Transformers: Headmasters Episode 23 Recap – “Mystery of the Space Pirate Ship”

Chris Piers   April 23, 2013   Comments Off on Transformers: Headmasters Episode 23 Recap – “Mystery of the Space Pirate Ship”

You’ve made it to episode 23, titled “Mystery of the Space Pirate Ship” but if you’re expecting an actual mystery, just don’t. In fact, this episode has the most anticlimactic end of any episode this season. You’ll see.

It begins with new characters, the Autobot and Decepticon clones. These are robots that look the same but turn into different alternate modes. Each side has one half of a skull medallion. They meet up and instantly fight over it. When did they set this up?

Calling people a prejorative like "evil" is a poor way to start a meeting.

Calling people a prejorative like “evil” is a poor way to start a meeting.

Read on to learn about the mystery and how the Autobots “solve” it.

Right away, the Decepticons mostly knock the Autobots around. We barely even know these characters and they’re just fighting. Eventually, the Autobots retreat, just as a change of pace.

Bonk bonk bonk.

Bonk bonk bonk.

Galvatron arrives and asks if they’ve found some energy that was hidden by space pirates. When they admit they haven’t yet, he asks why they aren’t chasing the Autobots. Dude. Give them one task at a time!

Make up your mind.

Make up your mind.

Meanwhile, on Fortress, the Autobots are miserable because the Decepticons have been successfully stealing energy from some planets. They say they’ve been to 13 and we’ve only seen about 4 or 5 so we’ve mercifully missed some of that redundancy.

Exactly half? How'd the do that on the odd-numbered planet?

Exactly half? How’d the do that on the odd-numbered planet?

Brainstorm acts like a tough guy, saying he wants to beat the Decepticons up before they go back to Chaar. I don’t know why he assumes they’ll do something like that, and certainly not anytime soon. They’ve never mentioned anything like that. Also? It’s easy to talk tough when they’re not there, isn’t it Brainstorm?

He's like an Internet tough guy.

He’s like an Internet tough guy.

Then the Autobots harass Highbrow, asking if he’s cracked the microfilm code yet.

Maybe instead of sitting around bored, someone could offer to help him.

Maybe instead of sitting around bored, someone could offer to help him.

The Autobots fly Fortress through a spaceship graveyard which is described as the place where all old ships end up. How? Is it some strange gravitational phenomenon or is there some bored old man in a space tug boat hauling all this garbage into one place for shits and giggles?

Who did this?

Who did this?

Daniel orders Highbrow for a closer look at one ship that looks like a pirate ship with a skull on its prow. He then asks Wheelie if that means pirates are real. Wheelie don’t know dick.

Define Daniel's role.

Define Daniel’s role.

So Daniel makes a face at him. Kill it. Kill it with fire.

Screw you, Daniel.

Screw you, Daniel.

Scorponok is approaching a place called The Pirate Planet and Galvatron tells his men that if the two halves of the skull medallion are joined, it will create a map leading them to energy.

How does he KNOW that?

How does he KNOW that?

Down on the Pirate Planet, the Decepticons battle the Autobot clones and take the second half of the skull medallion and it opens up a digital map. The Autobots retreat back to Fortress. Again.

The Autobot clones explain that the energy it leads to is Proton Energy which is as powerful as Plasma Energy. Basically, it’s just a really powerful energy for them. It’s like energy on growth hormones.

Mmmm. Steroid energon.

Mmmm. Steroid energon.

Then, even though everyone there seems to know the story, they ask the clones to tell the (boring) story of how they used to know the Decepticon clones. The story goes: they used to know the Decepticon clones.

Their boring secret history.

Their boring secret history.

They really liked each other. But then the Decepticons went exploring and fell in with Galvatron. The shot of them falling in with him is hilarious. It looks like a painting of them as drinking buddies.

Bromance factor 10!

Bromance factor 10!

And that’s the story. They also each have half of the skull map. The clones plan to take their half down to the Pirate Planet and try to get the other half, but Chromedome insists they take a nap and let the Headmasters handle this one. So yeah, Transformers take naps.

