trigger.

That’s a trigger.

Jean obsessively watches meaningless monitors and Stakeout nags him to get ready for school. Jean yells at Stakeout. They bicker. The rest of the Autobots stand around and just watch this. I guess this is what passes for entertainment for them.

His shoulder has guns for those times when people try to sneak up on him.

His shoulder has guns for those times when people try to sneak up on him.

Eventually, Stakeout decides to stop telling him to go to school. Gripper says it’s just as well and explains that Jean is just nervous because Star Saber is basically his dad. Something everyone there already knows! He may as well explain other obvious things. “Jean has a bone skeleton because he is a human being.”

Terrible hiding spot.

Terrible hiding spot.

Star Saber flies around in space and sure enough gets abducted. By the way, his way of going in camouflage is to insert himself into the front of the ship. Pretty much the worst hiding spot possible.

This is the same pose as viewers.

This is the same pose as viewers.

In a scene that screams “Filler!” we check in on Jean wondering how things are going. Can’t we just assume Star Saber’s team cares about him?

Talk all you want, you won't see action this week.

Talk all you want, you won’t see action this week.

Jean decides to contact Star Saber and the Autobots jump in and explain that if he does that, he’ll blow Star Saber’s cover. Jean is an absolute idiot.

Pink. Yellow. Green. Paint your spaceship today!

Pink. Yellow. Green. Paint your spaceship today!

The asteroid stops blowing gas and shoots electricity which somehow pulls Star Saber down. Despite Star Saber hanging out in the front of the ship, the Decepticons do not notice him. Wow.

It's like his head is inside another head.

It’s like his head is inside another head.

However, Leozack taps on the spaceship and observes that it’s way better craftsmanship than a normal Earth ship. Great job, Autobots. You forgot to build a shitty spaceship.

Looks like bubble gum.

Looks like bubble gum.

Star Saber disengages from the ship, transforms, and jumps behind some rocks. No one notices this. Drillhorn shows Goryu some energy alloy that they made. To show that it’s powerful, he tosses one bit of it and it explodes. The explosion tosses 7 rocks up into the air and one lands on each Decepticon’s head. So energy alloy is a bomb? They already have bombs. I don’t understand what energy alloy is!

You gotta figure his oxygen is running low.

You gotta figure his oxygen is running low.

Star Saber crawls into the base on his hands and knees and sees the astronauts. They recognize him immediately and he tells them help is on the way. Then he crawls back out and radios the Autobots for backup.

Meanwhile, nothing happens.

Meanwhile, nothing happens.

Does this help Jean relax? It does not.

Right in front of you.

Right in front of you.

Star Saber then flies around in his jet mode and has his back half, the V-Star, also fly about. They both shoot the place up.

The dirt was very flammable.

The dirt was very flammable.

Star Saber takes on the entire Dinoforce and Breastforce and really has zero trouble. He just blasts the hell out of everyone.

Bro, do you even transform?

Bro, do you even transform?

Blacker and Laster fly out as backup on Galaxy Shuttle. The rest of the Autobots stay behind and do NOTHING to help. Laster starts wondering if Star Saber will be okay. Why is everyone so worried about Star Saber all of a sudden? Did he have a bout of dementia that we all missed? He seems to be taking on the entire Decepticon army single-handedly with no problems.

Sick burn!

Sick burn!

Blacker comments that he wants to beat up “Decepti-crumbs” which really is a pretty weak insult. He didn’t spend any time thinking up that one. And he really should have. What else is there to do while he flies out there?

I wish my chest could turn into a gun.

I wish my chest could turn into a gun.

Leozack rallies his troops and also tells Star Saber that they’ll kill all of the people in the “factory.” However, no Decepticons are sent to kill the people so his threat is pretty meaningless.

One day you'll miss hearing "eat this."

One day you’ll miss hearing “eat this.”

The other Breastforce members launch a barrage of attacks on Star Saber. He avoids all of it. Dude is having NO trouble.

That's not how anyone talks.

That’s not how anyone talks.

Deathsaurus, who is literally a bunch of yards away from all this fighting, does nothing to help. He just tells Hellbat to get back out there and continue to attack Star Saber. Hellbat came inside to warn him that the energy alloy in the Thunder Arrow could blow up if Star Saber keeps attacking. So, we sort of have some stakes… if we care about the Decepticons escaping unharmed.

Just tell them two more times and they'll get it.

Just tell them two more times and they’ll get it.

The Dinoforce all protect the Thunder Arrow. And this time, they don’t mess up. They protect the ship from blowing up.

He's not boasting.

He’s not boasting.

Laster and Blacker show up to help Star Saber and Star Saber just tells them to leave the Decepticons to him. Thanks for that backup, guys but I’m doing fine here. To make themselves useful, the Autobots go to evacuate the astronauts.

Double high five!

Double high five!

Upon seeing the Autobots, everyone’s spacesuit changes to at least the third completely different design this episode and they all stand around cheering and whooping it up instead of running out of there.

Psych!

Psych!

Laster has to really explain to them that they should leave. They do.

I think the one in front farted.

I think the one in front farted.

Star Saber is still beating everyone up. The Dinoforce does not even bother to merge into Dinoking. They just retreat. I guess they just realized the episode was almost over.

You ever think of modeling?

You ever think of modeling?

The Thunder Arrow leaves, no problem. Deathsaurus basically abandons the Breastforce to keep the Autobots distracted. Why do the Decepticons even want to follow this guy?

Braggy McPerfect.

Braggy McPerfect.

Star Saber hits all of the Breastforce with a single sword slash that sends them all flying off into space. They offered no threat at all. He calls in to the Autobots back on Earth and tells Jean he can finally relax. I guess that’s the climax. Wondering if Jean will be able to relax. He ultimately can.

Aaaand freeze frame!

Aaaand freeze frame!

Jean says he was never worried. So Stakeout smacks him on the head. Then everyone laughs. Fuck everything. Terrible episode.