Transformers: Kiss Players Recap – Part 3 of 3

Chris Piers   June 18, 2013   Comments Off on Transformers: Kiss Players Recap – Part 3 of 3

So what happened with those casettes that met the Kiss Players, formed a band and promptly were abandoned? Sundor, Rosanna and Glit met up with Teletraan 15. Remember on the original cartoon how the Autobots had a mega computer called Teletraan I? Well, by 2005 they’re up to the 15th model which is one of several humanoid computers developed by the Autobots to be extensions of Teletraan I. Teletraan 15 is shy and unlucky. Her closest friend is Teletraan 10 who is snarky and frustrated by 15 but ultimately helps her when needed.

Teletraan 15

Teletraan 15

Read on to hear Teletraan 15’s depressing story!

In 2005, Teletraan I’s databanks are destroyed by an unknown saboteur. The Autobots panic a bit and send out a call to the orbiting satellite base Nana which is commanded by the mysterious Kurohyo Man (Blank Panther Man). He sends Teletraan 15 to go through time and space to gather the missing data.

Black Panther Man sends Teletraan 15 on an adventure

Black Panther Man sends Teletraan 15 on an adventure

Appropriately enough, Teletraan 15 goes on 15 missions. Teletraan 10 follows 15 from the monitors on Nana, adding sarcastic comments along the way. They are all pretty short, so here’s a synopsis.

Perceptor

Perceptor

15 first visits Perceptor who is a total creep. He’s examining a microchip and giggling about how it’s time for its checkup. When 15 interrupts, he switches over to a professional attitude. At first 15 thinks he’s a bit of a coward but once she witnesses him transform into his rarely seen tank mode, she sees his courage.

Wheelie is a perv

Wheelie is a perv

15 next goes into the future but before she can do anything, Wheelie runs up and lifts her skirt. Wheelie is hypnotized by her white panties but 10 shows up and kicks him in the face. Wheelie transforms into his lame car and starts to drive away.

Kup is old but can party

Kup is old but can party

As Wheelie escapes, Kup picks him up and admonishes him for his bad behavior. Kup sees 15 and thinks he remembers her from his past. He gives her a nearly life-crushing hug and reminisces about their supposed adventures together, including the Ick-Yak story he told in the Transformers Movie. Then he suddenly realizes he doesn’t know her and drives away. 10 has a great line where she says his “musket laser” doesn’t make any sense as a name because it shoots acid.

MicroMaster Hot Rod

MicroMaster Hot Rod

15 next goes even further into the future but is attacked by a mindless Novaroid, one of the minions of Dark Nova. Dark Nova is a powerful supernatural entity that hates the Autobots. Just as a quick lesson, Generation 1 continuity goes like this: Seasons 1 and 2 of the cartoon, Binaltech/Alternators, the Movie, Kiss Players, Season 3, Headmasters, Super God Masterforce, Victory, Zone, Return of Convoy, and Operation Combination. We’re in the Return of Convoy Era. 15 is saved by Hot Rod who dispatches the enemy with his saw blade arm. 15 comments that he looks shorter than she remembers (Hot Rod is in his MicroMaster form at this period). Hot Rod accuses 15 of causing the transwarp wormholes that are plaguing Earth but then a new one opens up nearby.

Star Convoy

Star Convoy

Star Convoy flies in (this is the reborn form of Optimus Prime, by the way, so yeah – he comes back to life again) and says that he needs Hot Rod’s help. He says that Megatron and Dark Nova are merging so he needs his assistance. Hot Rod begins to say his goodbyes to 15.

10 and Black Panther Man

10 and Black Panther Man

But just then the transwarp wormhole blasts energy, injuring Hot Rod. 15 sees a massive purple and gray robot emerging from the hole. Back on Nana, 10 is scared for 15 but Black Panther Man is calm. 15 steps over Hot Rod to protect him when she suddenly sees her right arm rip off.

Galvatron

Galvatron

15 collapses in shock, seeing that her arm has been bitten off by Galvatron. He begins to choke the life out of Hot Rod. 10 appears to help 15 as Star Convoy and the Autobots return to save Hot Rod.

