Transformers: Headmasters Episode 30 Recap – “The Zarak Shield Turns the Tide”

Chris Piers   May 16, 2013   Comments Off on Transformers: Headmasters Episode 30 Recap – “The Zarak Shield Turns the Tide”

If you want my opinion, this was the most boring episode yet of the show. It’s called “The Zarak Shield Turns the Tide” but I don’t know how accurate it is. Last week, the Decepticons successfully blackmailed the Autobots into getting ahold of the blueprints to their greatest weapon: the Master Sword. This week, they plan to use it to make themselves a new weapon. At least, that’s what would stand to reason, right? The Autobots have to put on their thinking cap about that one.

Or will they not use it at all?

Or will they not use it at all?

Read on to see where this story goes, or doesn’t go.

Hardhead has the temerity to ask whether the Decepticons will actually use their blueprints to make a weapon and Highbrow chides him. Because their leader is too sensitive? The Autobots wonder whether the Decepticons fled from Planet Master or not but note that they definitely never had time to build a base. I don’t know why they’d NEED to build a base when they have Scorponok who transforms into a city.

Tsk! Tsk!

Tsk! Tsk!

Meanwhile, the Decepticons haven’t gone far from Planet Master. They are simply hanging out in some asteroids nearby. Or, as Weirdwolf calls it, “space dust.” He also tells Skullcruncher to calm down, because Skullcruncher is excitable for no real reason.

Not so loud. I have a hangover.

Not so loud. I have a hangover.

Skullcruncher explains that he worries they’ll bump into aliens in the space dust and daydreams about what they might look like:

Skullcruncher daydreams about aliens.

Skullcruncher daydreams about aliens.

Zarak tells his troops that the space dust keeps the Autobots’ sensors from detecting them. But then he instantly orders them to return to Planet Master.

That sort of makes sense.

That sort of makes sense.

Meanwhile, the Decepticon Targetmasters brag that they already figured out why they hid in the space dust. The Headmasters are shocked! But Triggerhappy explains why they are so great:

Experienced in what?

Experienced in what?

The Autobots are hanging out on Fortress, orbiting the planet, and the Targetmasters declare to each other that maybe they should look around on Planet Master to see if the Decepticons have a hideout, if not a base. It’s only the most obvious thing to try ever so they all agree that they’ve had a good idea.

Because he wouldn't think of that on his own.

Because he wouldn’t think of that on his own.

As they walk away, a crate opens. Who was in it? Soundblaster, in his full robot mode. So he doesn’t even bother to transform anymore, I guess. He sends Ratbat to spy on the Autobots some more.

He was literally hiding in a crate in his robot mode.

He was literally hiding in a crate in his robot mode.

The Autobots immediately notice Ratbat and as usual, fail to shoot him. Ratbat and Soundwave fly down to Planet Master. At least the Autobots notice that much.

They must?

They must?

The Targetmasters are dispatched to look for the Decepticon hideout. Three guys to cover one planet. Great plan. But the problem the Headmasters have with the plan is that they’re jealous.

You can't always get what you want.

You can’t always get what you want.

The Targetmasters land in some mountains and instantly declare it’d be the perfect hiding spot. They don’t give a single reason why, other than they are possibly very lazy.

Or at least good enough. Ok, it stinks but we're here.

Or at least good enough. Ok, it stinks but we’re here.

But then the Decepticon Targetmasters show up and there’s a shootout. The Decepticons blast the cliff behind the Autobots and it springs forth a cascade of water that washes the Autobots away.

Guns! Guns! Guns!

Guns! Guns! Guns!

Sounblaster immediately informs Zarak that the Autobots drowned. He seems to honestly believe this. I guess he forgot that Transformers don’t breathe. They go underwater and into outer space ALL the time.

Robots can't drown.

Robots can’t drown.

The Targetmasters are shown to simply swim out of the new river and grouse about how they made a blunder there and now they should find the hideout which must be nearby. They’re lucky. They’re a-ok, the bad guys think they’re dead and they know the hideout must be nearby!

Dumbasses on patrol.

Dumbasses on patrol.

The Autobots have also completely given the Targetmasters up for dead. They don’t know what went down but they haven’t heard from them in a little while so Chromedome assumes they died!

Well that's a happy thought to shrug casually to.

Well that’s a happy thought to shrug casually to.

Fortunately, Cerebros isn’t a complete idiot and he reminds the Headmasters that the Targetmasters are way cooler so they’re probably fine.

You guys pretty much suck.

You guys pretty much suck.

