Transformers: Headmasters Episodes 7 and 8 Recap – “The Four-Million-Year-Old Veil of Mystery” & “Terror! The Six Shadows”

Chris Piers   February 19, 2013   Comments Off on Transformers: Headmasters Episodes 7 and 8 Recap – “The Four-Million-Year-Old Veil of Mystery” & “Terror! The Six Shadows”

Episode 7 is “The Four-Million-Year-Old Veil of Mystery” and is basically the origin story for the Headmasters. But the episode begins on planet Chaar with Galvatron screaming at each of his troops. Cyclonus defends himself.

Define "major."

Define “major.”

This is all preamble that isn’t very important. But Galvatron has some more yelling to do before we get to the Headmasters.

The mysterious Scorponok arrives to talk to Galvatron, although he stays in the shadows. Galvatron tells him to improve his performance. He yells at Scourge to finish up this filler segment.

Galvatron talks dirty to Scourge.

Galvatron talks dirty to Scourge.

On Athenia, the Headmasters receive a report that the small Autobot base on the planet Praum is under attack. Praum is described as being to the northeast of Athenia.

It's to the northeast of an entire planet? I can almost understand north, but how do you determine east in outer space?

It’s to the northeast of an entire planet? I can almost understand north, but how do you determine east in outer space?

Since Rodimus Prime is on Earth to watch over some new energy discovery, the Headmasters want to head out (get it?) to check on what’s happening.

Show us these "fists" of which you speak.

Show us these “fists” of which you speak.

While the Autobots on Earth try to figure out who generated the report, Blurr makes some sort of a joke and everyone ignores him so he mugs for the camera.

What fourth wall?

What fourth wall?

The Headmasters arrive at the desolate outpost and Highbrow shows that he is a Christian by crossing himself!

Speechless.

Speechless.

Before they enter a single figure fires a blast into the sky. The Headmasters head inside and then remember what JUST happened!

Short term memories.

Short term memories.

On Earth, Rodimus and Ultra Magnus investigate who created the new energy report that they came there to investigate. They find out that it’s a fake report that came from planet Praum. Realizing this is all an elaborate trap, Rodimus gets on the Trainbots which are trains that fly through outer space. It’s insane, but not as insane as the Autobot record keeping:

Yup, the Autobots keep paper records in file folders massive enough for truck-sized robots to read.

Yup, the Autobots keep paper records in file folders massive enough for truck-sized robots to read.

Back on Praum, the Headmasters head into the base and the doors and ceiling close around them. The walls begin to spin. The brilliant Autobots make a deduction:

I'm not so sure. Let's wait and see how this plays out.

I’m not so sure. Let’s wait and see how this plays out.

The walls spin so fast that they pull the Autobots off the ground and pin them to the wall. Then sand begins dumping in on top of them. It IS a trap and the Decepticon Headmasters pop up out of the sand to reveal they’re behind it.

They don't seem to have any problem getting out from under some sand.

They don’t seem to have any problem getting out from under some sand.

The Autobot Headmasters are getting buried in sand and can’t escape. It makes Cerebros flash back to 4 million years ago. The Headmasters were smaller transformers who wanted to leave behind the war on Cybertron. They landed on the hostile planet Master where they lost many of their brethren to the harsh environment, including ice ages and sandpits. Eventually, to help themselves survive, they built large robot bodies (transtectors) and learned to transform into heads that could control the bodies. But they had to practice transforming the bodies and sucked at it for a while.

Millions of years and they still can't control what they built.

Millions of years and they still can’t control what they built.

The memories of learning to survive planet Master inspire the Headmasters to fight harder. They switch heads which lets them all power out of the sand, escape and beat on the Decepticons. Rodimus Prime and the Trainbots join in and even when Galvatron shows up, the Decepticons get they asses whupped, yo. The Autobots toss them into the sand pit, but before they can die Astrotrain picks them up and they fly away.

Spoiler: they don't fall.

Spoiler: they don’t fall.

So that’s that! Next up is episode 8, “Terror! The Six Shadows” and it begins with a shadowy spaceship approaching Earth. The narrator helpfully informs us that something terrible is about to happen to Earth. Cut to the Trainbots flying over Mount Fuji and at this point, that isn’t considered weird.

