Transformers: Victory Episode 12 Recap – “Tanker Hijack Operation”

Guess what? Deathsaurus is still mad at his people for not gathering enough energy. You know, I really miss Megatron. He went out in the field and got stuff done. Deathsaurus spends 95% of his appearances sitting on his throne, being mad at his 11 troops for not gathering energy. How about you get off your ass and do it yourself? He’s like an Internet tough guy, acting like King Shit from home. Maybe Deathsaurus is agoraphobic?

Mad as hell but he'll probably keep taking more.

Mad as hell but he’ll probably keep taking more.

It's in there somewhere, trust us.

It’s in there somewhere, trust us.

Deathsaurus reiterates that he needs the energy to release his fortress. We see a glimpse of it and it has tons of spikey antennas. It’s hard to tell but it looks really massive. I guess it’s probably something like a Death Star. I wish they’d explain exactly how it’s sealed away but I guess we gotta wait for that. For now, Deathsaurus shows his anger by breathing fire at his assembled troops, who all scatter in fear. Except for one…

Drillhorn has a personality this week.

Drillhorn has a personality this week.

Apparently Drillhorn isn’t a complete bozo. He stands his ground and asks his boss to chill out. Since when is he competent? He’s always just been one of Leozack’s dumb dumbs but this week he has a plan because I guess everyone gets a crack at that.

Combat vet? Since when?

Combat vet? Since when?

Deathsaurus refers to Drillhorn as their combat veteran. Does that mean Drillhorn’s been around more than the rest of them? Or he’s fought in more battles? I know we’re not supposed to think about anything beyond the surface on this show but when you have five guys in a group (the Breastforce) that all have the same gimmick and then all of a sudden you single one of them out, I wonder where their paths diverged and how.

In fact, we should've done it last week.

In fact, we should’ve done it last week.

Drillhorn simply states his plan involves an oil tanker. And yeah, last week some Autobots were guarding an oil tanker. This is about a different oil tanker. Or maybe it’s the same one but the Autobots didn’t bother to guard it this time. Just… let’s see where this goes. So far, the Decepticons are acting like they never considered hijacking an oil tanker which blows my mind.

Nope.

Nope.

Deathsaurus asks whether the plan will be successful. The fact that he has to ask his men whether their idea will work should tell you everything you need to know about the whole Decepticon organization. After Drilhorn confirms that yeah, he came up with an idea that would actually work, Deathsaurus orders Leozack to help Drillhorn with the details of his plan. Leozack is ticked off because he’s all about the chain of command and really chafes at his men talking directly to the leader. Get over it, weirdo.

Montgomery Burns?

Montgomery Burns?

Cut to “the city” where everyone is freaking out because there’s no gasoline. What happened? There’s nothing in the news reports we see about an oil tanker being stolen yet, but the entire city is in a crisis because they have no fuel. And most of the citizens are drawn like real bizarros. They look like something out of Mad Max.

No, that's highly unlikely.

No, that’s highly unlikely.

Cut to the Autobots wondering if the Decepticons could have stolen the gas. Since the Decepticons are the sole cause of all problems in the world on this show, you’d think they’d just assume it is. But the Autobots seem to reset every day and forget things. Things like, yeah, whenever energy is missing it is absolutely the Decepticons.

That's why he's the leader.

That’s why he’s the leader.

Star Saber decides what to do. They will “look into it.” Well, good thing the guy with all the brains is in charge. Instead of sitting on their thumbs and wondering if the Decepticons did it, Star Saber says the Autobots should actually go and check. He sends the three Brainmasters to look for clues. I love it when Autobots look for clues. It mostly involves standing around until a Decepticon passes them.

Hmmm... this dirt tastes like dog shit.

Hmmm… this dirt tastes like dog shit.

Gripper climbs down into a gas station’s gas tank. Down there, he sees that the bottom of the tank has been broken. He holds the sand beneath the tank as though that’s going to help him figure it out. But he can’t put anything together. The other two Brainmasters see the same thing at other gas stations.

Subtle.

Subtle.

Hey, what do you know! As soon as Gripper gets out of the tank, Drillhorn drills up through the ground and smashes through a store and runs away. Actually seeing that Drillhorn has a drill and drills through the ground reminds Gripper that Drillhorn exists and he surmises that, hey, maybe Drillhorn drilled into the gas tanks and stole all that gas.

Where is Gripper's screen, do you suppose?

Where is Gripper’s screen, do you suppose?

He then gets on Facetime or something and lets Star Saber know about the clues that he’s found.

What do you call "secret"?

What do you call “secret”?

Star Saber hears that Drillhorn stole the energy and acts like he’s put two and two together to figure out that it’s the Decepticons that are to blame for the gas being stolen. He thinks they’re doing it in secret, although when Drillhorn smashed up into the street and ran through the city, that didn’t seem very secret.

