Transformers: Headmasters Episode 34 Recap – “The Final Showdown on Earth (Part 1)”

We’re here. The final 2-parter of the Headmasters, the fourth season of Transformers, which was produced in Japan. What better way to wrap things up than to transcribe the lyrics to the opening theme?

Head on! Head on! Head on!

With your help
Together we can create
A future without wars!

We can leave a beautiful universe
For the ones we love!

Transform! Headmasters!
Fight! Headmasters!

This pain and suffering
That we’re going through now
Will bring good fortune
For someone in the future!

Transformers! Transformers!
Headmasters!

This episode is called “The Final Showdown on Earth (Part 1)” and we begin with some tourists in Athens, Greece. They’re visiting an arena where the tour guide shouts excitedly that the ancient Greeks didn’t even need microphones. And you can see that the show nailed the futuristic cameras of 2010.

Typical Greek tourists.

Typical Greek tourists.

Read on to see if Zarak has a variation to his usual bomb-the-planet.

The amazing tour is interrupted by a massive cylindrical tower that emerges from beneath the ground. The Decepticon twins confirm that it came up and scared everyone away and transform to, I dunno, report on it?

The Athens tourism trade is ruined. Our work here is done.

The Athens tourism trade is ruined. Our work here is done.

Meanwhile, in the ocean near Lisbon, Spain a cruise ship is suddenly lifted out of the water. It’s Predaking! And Bruticus is there, too, but he just watches. Passengers fall off the deck like in Titanic and then Predaking throws the boat which capsizes and sinks. Pretty horrible, really. Then a second tower pops up out of the water.

Lifting while swimming is NOT easy.

Lifting while swimming is NOT easy.

Back at the Autobot headquarters on Earth, Spike and Carly are updated on the towers by a robot from the 1950s. Who the hell is this Autobot? We seriously couldn’t have had Goldbug, Spike’s best friend, report the news?

Who is this Autobot? He seems great!

Who is this Autobot? He seems great!

Carly doesn’t know what to do because Cerebros and his Autobots still haven’t reached Earth!

Bake some space food.

Bake some space food.

Speaking of Cerebros, he picks today to decide to pick up the pace and requests full power. Wow. What an asshole. He was just cruising these last few episodes.

Maybe you should've been using full speed from the beginning.

Maybe you should’ve been using full speed from the beginning.

Meanwhile, Wheelie says that if there’s a fight to come he hopes he’s involved. I don’t know who he’s trying to fool: Daniel or himself. I’m trying to think of a single Decepticon that Wheelie could take on. Ratbat? Maybe?

We all want you in the thick of the battle, Wheelie. Who knows what could happen?

We all want you in the thick of the battle, Wheelie. Who knows what could happen?

Staying in his excessively chipper mood, Wheelie tells Daniel that he’s been acting sad ever since he witnessed his new friend Sixshot get blown up on the asteroid (last episode). Wheelie was not programmed with any compassion.

Try not to be so happy about him losing his friend, Wheelie.

Try not to be so happy about him losing his friend, Wheelie.

Time for Arcee’s big moment in this two parter. She gets to remind Daniel and Wheelie to put on their seat belts. The original cut had her cooking by herself but the animators remembered that Autobots don’t need to eat food so they found something more demeaning for her to do.

Arcee's big moment.

Arcee’s big moment.

Then Arcee tries to fool us into thinking there’s been character development by telling us that Daniel has really grown up. If that is so, then he better not cry between now and the next episode. Right? I think that’s only fair. Let’s see how that goes.

Don't encourage him, Arcee.

Don’t encourage him, Arcee.

Wheelie sees Daniel getting a compliment because he’s worried about others and instantly starts needling his “friend” that he cares about others too. Daniel, to his credit, does not give Wheelie an ounce of his attention.

Nope!

Nope!

And speaking of character development, Chromedome apologizes to Point Blank for being hot-headed last episode. Chromedome’s character arc is that he will suddenly not be hot-headed. Got it?

Point Blank believes in two things: manners and being the best chair you can be.

Point Blank believes in two things: manners and being the best chair you can be.

Then the other Headmasters start teasing Chromedome about being friendly with Point Blank. Jesus Christ, focus you nimrods.

If you get my meaning. Wink!

If you get my meaning. Wink!

Cerebros is contacted by Metroplex on Earth. He lets the Autobots know about the Decepticon shenanigans going on and confirms that it is not Scorponok but other Decepticon “remnants.” I wish we’d get to see some classic G1 characters like Thundercracker or Blitzwing but something tells me it’ll just be the dudes we’ve already seen.

Remnants is a big word. Way to go, Metroplex.

Remnants is a big word. Way to go, Metroplex.

Yet another of these towers, which are being referred to as “Death Towers” pops up in Canberra, Australia. Bruticus is there to make sure it pops up a-ok but this time the Protectobots arrive to help. These typical Australians cheer them on: Man with 50s pompadour, Street fighter, Club goer with flashy vest, Woman in underwear.

Typical Australians.

Typical Australians.

Bruticus and Defensor begin pounding on each other. Bruticus lays some smack talk and throws Defensor against the tower so hard that his arm and leg break off!

Let Swindle do your talking. He had personality.

Let Swindle do your talking. He had personality.

But Defensor just switches his connections. Now he has an arm for a foot and shoots Bruticus in the face with his new foot gun!

Foot gun!

Foot gun!

While that goes down, Fortress and the Autobots arrive on Earth. And there’s a stowaway hiding on the outside: Sixshot! He survived the explosion last episode. Before flying away on his personal mission, he speaks into thin air about how great Daniel is.

Just talking to thin air about Daniel.