It does not crash.

It does not crash.

The Trainbots (and Wheelie and Daniel) are visiting Japan because that’s apparently where they’re from. They stand around watching tv and no one cares about giant robots anymore. They just stand around watching tv with them. Should we get excited? No one else is.

Robots watching tv.

Robots watching tv.

A shadowy figure interrupts the broadcast to say he wants all the energy and laughs then signs off. Everyone understandably acts confused because he didn’t exactly say how he wants it delivered. At the Autobot headquarters, the Autobots say the shadowy figure isn’t a Decepticon. I don’t know how they can tell. Daniel has a suggestion that confuses Wheelie.

Wait wait wait. A problem OTHER than the Decepticons?

Wait wait wait. A problem OTHER than the Decepticons?

His idea is a villain other than the Decepticons. No one else thought of it. Ultra Magnus sends the info to Rodimus Prime on planet Athenia, where he and the Headmasters run and jump into a triple changer airplane to head for Earth. So they can now travel between planets by teleporting, space bridges, space shuttles, choo choo trains and airplanes. The future is a great place to live!

At the Decepticon base on planet Chaar, the Decepticons also don’t know who the shadowy figure is. Cyclonus says he might have an idea and Galvatron is all like, “Spit it out!!!” His idea is simply to let this guy take the energy and then steal it from him. Scourge says he should be allowed to steal it which prompts this delightful squabble.

I sense a love connection.

I sense a love connection.

Galvatron flat out says they are boring him so they can both do it if they want to. Cyclonus asks the Headmasters to come with him but they are too busy playing poker.

They sit this episode out.

They sit this episode out.

Yup, they’re just not interested. No one in this episode seems interested in much of anything! Cut to Earth where Rodimus tells the Headmasters to check in on each of the countries that have been threatened which includes the USSR. Maybe they reform in the near future. Cut to Sixshot just cold chillin’ with an energon drinky drink!

I don't often drink. But when I do, I drink energon.

I don’t often drink. But when I do, I drink energon.

Awesome. Cyclonus tells him how Galvatron is furious (dude, he barely cared) and Sixshot says it’s a delightful story. Cut to New York where the Headmasters are just lounging around on the Statue of Liberty. Chromedome makes a weird observation:

And then he banged the statue.

And then he banged the statue.

Highbrow says the Statue of Liberty looks much better. Headmaster snap! They decide they should actually do what Rodimus sent them to do and figure out who the shadowy figure is. And here is their brilliant plan that they all heartily agree with:

Rodimus put his best minds on this one.

Rodimus put his best minds on this one.

They go to an actual broadcast station and look at the monitor. The image that New York saw was of a shadowy gun and they all instantly say that the shadowy figure wasn’t working alone. Rodimus Prime puts together info from his field teams and learns each of 6 threatened countries saw a different shadow. Then Chromedome uses this futuristic technology to examine each shadow:

No, that's my sex tape!

No, that’s my sex tape!

Yeah. VHS will come back! Don’t get rid of your tapes. Japan saw a robot shadow, the US saw a gun, the USSR saw a tank, Britain saw a wolf, France saw a jet and Canada saw a car blob. Daniel is scared of six whole bad guys (have you guessed what will happen yet? I am typing this as I watch but I think we can all figure out who the blackmailer is). Fortunately, the Trainbots remind Daniel that they also number six. So there you go. Who needs the rest of the Autobot army. They have six choo choos!

Just then one of the Trainbots (we never learn their names) sees a reflection in his drink. Ratbat is hanging on the ceiling in cassette mode! Wheelie hits him in the wing with a slingshot and all six Trainbots begin shooting at Ratbat but he flies out a window. They are terrible shots! Ratbat and Soundblaster relay the info to Cyclonus and Scourge while SIXshot sits around bored in the foreground. I’ve never seen so much casual chilling out by robots.

No one in this episode cares about anything.

No one in this episode cares about anything.

Scourge and Cyclonus decide they should intercept the Autobots when they attack the shadowy figure. Sixshot says he’s not up for it and they call him a coward and leave. He sits around laughing menacingly. Cut to London where a giant wolf robot scares some super-British folks going for a horseride.

