Transformers: Headmasters Episode 33 Recap – “Duel on the Asteroid”

Chris Piers   May 28, 2013   Comments Off on Transformers: Headmasters Episode 33 Recap – “Duel on the Asteroid”

We’re nearing this show’s end game. But before we get there, the Autobots are chasing the Decepticons to Earth and we pause for a showdown between the lead character on each side. This is “Duel on the Asteroid” and the excitement begins with Scorponok crusinging through space. Just smooth cruisin’. Probably playing a little yacht rock.

Crusing to some good tunes I hope.

Crusing to some good tunes I hope.

Read on to see how the battle goes down.

Zarak has a good head-start on the Autobots but as luck would have it, their warp drive is breaking down and they need to set down for some repairs. What good fortune for the good guys!

Pouty McFrownface.

Pouty McFrownface.

And by way of recap, Mindwipe reminds us that they don’t have Sixshot who they flat out abandoned on a different asteroid last episode. Probably not a smart move tactically but Zarak doesn’t like it when anyone talks back so that was that.

Hey, that's a great setup.

Hey, that’s a great setup.

The Decepticons set down on an asteroid to fix up Scorponok when Sixshot flies up to them. The Headmasters are a bit flummoxed but Sixshot walks in to talk to Zarak, robot-to-robot. Sixshot is pretty cool.

Awk. Ward!

Awk. Ward!

Zarak acts glad to see him and Sixshot seems content to go back to his job. Sixshot is a fantastic warrior and pretty smart but he sure doesn’t have much ambition. He could definitely lead the bad guys a lot better.

So as you can see, we had no time to go look for you.

So as you can see, we had no time to go look for you.

Meanwhile, the Targetmasters flew ahead to scout out Scorponok and check in with the Autobots flying their way on Fortress. I always wonder where the camera is supposed to be when they have these tv screen check-ins. Just me?

OK, we wouldn't want to send our spy to do that.

OK, we wouldn’t want to send our spy to do that.

Suddenly, the Targetmasters are ambushed by a bunch of Decepticons. How do you let someone sneak up on you in outer space? Shame on you, Targetmasters.

The Targetmasters are being spray painted purple!

The Targetmasters are being spray painted purple!

What’s the fastest way to help them out? Speed up Fortress? No. It’s to send the Trainbots their way with the Headmasters riding along. I’ll never understand why they decided to use a train as a spaceship on this show.

Choo choo! All aboard the flying train.

Choo choo! All aboard the flying train.

The Decepticons figure the Headmasters will show up soon to help the Targetmasters and Zarak has this finely-crafted plan: take out one of the Headmasters. Does he think they haven’t been trying so far? And why only one? Who knows? But that’s what Sixshot is ordered to do. Take out a Headmaster. Any will do. I’d recommend the helicopter guy.

The show hasn't bothered to give them much personality, so I can't be bothered to choose.

The show hasn’t bothered to give them much personality, so I can’t be bothered to choose.

Sixshot takes on the task and even has his own ideas on how to improve it. That’s initiative! More of that, Sixshot!

It's called... Scientology.

It’s called… Scientology.

The Headmasters show up and declare that the Targetmasters are now safe. So I guess they are.

Safe!

Safe!

And now it’s time for Sixshot’s idea. It’s to challenge Chromedome to a duel. Mano y mano! One on one! Chromedome takes a while to get it, as usual.

Chromedome will take a while to "get it."

Chromedome will take a while to “get it.”

But of course he accepts. So that’s that. Chromedome vs. Sixshot in a duel. Place your bets. I lean towards the guy who has seven forms, but that’s just me.

Enough of your rubbish, you potty mouth.

Enough of your rubbish, you potty mouth.

Zarak is really impressed with the plan when Sixshot reports back. I suppose he thought Sixshot would just walk up and shoot one of them in the head.

A compliment from Zarak is almost as good as a diet soda.

A compliment from Zarak is almost as good as a diet soda.

But once Sixshot walks away, Zarak reveals he has a backup plan. He orders the Duocons to plant a time- wait for it -bomb! Yeah, he’s ok with blowing up Sixshot if he can take out a Headmaster, too. Even though they ditched Sixshot for dead hours ago, the Duocons seem surprised but are willing to do the job.

Enough with the time bombs!

Enough with the time bombs!

Cerebros leads the Autobots in his usual way: stating the glaringly obvious. His point is actually to remind Chromedome that there are bigger stakes than his personal pride and that they need to focus on saving Earth.

Yes, that does sound like a priority.

Yes, that does sound like a priority.

But billions of humans be damned! Chromedome can’t risk being labeled a coward!

Being thought of as a coward would be stinky.

Being thought of as a coward would be stinky.

Daniel and Wheelie get all sad because someone could get hurt in this duel. Why do they insist on hanging out with the Autobots all the time when they are devestated by the idea of people being hurt? The Autobots and Decepticons are at war.

Wheelie learns to be sad.

Wheelie learns to be sad.

Here’s your closeup of Daniel being all concerned. Remember: Daniel is friends with both Chromedome and Sixshot.

Daniel's been watching too much tv today.

Daniel’s been watching too much tv today.

While the other Autobots don’t want Chromedome to head off on this duel, Brainstorm offers to back him up. So Chromedome punches him in the face! I don’t understand this at all. Chromedome is a real asshole.

What a friend.

What a friend.