Nightmares about Galvatron

Nightmares about Galvatron

15 wakes up back on Nana. Her right arm has been repaired but she is plagued with visions of Galvatron choking Hot Rod. 10 heads to check on her but is stopped by Black Panther Man who confides with her something about the data 15 has uploaded. 15 realizes that her hand can now convert to a buzzsaw like Hot Rod’s.

Blaster!

Blaster!

While 15 recovers, Blaster transforms from his boombox mode and listens to her problems. He suggests that she concentrate on what she loves doing and stop worrying about what she thinks she’s supposed to do. He gives her a tape and says that she should listen to music to cheer up whenever she’s down. She thanks Blaster happily and he leaves but when she listens to the music, it’s really depressing. Cue trombone sound.

Steeljaw and Jetfire

Steeljaw and Jetfire

15 heads back to the future but is knocked unconscious. She wakes up to see Steeljaw protecting her and a massive robot above. Steeljaw says he recognizes the scent as Jetfire but doesn’t recognize his form. Jetfire says the area is about to become a battlefield and offers to take them to safety. He transforms and takes them away while a pair of Decepticons lurk in the forest, watching them. 15 makes a memo that she’s bothered by Steeljaw’s fondness for the smell of young women and threatens to reveal that he has an embarrassing tendency to rust. Wish I made that up, but I didn’t.

Battle Convoy

Battle Convoy

Jetfire is attacked by the two Decepticons, Smokescreen and Dreadwing. Fortunately, Optimus Prime (in his Battle Convoy form) intercepts the problem, cutting one of Dreadwing’s wings off. 15 notes that Optimus looks a bit sad.

Back on Nana, 10 is reviewing security footage of the Ark from the sabotage and sees Black Panther Man there. She isn’t sure why he’d be there. Are YOU? 15 travels back to Nana but a force hits her transwarp cruiser. Just as 10 is about to confront her boss, 15 crashes her cruiser into the satellite. Exiting the wreckage, 15 grabs 10 by the neck. She has a Decepticon symbol on her forehead and announces she is the Decepticons’ new leader. Black Panther Man says he recognizes the voice: Starscream!

Starscream is back!

Starscream is back!

The possessed 15 has taken over Nana. 10 kicks 15 in the butt but 15 blasts her with eye lasers. Black Panther Man tells 10 that she’s not in control of her own body. Starscream digs through 15’s data and learns about the power of the Kiss Players, leaves 15’s body and heads to Earth.

Sundor, Rosanna, and Glit.

Sundor, Rosanna, and Glit.

Glit, Rosanna and Sundor head to Nana. 10 is annoyed by their noise but 15 is happy to see them. The cassettes announce that they are going to stay because of the anti-electron field around Earth that prevents them from reaching the surface.

10 finally confronts Black Panther Man about the footage of him on the Ark. He isn’t surprised and acts evasive. Before 10 can press the issue, a wormhole opens above Earth, ejecting three mysterious objects that fall to Earth.

Black Panther Man accuses 15 of being the saboteur and has her imprisoned. The cassettes help her escape and 15 realizes that Black Panther Man has a secret agenda to use the data she is gathering to alter the future so that he can remove “unnecessary conflict.” 15 destroys her data disc and commands the Transwarp ship on Nana to travel back in time to prevent any of this from happening. Unfortunately, 10 and Black Panther Man also board the ship. 10 holds a gun to 15’s head but can’t bring herself to pull the trigger. 15 tries to charge the past version of the Black Panther Man so that he can’t get Teletraan 1’s data but the present version bites down on her ankle to stop her. 15 uses her buzzsaw arm to cut off her own foot to get free. She drives the saw into the main console, destroying the records that she’d gathered.

Black Panther Man admits a grudging respect for 10 and 15 foiling his plan. He was the Decepticon/Predacon Ravage from the future, in case you didn’t get that. Still, he dumps the girls and the cassettes out of his ship and vanishes into time/space. Left floating in space, 15 is still happy that she prevented a time disaster.