Run, Lord Grantham! Downton Abbey is under attack!

Run, Lord Grantham! Downton Abbey is under attack!

The Autobots arrive in England which I bet you didn’t know is a desert with mountains. It’s true:

Hey kids, look. Big Ben.

Hey kids, look. Big Ben.

The Autobots are too late to catch the blackmailers though. Cut to New York where a giant gun blasts the city a bunch. By the time the Headmasters and Metroplex show up, it looks like Jersey.

Such language! Heavens to murgatroid even!

Such language! Heavens to murgatroid even!

Cyclonus and Scourge spy on them from nearby ruins and mutter about how they need to find the blackmailer. Someone taps Cyclonus on the shoulder and he does a double take when he sees that it’s the Autobots. Brainstorm uses some gay panic humor.

You wish.

You wish.

The Decepticons hightail it out of there and we cut to everyone back at Autobot headquarters. Rodimus says maybe they’ll hit Japan next. Well, you probably have a 25% chance of being right. Ultra Magnus wonders why he thinks they’d be next and Rodimus says it’s because they have a successful energy generation program. What, and the other nations don’t? Hardhead grabs his friend’s neck and says he’ll do this to the bad guys.

Sorry! In my defense, I'm quite stupid!

Sorry! In my defense, I’m quite stupid!

Jerk. Despite the fact that Daniel knows what’s going on, he enters and announces that the Trainbots took him shopping.

Time to pay attention to meee!

Time to pay attention to meee!

Yeah. The Trainbots insist that they were patrolling Japan but the Headmasters think they were just having fun. Daniel asks them to stop fighting, saying it’s his fault. Chromedome asks him to be quiet and Daniel just about breaks down. Wheelie asks him to lay off. But it’s too late. Daniel hurls his gifts to the ground and runs away. They are full of robot toys. Wheelie says he enjoyed buying presents for his parents. The Headmasters all come and apologize. Daniel says he isn’t sad anymore and is playing with a ninja throwing star. Chromedome wonders what it is and Daniel explains ninjas to the Headmasters. Chromedome’s memory is jogged:

If only I remembered this a few hours ago.

If only I remembered this a few hours ago.

The Headmasters flash back to a ninja who had six forms and how he killed a bunch of their friends to steal energy from their mines. Chromedome says the next time he meets an evil ninja, he wants revenge. Cut to Rodimus asking if the blackmailer could be all six shadows and Chromedome says there’s no doubt about it. His evidence? None, but Highbrow says that it’s typical of a ninja to divide into six.

At this point, Sixshot shows up in Tokyo, no longer drawn in shadows. Rodimus sends the Headmasters after him. The Trainbots ask if they can go and the Headmastesters tell them not to butt in. Because who needs help. They beg to defend their homeland and Rodimus agrees they can go instead of the Headmasters.

Cyclonus and Scourge decide to hit Japan in Trypticon. Sixshot is blowing up buildings left and right when the Trainbots arrive and apparently they are also combiners because they form a massive robot together right away! Daniel cheers them on from the safety of Autobot headquarters and calls him Raiden.

Trypticon shows up and he and Sixshot blast away at Raiden. The Headmasters say they can’t sit back any more and head out. Rodimus just sort of watches them go and says nothing. Just as Raiden seems cornered, the Headmasters show up and things seem more balanced. The Decepticons retreat but now all the Autobots can fly and they chase them. During this time, Sixshot uses a variety of his forms. Then he turns into six guns but Scourge bumps into him and he turns back into one.

Cyclonus seems shocked to realize that this is Sixshot. Sixshot turns into six wolves and covers Raiden up. Chromedome flashes back to remembering his friend getting killed. Then they shoot all the wolves and Sixshot turns into one robot and gets his butt kicked some more. There’s not much dialog this whole time, just a prolonged fight scene. Sorry.

The Decepticons all retreat and Galvatron screams at Cyclonus and Scourge for not understanding the plan. The Trainbots and Headmasters agree to be friends and give Daniel a bunch of presents. The end, please.