Just talking to thin air about Daniel.

Cerebros meets up with Metroplex who lets him know that a fourth location has been attacked in South America. The Autobots anticipated that there would be a Death Tower there: two in the southern hemisphere to match the two that originally appeared in the northern hemisphere.

OK, let me know if anywhere important is attacked.

OK, let me know if anywhere important is attacked.

The Autobots look at a map to point out where the Death Towers are. Daniel helpfully sits on top of the map.

Daniel, you wanna get the hell off our strategy table?

Daniel, you wanna get the hell off our strategy table?

Cerebros theorizes that the Death Towers will somehow destroy Earth but he’s not sure how. So he’s just telling everyone what they already know.

Gee, I dunno. Maybe Zarak is just decorating.

Gee, I dunno. Maybe Zarak is just decorating.

Just then Arcee runs in to tell Cerebros that Spike and Carly were on a plane to South America and it’s crashed. Did it hit the Death Tower? I kept expecting them to say something like that, but there doesn’t seem to be any connection. The plane just went down.

Has... gotten a complimentary upgrade?

Has… gotten a complimentary upgrade?

Daniel is freaking the hell out because that’s his parents. After a while of him begging to know what’s happened, Cerebros tells Arcee that she should go ahead and answer him. Anyway, it went down but they don’t have a radio signal. Daniel, Wheelie and the Headmasters head out to find out what happened.

Dial it down a notch, kiddo.

Dial it down a notch, kiddo.

Cerebros meets up with Counterpunch, the Autobot spy. He reveals that he doesn’t know what Zarak’s plan is or where Scorponok is. Great work. Keep it up.

Thanks for coming back to let us know you failed.

Thanks for coming back to let us know you failed.

The Targetmasters check out one of the Death Towers to try to understand it. Point Blank gives Sureshot the vague task of looking at sensors. Sureshot pulls out a handheld device that promptly explodes because there’s too much information. You know, like if you download too many apps on your phone. It just explodes, right?

And then break out your crime lab.

And then break out your crime lab.

The Headmasters (in the Trainbots) find the crashed plane and go down to help. Some of the passengers fell down a ravine onto a cliff below. Spike says he’s injured but will be okay. They are pulling up people from the ravine but Carly is unconscious. The Headmasters can’t fit down into the ravine to help so they’re pulling people up one at a time with a rope. For some reason, the Autobots let the humans struggle with the rope instead of at least using their strength to lift people up.

Don't let the robot help. He only has the power of a car.

Don’t let the robot help. He only has the power of a car.

Daniel says that he’ll save his mom since Spike is hurt. Beats me why none of the other adults could do it, but whatever. Daniel saves his mom.

Spike does not trust his son with that rope.

Spike does not trust his son with that rope.

Meanwhile, Bruticus and Defensor are still fighting in Australia when Bruticus puts a definitive end to the proceedings with a badass knee to Defensor’s face. Just watching it made my teeth rattle.

That is a great knee to the head.

That is a great knee to the head.

Cerebros gets the Targetmasters’ report and determines the Decepticons are trying to extract Earth’s energy. Well no shit.

Like they've tried dozens of times, remember?

Like they’ve tried dozens of times, remember?

Chromedome reports in that Spike et al are okay, all thanks to Daniel. They really have a hard-on for Daniel.

Thanks to DANIEL? We're screwed.

Thanks to DANIEL? We’re screwed.

Sixshot flies in to Australia and meets the Decepticon twins and Bruticus who are surprised to see him. He reveals that he’s not with Scorponok because he was forced to take a different path home. Which is true, though not the full story. I like how Sixshot is acting.

Separate space paths.

Separate space paths.

He convinces Bruticus that he’s needed back with Scorponok. So Bruticus leaves but looks kinda sad about it, like he’s being left out.

Bruticus considers changing his soap.

Bruticus considers changing his soap.

Sixshot gets an update on the Decepticon plan. The twins let him know that the Death Towers will extract all of Earth’s energy and transmit it to a satellite where Scorponok can collect it. Sixshot is quietly letting them blabber on.

It's the perfect plan. This time.

It’s the perfect plan. This time.

He then promptly smashes them on their dopey heads. Ha ha! Even though I saw it coming, they sure didn’t!

Double punch! Hmmm... that'd be a fun codename.

Double punch! Hmmm… that’d be a fun codename.

But oh my lord, look at this. He f’n killed ’em! I wasn’t expecting that!

Now that's one way to get AHEAD in life!

Now that’s one way to get AHEAD in life!

The Autobots all reconvene at Fortress and the Targetmasters reveal that the towers are made from a powerful metal called “gliss” that came from… the sunken city of Atlantis. Wow. It may be the end, but this show is only too happy to slide in another wackadoo story beat.

Gliss, everybody. Their new fictional metal.

Gliss, everybody. Their new fictional metal.

The Targetmasters kinda-sorta explain how the plan will work but it’s just technobabble. It’s not even Star Trek-level technobabble. It’s nonsense.

It sounds made up. Did you make that up?

It sounds made up. Did you make that up?

As the episode draws to a close, yet another Death Tower breaks through the ground in front of the White House. The Decepticons are movin’ and groovin’!

Zarak's evil plan: ruin the White House's landscaping!

Zarak’s evil plan: ruin the White House’s landscaping!

That’s the cliffhanger. The Decepticons have their Death Towers all over the world, ready to extract Earth’s energy.

Post script: you’ll never hear about who put the towers underground, when, or how. They’re just there. Next episode wraps everything up!

  • Lamar The Revenger

    ALmost was expecting Mergill & the Sub-Atlanticans when Atlantis was mentioned..