Transformers: Headmasters Episode 28 Recap – “Miraculous Warriors, Targetmasters” (Part 2)

Chris Piers   May 9, 2013   Comments Off on Transformers: Headmasters Episode 28 Recap – “Miraculous Warriors, Targetmasters” (Part 2)

Last episode ended with the Transformers in space and the Autobots were trying to dispose of a massive bomb. While the three new Autobot warriors fought the three new Decepticons, who all happened to have gun-related names but no guns, some refugee Transformers from planet Master met the Autobots and flew the bomb deeper into space. It went off and that’s where this week picks up. It’s “Miraculous Warriors, Targetmasters” part 2 and the new characters are bathed in light from the massive explosion.

Dramatic lighting means dramatic consequences!

Dramatic lighting means dramatic consequences!

What about the little Transformers on the space shuttle? Read on to find out.

The Autobot Headmasters find the new Autobots unconscious and the Decepticons have fled. But the Autobots have massive guns fused to their arms. I bet they’ll be psyched when they wake up since now their names will make sense!

The gun IS his wrist.

The gun IS his wrist.

The first thing the Autobots want to know, though, is if Daniel and Wheelie are ok. Really? Well, they’re fine. So is Cerebros, your leader, thanks so much for asking.

Wheelie and Daniel are okay. But I also have good news.

Wheelie and Daniel are okay. But I also have good news.

Cerebros pilots Fortress back to Earth for repairs and the Targetmasters hit the gym. Running and leg lifts. If we develop robots in my life time I won’t be THAT surprised. If they have to go to the gym, I will be.

I earned 2,000 Nike Fuel points today!

I earned 2,000 Nike Fuel points today!

The little guns on their arms talk to the Targetmasters in R2-D2 jumbly language. Pointblank says they now understand them. Not by bothering to learn their language. It’s telepathy. It is still not explained why these new guys from planet Master speak a different language from the Headmasters who came from the same place.

It's a telepathic thing. You wouldn't understand.

It’s a telepathic thing. You wouldn’t understand.

Meanwhile, Daniel begs his father to be allowed to travel with the Autobots to planet Master. Spike isn’t too sure and Carly can’t have an opinion because she has a vagina.

Carly gave up on life a long time ago.

Carly gave up on life a long time ago.

Daniel says that he’ll gain experience from it. That’s his exact word. Experience. Spike instantly is convinced and tells Carly that you need experience. The fact that there are different kinds of experience does not factor into the equation. Spike grew up on an oil refinery as a teenager until he met transforming robots and lived the rest of his life fighting their war. So maybe he’s not the best judge here.

Plus, I'd like to get rid of him.

Plus, I’d like to get rid of him.

Carly expresses doubt over the wisdom of sending their only child into a warzone but Spike chides his wife by reminding her that it would be part of his upbringing, completely ignoring the fact that any decision they make is part of Daniel’s upbringing. Carly cries her inside tears.

That excuse could work for ANYTHING.

That excuse could work for ANYTHING.

Meanwhile, Zarak introduces Sixshot to the three new Decepticons who also got fused with refugees from planet Master and got gun arms. And even though all six Transformers from Master were trying to escape the Decepticons, I guess these three changed their mind. It’s an interesting question of free will, isn’t it? Don’t worry, no one addresses it.

New Decepticons. Personality sold separately.

New Decepticons. Personality sold separately.

The Autobots head back into space, flying Fortress to planet Master. Daniel and Wheelie keep spit-polishing the Targetmasters’ egos. Pointblank says they’re professional warriors while watching his men arm wrestle.

Professional soldiers arm wrestle.

Professional soldiers arm wrestle.

Daniel and Wheelie take it at face value and let Pointblank know they think he’s cool. Everyone conveniently forgets that last episode, Wheelie told everyone these were friends of his even though they weren’t.

Yup, we're professionals. We get PAID to do this.

Yup, we’re professionals. We get PAID to do this.

When the Headmasters enter the – I dunno, rec room? – Pointblank insults his new comrades by telling them they aren’t professional like he is. Because professionals insult their teammates and work for free.

You're amateurs. And that's why you'll never wear the WWE title.

You’re amateurs. And that’s why you’ll never wear the WWE title.

Not to be outdone, Hardhead escalates the battle of words by turning it into a bizarre race issue.

What do you mean, "your kind"?

What do you mean, “your kind”?

Meanwhile, in more comfortable news, the Decepticons are murdering the defensive forces of planet Master.

Bat battle, everyone. And they're all blind!

Bat battle, everyone. And they’re all blind!

Fortunately, the Autobots show up. The Decepticons are ready though, and show them a painting of themselves ready to attack.

Every shot should look like this.

Every shot should look like this.

The Headmasters on both sides are kicking and shooting each other like crazy. Hardhead drives right over Skullcruncher who gets flattened like a pancake in the desert. This is what I love about Headmasters: the crazy tonal shifts. One minute the Decepticons are basically massacreing some innocents, the next they’re getting fun over like it’s a funny Saturday morning cartoon.

Too late.

Too late.

The best is when the Targetmasters turn into sports cars and start knocking the Horrorcons around like they were bowling pins. Pointblank manages this sweet manuever where he uses his rubber tires to grind down Snapdragon’s face:

Grind me a pound!

Grind me a pound!

Then he hops on top of both Horrorcons and grinds them up some more.

Classic Pointblank.

Classic Pointblank.

The Decepticons retreat into Scorponok who digs himself underground. Then the residents of planet Master greet the Autobots. Say hi to them, you’ll not be seeing them again:

You'll never see us again! Hi!

You’ll never see us again! Hi!

One of the robots on planet Master was driving a tank that the Decepticons blew up. He is brought to the sick bay to recover and Chromedome proudly tells everyone that this is his old friend, Jack. Yup. Everyone else is called stuff like Hardhead or Skullcruncher and this is Jack the Transformer.

