Transformers: Super-God Masterforce Episode 34 Recap – “BlackZarak – Destroyer from Space”

Last episode the Decepticons destroyed the Autobots’ base. The good guys are on the ropes and this week starts with more bad news for them: BlackZarak, a powerful Decepticon (who still got his head blown off by Autobot leader God Ginrai and had to retreat to get repairs) returns from space. How? He seems to be able to make black holes appear and teleport through them. No, that isn’t even close to how black holes work. Let’s just skip over that and see where this goes.

Back in black.

Back in black.

Magnets. How do they work?

Magnets. How do they work?

Meanwhile, at the Decepticon base, their god/leader thing (Devil Z) tells field leaders Lord Giga and Lady Mega that BlackZarak is back and they can begin their mysterious plan, which they’ve named M-1. Not the most exciting name for an evil plan, is it? The “M” is for mystery!

Sure, that's a thing.

Sure, that’s a thing.

Devil Z explains that BlackZarak has used his down time in space to master the art of using black holes as weapons. I hope you didn’t want an explanation on that one because they offer nothing. BlackZarak kept busy in space. He had to heal up and grow a new head, learn how to use black holes as weapons, and presumably kept battling Autobot tough guy Grand Maximus who chased him. It’s like that phrase: “busy as a robotic scorpion.”

Good news: Twin Towers are back. Bad news: Black hole.

Good news: Twin Towers are back. Bad news: Black hole.

The Decepticon plan is twofold: they will attack New York and Paris simultaneously. A “black hole” forms over Manhattan. Scorponok flies through it and begins laying waste to the city. However, I really think this could have been cooler. This was made by Japanese artists. They had a great opportunity to go all Godzilla, but instead Scorponok just flies around shooting lasers. Not as interesting!

Wipe that smile off your face, jerk.

Wipe that smile off your face, jerk.

Where are the Autobots? They’ve decided to move to the Swiss Alps! Yeah, they decided the place to best regroup and be able to deploy to help the world was in some of the most remote icy mountains in the world. What were they thinking? They’re all just hanging around in the snow waiting for Grand Maximus to return because he can transform into a base. Cab tells Shuta he understands that he’s sad because their old base was built by his late father. But Shuta explains, no, that’s not it at all. He’s just wondering why Grand Maximus is late. Sorry Shuta’s dad. You are still not cared about. Also? Cab has a dumb smile on while consoling his friend. Nice try, asshole.

Good frequent flyer miles.

Good frequent flyer miles.

Ginrai decides he’ll fly into space to find out what’s holding Grand Maximus up. Wow. Who knew it was that easy? But, as we all know, outer space isn’t THAT big.

Overlord visits Europe!

Overlord visits Europe!

Overlord begins Operation M-1 and flies down into Paris. He tells the air that the Autobots aren’t a threat without their base. I don’t know how accurate that is. They never really hauled their base around to beat you up. They just needed their fists and guns.

Again? See episode 23.

Again? See episode 23.

Overlord destroys the Arc de Triomphe. In case you’re keeping score, that’s the second time the Decepticons have done that this season. They last did it in episode 23. Either the Decepticons hate culture or the TV writers hate the French.

Not funny.

Not funny.

The U.S. Navy hangs out by New York but doesn’t want to launch their missiles for fear of causing more damage to the city. The Air Force flies in but Scorponok blasts them to hell and teleports others away to who knows where. Unlike GI Joe, no one’s parachuting to safety. Entire buildings are demolished. Dogs and cats, living together. Mass hysteria.

What time is it?

What time is it?

Metalhawk and Phoenix happen to fly by New York and they contact the other Autobots to let them know what’s happened. Diver radios him first to tell him Overlord has demolished Paris and is moving East. Scorponok destroyed New York and is moving West. So if they’re meeting up, they’re taking the extra scenic route.

Space is actually not very big.

Space is actually not very big.

While this goes on, God Ginrai flies around in space and figures Grand Maximus should be here because that’s where his signal cut out. Then he bumps into something he didn’t notice.

Ut ohs!

Uh ohs!

Yeah, he flew right up to a black hole that’s eating stars. How do you miss a black hole? It’s bigger than Earth.

Gravity vs. willpower.

Gravity vs. willpower.

God Ginrai flies into the black hole and is not crushed. Instead he bumps into Grand Maximus who is trapped there. Grand explains that he’s almost out of energy trying to keep from getting sucked all the way in. God Ginrai starts to slip back and Grand explains he needs to focus. So this Black Hole is kind of like a subtle ocean tide at the beach.

Minerva may be on the spectrum.

Minerva may be on the spectrum.

Back on Earth, Shuta and Cab worry that something happened to Ginrai. So Minerva covers her ears and screams at them not to even think such a thing. How dare they anticipate a very possible reality?

Bye, U.S. Navy.

Bye, U.S. Navy.

Oh, and Scorponok is also shown to have completely eliminated and killed the Navy. That all happened off screen. Not important enough to show those deaths.

Three hours for the entire planet to agree on something. Right.

Three hours for the entire planet to agree on something. Right.

Overlord lands on the Great Wall of China and announces to the entire planet that they have three hours to surrender or they’ll keep up the destruction and destroy Tokyo next. Oh, and you should probably know that not a single soul is there at the Wall. So who he’s announcing this to or how anyone’s supposed to hear him is a great question with no answer. But all the governments of the world have plenty of time to agree on something. Three whole hours. Very realistic number, Overlord. Kudos.