Zarak is given a report by his Targetmasters that they took out the Autobots but Sixshot points out that when the Autobot Targetmasters don’t report in, the rest of the Autobots will investigate. He takes a squad of Decepticons to wait for the Autobots and lead them away from their hideout. Mindwipe isn’t psyched about the job, but sucks it up.

I yam what I yam, I'm Popeye the sailor man.

I yam what I yam, I’m Popeye the sailor man.

Weirdwolf has been feeling jealous of the Targetmasters and wants to impress everyone. His first idea? To declare that if he sees the Autobots, he’d hit them hard. No one seems to give this much consideration.

Hard, eh? How will you get hard?

Hard, eh? How will you get hard?

Fortress flies down to the mountains on Planet Master and chase after the Decepticons who fly and weave in a very obviously weird pattern. Chromedome asks why they don’t just fight them. It sort of makes sense.

That's the usual plan.

That’s the usual plan.

But Cerebros just sort of knows they’re being mislead and heads back to where they started, abandoning pursuit of the Decepticons. No real reason. Just need to speed the story along.

Cerebros thinks he's smart because his troops repeat his words all the time, stunned.

Cerebros thinks he’s smart because his troops repeat his words all the time, stunned.

The Autobot Targetmasters return to where they started and find some footprints. Real obvious ones. You don’t need to be Encyclopedia Brown or the Scooby Gang to figure this out. They follow the footprints into a big cave.

I thought Transformers came in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

I thought Transformers came in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

Highbrow announces he’s just invented an energy tracker and that he can find the Decepticons with it. You see, the Decepticons have to stay on Planet Master to get the special “g-metal” that is used to make the weapon. Anyway, Highbrow has the super-convenient find-badguy telephone and heads out with the other Headmasters.

It also has somewhat decent cell phone coverage.

It also has somewhat decent cell phone coverage.

Weirdwolf was still annoyed that no one thinks he’s awesome so he flew back and places a pair of time bombs on Fortress. Yup. More timebombs. These things have blown up planets before, so I guess this is a big deal? Maybe?

This show must've invested heavily in the time bomb industry.

This show must’ve invested heavily in the time bomb industry.

Daniel and Wheelie show up and wander outside on Fortress to appreciate the sunset. This episode is sapping my will to live.

What a treat. Our fav characters watch a sunset!

What a treat. Our fav characters watch a sunset!

Weirdwolf is making really obvious banging sounds and he attracts their attention. He’s trying to distract them from finding the bombs I think. Wheelie is too terrified to do anything but Daniel whips out a gun and gets into a firefight with Weirdwolf. If Wheelie can’t even help Daniel fight a Decepticon, he is less than useless.

30Headmasters25

Meanwhile, the Headmasters walk around looking for an energy signal and they literally stumble onto the Decepticon cave which gives out beneath them.

Another whoopsie.

Another whoopsie.

The Targetmasters are also down there somewhere but can’t approach Scorponok without being seen by the various Decepticons on guard duty. Point Blank’s gun offers to sneak in and do the work.

Point Blank should wear a hat like the Skipper.

Point Blank should wear a hat like the Skipper.

The Headmasters also come upon Scorponok and have the less-clever plan to simply try to blow him up.

Hey. Why not?

Hey. Why not?

However, Hardhead is instantly blasted by the Decepticon Targetmasters who spot the Autobot group. I’m glad not EVERYTHING is easy for these guys.

Playing with those Spencer's Gifts lightning orbs.

Playing with those Spencer’s Gifts lightning orbs.

This leads to a big firefight between all the Autobots and Decepticons. Zarak comes out of Scorponok to complain about the noise like a grumpy old man.

Cranky old man.

Cranky old man.

But then the Targetmasters’ gun men come back and they shoot the shit out of the Decepticons and retreat back to Fortress.

GUNS!

GUNS!

Just as the Autobots are all about to fly back to Fortress, the time bombs actually go off!

Not treated as a big deal.

Not treated as a big deal.

But they don’t really do much other than make him lean a bit in midair. Scorponok flies to attack but the Headmasters pull a new move out of their ass that they call the Master Shot. They basically just shoot Scorponok once and he kind of gives up.

Another new Headmaster power.

Another new Headmaster power.

But that’s okay because the Decepticons were just stalling while their new weapon, a massive shield for Scorponok, got built. So I guess they win.

Another Decepticon win!

Another Decepticon win!

I think the main problem with this episode is that it had too much plot for how short it actually is. That left no room for any character development, interesting fight scenes, or clever detective work. Every character guessed at what to do and guessed correctly. It was a massive series of coincidences rushing past to basically tell us that the Decepticons now have a shield that can match the Master Sword.

Let’s hope next episode is better. It probably can’t be worse.