I've never met this man before.

I’ve never met this man before.

Jack is kind of depressed and just wanders away. Wheelie does the best thing he’s ever done and points out the awkwardness.

Say "asshole."

Say “asshole.”

Chromedome ejects his head so that he’s Jack-size and tries to talk to his old friend. It’s revealed that Jack tried to audition to be a Headmaster, too, but wasn’t strong enough to pass the initial tests. What were those tests? We see one. All of the Headmasters hung on to the outside of a giant spinning wheel. Jack couldn’t hold on so he flunked out.

Being tied to a wheel would frustrate anyone.

Being tied to a wheel would frustrate anyone.

But Chromedome tells him that he shouldn’t feel bad and that he doesn’t consider himself better than his old friend. In fact, Chromedome admires his intellect and the fact that he stayed behind on Master and built a great civilization.

I'm just better at everything.

I’m just better at everything.

Of course, he also threatens physical violence if Jack ever engages in more self-pity.

After the war, Chromedome became a motivational speaker. A bad one.

After the war, Chromedome became a motivational speaker. A bad one.

They embrace. It’s a pretty nice moment.

I can't stay mad at you.

I can’t stay mad at you.

Chromedome says he has work to do and takes off. But Sixshot has used his ninja powers to look like Chromedome and he shows up the MOMENT the real Chromedome walks away. Jack is confused for half a second before getting punched in the gut and passing right out. Sixshot grabs him and flies away but Pointblank, who was napping on the ground with his new gun friend, sees this go down.

Nothing to see here, just flying through the sky with an unconscious victim.

Nothing to see here, just flying through the sky with an unconscious victim.

Back in Scorponok, Sixshot whips the living hell out of Jack demanding to know the secrets of Fortress Maximus’ weakness.

The Kunta Kinte of Headmasters.

The Kunta Kinte of Headmasters.

Since torture doesn’t work within a few minutes, they try their backup plan: using Mindwipe’s powerful hypnosis which instantly puts Jack under his spell. Jack reveals everything he knows, which is of course, almost nothing since he only hung out with the Autobots for about 15 minutes before he was kidnapped.

Mrs. Lippy likes chocolate milk.

Mrs. Lippy likes chocolate milk.

Pointblank tells all of the Autobots what happened. The Autobots speculate on why the Decepticons would do that and one of them instantly correctly guesses that it’s to find out Fortress Maximus’ weak spots. But the Headmasters don’t believe their leader could have ANY weaknesses and dispute that guess.

Keep drinking that Kool-Aid, guys.

Keep drinking that Kool-Aid, guys.

The Decepticons admit they aren’t going to get any useful information out of Jack. Weirdwolf tries to make Sixshot feel better.

Words to live by.

Words to live by.

Sixshot has another idea though. Why not put a bomb in Jack and blow up Fortress Maximus from the inside? Zarak gives this one the thumbs up. The bomb is planted in Jack while he’s under hypnosis so that he isn’t aware.

Or you could put the genius scientist to work for you. Either's good.

Or you could put the genius scientist to work for you. Either’s good.

Jack is then spotted approaching the Autobots but Pointblank stops them from running up to him and has Twincast scan him. Twincast confirms that Jack has a bomb inside him.

New plan: run away!

New plan: run away!

Pointblank aims his gun to blow Jack away! But Brainstorm explains that they don’t shoot Chromedome’s friends.

We don't kill Chromedome's friends! Only Highbrow's!

We don’t kill Chromedome’s friends! Only Highbrow’s!

Chromedome shouts at Jack to stop approaching Fortress but he doesn’t. He says that he will shoot Jack because I guess it’s better for a friend to do it than an ally. But he’s plagued by a flashback to hanging out with his friends Abel and Jack. Jack and Abel were boxing and Chromedome cheered them both on until they fell out of the ring on top of him. Maybe this is just Chromedome’s fantasy.

Misty water colored memories...

Misty water colored memories…

And a good memory is all it takes. Chromedome blows a hole in Jack’s chest, killing him. As he lays dying, he warns Chromedome that the Decepticons know how the Master Sword is made out of metal. Then he blows up.

On the plus side, great aim!

On the plus side, great aim!

Daniel and Wheelie cling to Arcee as they cry. But it looks more like Daniel is in a Transformer love sandwich that he’d rather not be a part of.

Do not want!

Do not want!

Chromedome is really upset that he just murdered his friend and also remembers how Sixshot murdered his other friend, Abel.  Fortunately, he does not remember how he has to spend so much time with Wheelie.

I wish my memories glowed.

I wish my memories glowed.

Sixshot decides to use this moment of confusion as the best time to press the attack. With the new Decepticon Targetmasters, everything goes gun crazy. It’s just blasting and crashing at super-speed.

We have no lines but we do have guns.

We have no lines but we do have guns.

Chromedome is especially upset and drives around like a maniac shooting Sixshot to complete hell. He blows off Sixshot’s arms and Sixshot isn’t in pain so much as totally shocked that he’s on the losing side for once.

Now he's Fourshot.

Now he’s Fourshot.

The Decepticons retreat and Pointblank has to hold Chromedome back from following them. But honestly? Chromedome was on a streak. I say let him go!

Chromedome needs Lexapro.

Chromedome needs Lexapro.

But in case you were worried that there’d be any sadness for more than a minute, Pointblank compliments Chromedome on his prowess in battle and Chromedome instantly feels pretty great. Wheelie and Daniel provoke him into a game of tag.

I guess Chromedome's doing fine.

I guess Chromedome’s doing fine.

And so I guess everything’s sort of okay. Although the Decepticons are still out there and I guess ready to attack planet Master.