That really gets his goat.

That really gets his goat.

With the city out of gas, an oil tanker is sent from a nearby city to help them with their energy crisis. So just to be clear, the Decepticons’ plan to steal an oil tanker first involves stealing all of the city’s gas so that another tanker full of gas is sent that they can hijack. Maybe they should just stick to draining oil from underground? Pshaw! Drillhorn tells Leozack to help with the plan, which further irritates Leozack. Everything irritates Leozack.

What a horrible name for a ship.

What a horrible name for a ship.

Mayor Burns gets a phone call. It’s Drillhorn telling him that when the oil tanker arrives, no one – not even the Autobots – are allowed to approach it. The mayor is shocked at this demand from the evil robot.

The show accurately predicted Skype.

The show accurately predicted Skype.

Oh, and in case people didn’t feel like staying away for the heck of it, Drillhorn explains that they’ve hidden a bomb in the city and that if any of the Autobots get close to the oil tanker, they’ll blow the city up. So he does actually have this part of the plan nailed down pretty well.

Uh oh. Too much cell phone usage.

Uh oh. Too much cell phone usage.

The mayor wonders what he can possibly do and grows a sixth finger on his left hand.

This Autobot symbol looks familiar, too...

This Autobot symbol looks familiar, too…

Meanwhile, Kakuryu is waddling down the street, singing. He walks right up to Gripper in vehicle mode and notes that the car looks familiar. Kakuryu is stupid, you see. Therefore, it’s funny.

And that's the good guy talking!

And that’s the good guy talking!

The show also finds violence committed against Kakuryu hilarious. Gripper grabs his jaws and stretches them to the breaking point. Kakuryu cries and explains that he’s in the city because they’ve hidden a neutron bomb. Remember when Transformers were robots IN DISGUISE? A gigantic dinosaur does not accomplish this goal. Maybe they should’ve sent someone like Hellbat since he’s a jet. It’s at least somewhat less noticeable than an extinct creature loaded up with cybernetics.

So why are you letting them walk to the beach?

So why are you letting them walk to the beach?

Goryu pops up and shoots at Gripper so he releases Kakuryu. Gripper then just sort of angrily lets the two Dinoforce members walk away. He needs to tell the rest of the Autobots about the neutron bomb and obviously he can’t do two things at once.

We just call him Star Saber.

We just call him Star Saber.

The mayor calls Star Saber, asking what to do. While having a direct phone line to the Autobot leader is useful, he may want to consider alerting the National Guard. They’d probably be of some help evacuating a city and searching for a bomb. Also, does EVERY city have Star Saber’s phone number or is Mayor Burns special?

Don't make promises you can't keep.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Star Saber makes a promise that he has no way of keeping: he will stop the bomb from exploding. Basically, he tells the mayor to do nothing except evacuate the city. Which he does. We see everyone leave and we don’t see any people for the rest of the episode. So the stakes just went wayyyy down.

Fortunately, robots don't have souls so we're in the clear.

Fortunately, robots don’t have souls so we’re in the clear.

Star Saber thinks to himself about how if a neutron bomb went off, everyone would die. So if you’ve been reading this recap saying, “So what?” to the neutron bomb, it turns out the bomb would actually be a bad thing. Of course, everyone’s already evacuated, but still.

No shit?

No shit?

Don’t worry, Star Saber has a plan! Look for the bomb. That’s his plan.

One dog scared - my mission is done.

One dog scared – my mission is done.

The Brainmasters walk around the city with little gold radars that apparently are designed just to find neutron bombs. Talk about useful! The Autobots completely fail to find the bomb, even when they scan the trash can by the really terrified stray dog.

Eat your vitamins and say your prayers!

Eat your vitamins and say your prayers!

After agreeing that they have not found the bomb… the Autobots pledge to not give up! So it’s sort of a two-part plan: Look, then DON’T quit.

I'd like to see a robot suck its thumb.

I’d like to see a robot suck its thumb.

As the oil tanker approaches the city, Gripper loses his temper and asks if there’s anything they could be doing aside from sucking their thumbs. No one is shown sucking their thumbs, so this is some sort of metaphor. Also, no one answers Gripper. So he’s just whining to himself.

Purple hoops!

Purple hoops!

The Decepticon spaceship, The Thunder Arrow, pops up from under the sea and opens its hull. Then it shoots purple hoops at the tanker, which draw it in. Purple hoops are universal code for hypnosis or tractor beams. In this case, they are tractor beams.

'Sup bros?

‘Sup bros?

Leozack and the other Breastforce members hop onto the oil tanker and hijack it. The crew is terrified so I guess they weren’t informed that they would be hijacked. Thanks, Mayor Burns.