Sixshot heads out to the asteroid to duel and scolds the Duocons for being out late. He really does. He’s not suspicious of why they’re there. But he does want them to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Remember, the Transformers are aliens and their ways are not like ours.

Get to bed you rascal.

Get to bed you rascal.

Point Blank goes to talk to Chromedome about the nature of courage while Chromedome cleans his gun. I’m starting to suspect Point Blank is kind of into Chromedome.

Or the courage of trying authentic Mexican food.

Or the courage of trying authentic Mexican food.

But Chromedome can’t be talked out of this duel, reminding Point Blank that Sixshot has actually killed a bunch of his comrades.

I miss Ultra Magnus now. Thanks.

I miss Ultra Magnus now. Thanks.

Point Blank is forced to lay down the boom. If Chromedome leaves for this duel, he’ll be kicked out of the Autobots! I suppose the Autobots can’t threaten him with much more. It’s not like Chromedome has a credit card they can cancel or anything. Point Blank even tells him that he once did a similar thing and had to be reprimanded by Optimus Prime.

Your grades won't count!

Your grades won’t count!

But Chromedome can’t be reasoned with and to prove it, he shoots out a monitor on Fortress that had a picture of Sixshot on it. Expelling Chromedome might not be that bad of an idea either way. Chromedome says he’d rather face the dishonor of being expelled than being called a coward. So he’s pretty hung up on this one.

You wanna maybe stop shooting our own ship?

You wanna maybe stop shooting our own ship?

As Chromedome heads off, Brainstorm changes his opinion (probably since he got punched in the face for his old one) and tells Chromedome that it isn’t cowardice to pass on a challenge. But like Marty McFly in Back to the Future Part III, Chromedome will need to learn that lesson on his own.

What is it, then?

What is it, then?

The Autobots realize that the Decepticons are heading for Earth again, using Chromedome leaving as a distraction to get a head start.

We're so dumb! We're not doing anything!

We’re so dumb! We’re not doing anything!

Meanwhile, Daniel is using that distraction to put on his Exo Suit. Or, as Wheelie insists on calling it, his Excel Suit. Why is he putting on his robot suit? To stop the duel from happening, on his own.

To work on my spreadsheet of course.

To work on my spreadsheet of course.

Daniel easily knocks Wheelie down, heads out a convenient exit that doesn’t require any sort of authorization codes, transforms into a lump of shit, and flies through space.

Turbo Teen cosplay.

Turbo Teen cosplay.

Point Blank begs to go after Daniel but Cerebros has finally had enough of Daniel’s shit and tells the Autobots that they’re heading for Earth. Just kidding. Of course he lets Point Blank go to rescue Daniel. The rest of them head for Earth.

No. We need to teach Daniel a lesson.

No. We need to teach Daniel a lesson.

Chromedome arrives at the asteroid and Sixshot shows up with a flash, like ninjas do. They give a really weak “hey” before they go to town, blasting the shit out of each other.

Hey.

Hey.

 

Great aim, superstar.

Great aim, superstar.

 

Cars driving across asteroids. I don't have the words.

Cars driving across asteroids. I don’t have the words.

But eventually Daniel shows up and begs them to stop. He even chooses the moment when Chromedome has the upper hand. Ugh. Daniel. Blech.

Slap fight!

Slap fight!

Daniel puts himself between the two and tells Sixshot he’ll have to shoot him first. But of course he can’t because everyone likes Daniel.

Daniel tries to depress Sixshot into suicide.

Daniel tries to depress Sixshot into suicide.

Just then, the time bomb goes off. Sixshot first thinks Chromedome set a trap but Chromedome says Zarak must have done it and Sixshot is like, “Oh yeah. That does make sense.”

Must be a Monday.

Must be a Monday.

Zarak is watching on his monitors and orders all the bombs to be set off because Sixshot was insubordinate. To remind you, last episode Sixshot recommended going around an asteroid path. Zarak disagreed, went through, and that’s how he damaged his warp drive. For that piece of advice, he determines Sixshot must die. Best of luck with your final battle against the Autobots, moron.

Newsflash: all of your lackies act subordinate from time to time.

Newsflash: all of your lackies act subordinate from time to time.

Daniel falls into a crevice but Sixshot calls off the duel and saves Daniel. He falls into the flames cursing Zarak but seriously. How many times do you need to be screwed over by your boss before you learn your lesson? Apparently the answer is three.

Fool you three times, shame on you Sixshot.

Fool you three times, shame on you Sixshot.

Point Blank flies up just as the asteroid goes nuclear. Ah well.

Read this like Steven Wright would say it.

Read this like Steven Wright would say it.

Psych! Chromedome and Daniel are ok. They got out just in time. I’m sure you’re shellshocked.

Look what I won at the carnival, guys!

Look what I won at the carnival, guys!

Here’s another shocker: Daniel cries about Sixshot dying.

Daniel cries a lot.

Daniel cries a lot.

But when everyone gets back to Fortress (seriously, ditch Fortress if you can all fly faster than it) the Autobots engage in a huge laugh riot while Daniel cries. This is so out of left field that I remember why I do these recaps. The Autobots really just laugh about what a goofball Chromedome was while Daniel stands there crying.

Laughing at Daniel's pain.

Laughing at Daniel’s pain.

Chromedome tells Daniel that maybe Sixshot survived because he’s a ninja. Well, I hope so. We’ll see. Next time we begin the finale!