Harsh imagery!

Harsh imagery!

Cut to Overlord flying to Tokyo mentioning there’s two hours left! He’s still talking as though everyone can hear him. If that’s true, why did he bother to stop by the Great Wall. Was it just on his bucket list? He promises a “festival of blood” starting with Tokyo. So dwell on that one, children!

Tickle plan: out.

Tickle plan: out.

Overlord hits Tokyo and is attacked by jets and tanks but they cause no damage. In fact, Overlord lets them know that they can’t even tickle him. Challenge accepted!

Close, but no "eat this."

Close, but no “eat this.”

By now, the Autobots have heard about the attacks and all race to Tokyo. Metalhawk and Phoenix try to slow him down and their plan seems to be grabbing his arms. He shrugs them off and tells them to swallow his Chokon Bolt Masher which is apparently what he calls the missiles he keeps on his abs. No one swallows them. He shoots at the Autobots but their fancy flying avoids the missiles pretty easily.

Thank you, Diver!

Thank you, Diver!

Then Diver pops up out of the water and shouts my favorite catch phrase this show loves to use. He shoots a tiny laser at Overlord that does absolutely nothing and he is instead shot and crashes. Not the most auspicious entrance to a battle.

No respect for dogs!

No respect for dogs!

Grand Maximus tells God Ginrai to fly away while he still has power. But Ginrai says he won’t let Grand die a “dog’s death.” What’s that supposed to mean? Does he let dogs die horribly a lot or something? It sounds atrocious!

Saving our lives? Worth a try.

Saving our lives? Worth a try.

God Ginrai explains his insane plan: they will use something more powerful than the black hole to end it’s threat. What’s that? They will combine their Chokon energy and… shoot it. Grand says that will leave them without any energy to get home. Ginrai says they’ll just absorb the energy from the explosion they caused. Once again, this show has found a way to resolve a problem with the concept of shooting really, really hard.

Maybe you should try it, Cab.

Maybe you should try it, Cab.

The Autobots gather in Tokyo to defend it. Shuta says he’ll kick Overlord’s ass himself (could never happen). Cab points out that he sounds determined. Well, yeah dude. He may be full of shit but he’s trying to appear confident in front of the enemy. You aren’t helping by pointing out what’s going on.

BlackZarak! Focus!

BlackZarak! Focus!

BlackZarak then shows up and blasts away at the Autobots with lasers and I think his black hole powers (he’s sparking with lightning the whole time). Overlord points out that they should ignore the Autobots here because they really can’t do anything and to focus on Tokyo. BlackZarak is terrible at focusing.

Step 1: import Detroit's professional sports teams. ZING!

Step 1: import Detroit’s professional sports teams. ZING!

Overlord and BlackZarak do in fact begin destroying Tokyo. And to keep the Autobots occupied, the Seacons, Headmaster Jrs and Buster and Hydra all fly in to fight them. The Autobots don’t really have a military type plan for something like this and just sort of blast their guns all over the place.

Things getting painted up in here.

Things getting painted up in here.

When things get really serious on Transformers, the animation changes to unmoving painted cells. And that’s what happens now as Overlord and BlackZarak demolish buildings and apparently stomp on people.

It IS a lot like that!

It IS a lot like that!

The Autobot Godmasters, though drastically outnumbered, order the Autobot Headmaster Jrs to put out fires and begin rescuing people. It’s noble, if not necessarily the best use of their time. However, they are blocked by their Decepticon counterparts. Everyone is at a stalemate while the two really big Decepticons trash the city. At least the weather’s nice.

Bust out the marshmallows and hot dogs!

Bust out the marshmallows and hot dogs!

Overlord then jinxes himself by saying that Ginrai is dead. He has no possible way of knowing whether he is or isn’t. He didn’t even really set a trap, did he? If he thinks Ginrai is dead, all I can figure is that BlackZarak set that black hole as a trap. That is a pretty astounding amount of fore-planning and assuming Ginrai would choose to go there, be able to find it, get close enough to get stuck in it, and not be able to figure a way out.

Ginrai: 100 times better than his entire army.

Ginrai: 100 times better than his entire army.

Obviously Grand Maximus and God Ginrai fly in at that moment. Shuta says they now have 100 times more power. He did the math, folks. It is 100 times.

Pretty rainbows.

Pretty rainbows.

A song begins about the power of Super Ginrai. That would have worked a dozen episodes ago, but now he’s got another powerup and is usually God Ginrai! Anyway, his really big move, that apparently only he could do, is to stand between BlackZarak and Overlord. They both power up a Chokon blast and God Ginrai simply drops out of the way and lets them shoot one another. Then he shoots them. Shooting solves everything!

It's no "Decepticons, retreat" but it'll do.

It’s no “Decepticons, retreat” but it’ll do.

The tide is turning and Devil Z orders his troops to strategically withdraw. He then adds that they’ll go to space and begin Operation M-2! Yikes, sounds like even with a few bruises, these Decepticons are on a bit of a roll. They’ve destroyed the Autobot base, New York, Paris and most of Tokyo. And that was just phase 1. Let’s hope the Autobots can get their act together. Also? Where was Lander and Clouder this week? They probably should have clocked in and helped out.