Rest? Robots need rest?

Rest? Robots need rest?

On the Pirate Planet, Galvatron follows the map to some ruins but none of the Decepticons see any sign of energy so he throws the medallion on the ground. The Autobots arrive and chase the Decepticons away. Chromedome picks up the map and says Galvatron was just too stupid to figure it out.

I don't think any of you do, either.

I don’t think any of you do, either.

And yeah, he was. Because at the place where the map takes them, the same area the Decepticons were just in, there is a skull with a medallion shaped hole. When the medallion is placed there, a pyramid rises. It’s definitely not a tough puzzle, at least not yet.

Not too tricky.

Not too tricky.

Highbrow tries to figure out how to open the pyramid’s door but the Decepticons went, like, 50 yards away and huddled behind some of the ruins. Galvatron blasts at the door, which doesn’t break but does knock out Highbrow. The Decepticons all gather by the door to figure out how to open it. In the background, Twincast drags Highbrow away. Kinda slowly. No one notices. But hey, the Autobots didn’t notice the Decepticons either. Neither side is all that observant.

I just like seeing Twincast struggle to drag his friend offscreen.

I just like seeing Twincast struggle to drag his friend offscreen.

Back on Fortress, Highbrow recovers right away and realizes that the skull on the space pirate ship they saw was broadcasting a similar signal to the one in the desert on the planet below. A clue!

Durrrr.

Durrrr.

The Trainbots, Highbrow, and Daniel go to the pirate ship and take the skull off of the prow. But Soundblaster has been spying on them and threatens them with an unusually graphic bit of violence.

Whoa! Soundblaster means business.

Whoa! Soundblaster means business.

The Trainbots dare not make a move but Highbrow and Daniel are hidden on the other side of the ship. For some reason Highbrow doesn’t have a gun. He tells the child to shoot Soundblaster. This would never happen on the U.S. show so it surprised me and made me laugh.

Great advice for kids.

Great advice for kids.

Daniel does in fact shoot Soundblaster and the Autobots recover the skull. They head back to the planet where even Scorponok can’t dent the door to the pyramid. Whatever the pyramid is made of, that has to be more valuable than the energy inside. If they could armor up a Transformer with that, he’d be unbeatable. When the Autobots show up, Galvatron engages them in a battle.

If I had a nickel for every time Galvatron said damn, I could build him out of nickel.

If I had a nickel for every time Galvatron said damn, I could build him out of nickel.

Highbrow uses the battle as a distraction and finds an alien body. He goes full Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull and puts the skull on the alien’s shoulders. It obviously opens the door.

I put the crystal skull here for ultimate power?

I put the crystal skull here for ultimate power?

In the battle outside, the Headmasters do a few special moves. They fire their weapons at the same point which creates a firestorm. Then they swap heads with each other and power up. This allows Cerebros to get in his zen spot and transform into Fortress Maximus.

Whee, special moves!

Whee, special moves!

Maximus slashes Scorponok’s belly wide open. But Scorponok seems more surprised than hurt.

You got hit, dumb dumb.

You got hit, dumb dumb.

It’s no finishing move but Galvatron sees that the tables have turned and opts to retreat.

Is this line intentional?

Is this line intentional?

The Autobots can now get that super-powerful proton energy, right? Wrong. Highbrow tells them that it doesn’t exist. It just doesn’t exist. All those steps to find it and there was nothing there. What a slap in the face.

Doesn't EXIST? Oh, go to hell.

Doesn’t EXIST? Oh, go to hell.

In order to attempt a happy ending, Daniel and Wheelie tell the Autobot clones (who, remember, lost two battles this episode) not to be sad about losing the Decepticon clones as friends because now they will all be pals. Offscreen, the clones probably commit suicide.

With terrible friends like this, who needs to go on living?

With terrible friends like this, who needs to go on living?

That’s the end of the alien planet/gathering energy saga. I wish I could tell you what happens next week but even the title gives it away. It’s big.