Top 10 Reasons Why Starship Troopers Rules

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This article was originally published on Great White Snark, but since that site has been on hiatus for almost a decade, I decided to repost here. Instead of giving you some old re-hash though, I added more to it and changed the tone to reflect this site more. Enjoy!

10. White People Come Out On Top

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In the Future all Hispanics will look like white people. Rico and his friends are all from Beunos Aries. Do any of them really look Hispanic to you? Nope! That’s because in the future all Hispanic people are replaced with white people.

Just kidding, I wouldn’t find something like this awesome, because I’m not racist. Or am I? Bum bum buuuummmmm

9. Starship Troopers Toys

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Only in the last couple of years I’ve realized how the Starship Troopers toys produced by Galoob in the late 1990s were great. The bugs they made are really fantastic looking. The people? Eh not so much. Still, the bugs make up for the lack of greatness in the human toys.

And even if you don’t enjoy fine craftsmanship in toys, you just have to love the fact that they made toys for kids based on such an inappropriate hard R rated film.

*picture comes from here

8. Casper Van Dien

So dreamy!

So dreamy!

You can literally watch the hopes and dreams Casper Van Dien had of having a successful film career explode and die right in front of your eyes. It’s schadenfreude.

Seriously though, Van Dien was the only choice for the lead of this movie. He’s a nice guy in real life too, at least he comes across that way on Twitter. He still acts, but he’s not as in the spotlight as he is in his Starship Troopers days. If you’re going to have one shot at a huge Hollywood blockbuster, what a way to go out. Most actors never appear in anything worthwhile and are completely forgotten. Not Van Dien. He’s still admired by legions of Starship Troopers fans.

7. Extreme-to-the-Max Sports

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The XFL could have turned into this.

I hate sports. I blame my hatred of sports on spending my formative years under the oppressive rule of jocks, and in case you weren’t aware, jocks are really into sports. But if they somehow made up a sport where people would routinely do a 360 spin jump to score a touchdown, I’d be all over it. And if the thirty-year-old high schoolers in Starship Troopers can play extreme-to-the-max football at this level, just imagine how good the pros must be!

Then again, I’d probably hate jocks more if they could pull of these extreme to the max maneuvers in real life.

6. It’s Not Like the Book

Books. Who needs em?

Books. Who needs em?

Who wants a sci-fi movie filled with “ideas” when they can have hyper-extreme football and lines like, “They sucked his brains out!” Yeah, you miss the big robot suits and any kind of real message, but you also don’t have an hour’s worth of debate over the merits of capital punishment. You gotta take the good with the bad, people!

5. Denise Richards Before She Was An Idiot

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I used to have a huge crush on Denise Richards, and it seems like there were a lot of other guys who thought she was the cat’s pajamas back in the day. Then a funny thing happened: everyone realized she’s a complete moron in real life. Starship Troopers is a nostalgic trip back to that simpler time, a time when it was okay to think Denise Richards was hawt and people called root beer “sarsaparilla.”

4. Giant Alien Bugs

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I can’t think of any sci-fi film that isn’t at least a little bit cool when it’s got giant bugs in it. The very nature of giant insects makes any story, no matter what it is, at least a little cool in some way.

Just think about it. Was Slumdog Millionaire really that good? Or was it the giant scorpion that attacked India what really made that film? Think about it.

And this movie doesn’t just have one cool type of bug, there’s a bunch! You have the rad ass Warrior Bugs, the tank bugs that shoot fire, the plasma bugs that shoot giant blasts of plasma out of their bugs, and even bugs that eat brains!

3. Doogie Howser

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Before Neil Patrick Harris metamorphosed into the beloved N.P.H., he was in Starship Troopers being not Doogie Howser. It’s hard to remember now, but there was a time when people hadn’t yet realized that Neil Patrick Harris was not in fact a child doctor in real life. He was essentially a joke at that point in his career. Starship Troopers helped break the stereotype hanging around Harris’s neck like an anchor. Just think of what the movie could have done for Jaleel White!

2. Boobs!!!!

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Sure, you can see boobs anywhere, especially these days with the aid of the internet. I’ll even show you mine if you ask nicely! But what was great about the boobs in Starship Troopers is that they show up so randomly. One minute the characters and elbows deep in alien guts and then the next moment there’s a group shower scene. This is exactly how my brain worked at the age of fourteen and I’m sad to admit it’s the way it works now.

1. Starship Troopers Works for Its ‘R’

That can't feel good.

That can’t feel good.

There certainly aren’t enough R-rated movies these days and there truly aren’t enough hard-R-rated sci-fi films. Starship Troopers has all the violence you want and need in your life and then some, much like Starship Trooper’s director Verhoeven’s other works of art Total Recall and Robocop. Oh no, I don’t call them films. I call them art.

  • Lamar the Revenger

    Brilliant. Love it. Agree about Richards. She was hot & went completely nuts. I think Sheen crazy (&other things) rubbed off on her.

  • Jon

    Starship Troopers was a revelation when I saw it in the theater opening weekend back in 1997. That crazy Paul Verhoven took the squib count in Robocop and multiplied it by 50,000. Between the superfluous decapitations, dismemberments and totally random co-ed shower scene … it is nearly perfect in every way.

  • Splitty

    I love this movie with all my guts.

  • I love that comment with all my guts.