Quiet as a tank.

Quiet as a tank.

The Autobots ignore that whole warning about not going near the tanker. Gripper swims over and climbs up right next to Leozack to listen in. Somehow, the Decepticons fail to notice the car-sized being climbing up the hull right next to them.

I bet he practices that look in the mirror.

I bet he practices that look in the mirror.

Gripper overhears Leozack mention that he has a detonator that can blow up the city. He also mentions where the bomb is, even though the other Decepticons presumably either already know where the bomb is or don’t need to know. But the Autobots are lucky. Leozack doesn’t notice Gripper and he gives up the location of the bomb. And he drops his winning lottery ticket onto Gripper’s head.

Yeah, you're all idiots.

Yeah, you’re all idiots.

The Autobots then observe that they didn’t bother to look at the most high profile target in the city – its only skyscraper which the Mayor works in. Sometimes the Autobots make it hard to cheer them on.

Might as well.

Might as well.

However, the Dinoforce is guarding the tower. I guess this means they are too stupid to realize the neutron bomb would kill them, too. They immediately merge to form Dinoking.

Yeah, Dinoking is a real threat.

Yeah, Dinoking is a real threat.

Braver and Laster simply do a rad-as-hell double flying kick to Dinoking’s face and mash him up really good. The combined power of six Decepticons is treated like a joke.

Sure you are.

Sure you are.

Star Saber immediately ditches his comrades and says he’s gonna save the tanker. I hope he has a stealthy plan, because right now the Decepticons could still blow the city up if the Autobots approach the oil tanker.

Gravity? What's that?

Gravity? What’s that?

Gripper and Laster then drive straight up the building. I wasn’t expecting that. They transform into robots and drop kick Dinoking, proving that he is literally no threat at all to the two of them.

High five!

High five!

They even take time off to high five one another. Braver, meanwhile, pilots Star Saber’s V-Star component to the top of the building to find the bomb. Since we just saw that the Brainmasters are capable of driving straight up the building, maybe he should have just driven up and Star Saber could have stayed combined in his more powerful form? But then, where’s the challenge in that?

Accurate.

Accurate.

Star Saber just flat out flies up to the tanker and starts shooting the tractor beam mechanism. Instead of instantly blowing up the city, Leozack and his team insult Star Saber and engage him in a fight. Because they are stupid. Star Saber knocks the detonator out of Leozack’s hand and picks it up. Easy peasy!

Those little animals get more done than anyone else.

Those little animals get more done than anyone else.

The Breastforce team all eject their chest animals which actually kind of kick Star Saber’s ass for a while. Eventually, Star Saber drops the detonator. Uh ohs!

Mmm, purple flavor.

Mmm, purple flavor.

The entire Breastforce team summon spears and throw them at Star Saber. He simply catches the first one and deflects the rest. His V-Star drops Braver off on the roof and joins him, blowing up the rest of the tractor beams. The five Breastorce members (plus their chest animals) are no match for one Autobot. I don’t know how we’re supposed to ever take the Decepticons seriously as a threat when they can’t even overwhelm the Autobots with sheer numbers.

You sure gave up fast.

You sure gave up fast.

Deathsaurus just gives up at this point. He doesn’t bother to step out and fight, even though he’s RIGHT THERE. He just calls this one a loss and has the Thunder Arrow fly away. The Thunder Arrow does not bother to even so much as shoot one of its many cannons at the oil tanker. Deathsaurus might be dealing with depression or a form of robotic retardation.

This looks horrific.

This looks horrific.

Dinoking rallies and gets ready to stomp on Gripper and Laster but they SHOOT HIM IN THE EYEBALLS. Blinded, he retreats.

Double high five, bro!

Double high five, bro!

Gripper and Laster give it up to each other with some more high fives. They’re really proud of beating Dinoking up. It seems like two jocks patting each other on the back after tripping the fat kid in gym class.

The remote also has tetris.

The remote also has tetris.

Leozack remembers that he can detonate the neutron bomb.

What an eyesore that building is.

What an eyesore that building is.

He punches the button a bunch and nothing happens. We cut to the roof where we see Braver has completely disassembled the bomb. Then the remote switch actually explodes in Leozack’s face. Does it hilariously cover him in soot like a Tom & Jerry cartoon? It DOES! The Decepticons all retreat. The Autobots watch them go away.

Autobots love sunsets.

Autobots love sunsets.

Cut to the Autobots enjoying another sunset. I like to imagine that sometimes they beat the Decepticons by the early afternoon and stand still for hours on end for the sunset and then out of nowhere start congratulating each other. If you ever want to ruin an Autobot’s day, steal some energy on a rainy day. After they beat you, they won’t know what do do with themselves.