A Review of Lisa: Warning, This Religious Tract is Brain Exploding Disturbing

A Mister Chris P., a talented artist/podcaster/man about town, recently sent me the idea for reviewing the next tract to review. It’s called “Lisa” and if you had a problem with the other tracts I’ve reviewed, you’re really going to lose your shit this time. What’s really interesting is that this one is no longer available, because it’s that terrible. It’s hard to imagine that such a thing is possible, but it’s true. The publisher of the tract would rather imagine that it never existed and that’s too bad. As many people need to see this as possible. In fact, a copy of the tract has this on it:

request

So while this post is actually a review, I would like to believe that I’m also fulfilling the original request. You’re welcome!

lisa-panel-1Me thinks this marriage has some problems.

lisa-panel-2Problem number one: Mom leaves leftovers instead of doing her job and making dinner! What kind of crazy circus household is this?

lisa-panel-3Huh, Free VCR rental. Remember when you could rent a VCR? Me neither. I bet he’s going to get something wholesome with his free VCR rental. lisa-panel-4

I think the real lesson here is that we are so unbelievable lucky to be living today. We can be unemployed and not have to spend a dime on porn thanks to the internet

The second panel there just illustrates why you should never be friendly with your neighbors. The jackasses will come in when you’re trying to beat off.

lisa-panel-5

Who the fuck sits down and watches porn with your male neighbor? What a disgusting scumbag. And yeah, the daughter sharing thing is pretty gross too.

lisa-panel-6Oh boy. Lesson learned, don’t sexually abuse your daughter with your pig neighbor before he gets checked for STDs.

lisa-panel-7Hot damn, is that first panel dynamic. You’d think this was a Spider-Man comic or something.

This Doctor is a real class act. He catches a pervert messing with his kid and what does he do? Call the cops to have him arrested? Nope, he tries to save the greaseball’s soul. I’m guessing that Dr. McJesuslover failed ethics class. lisa-panel-8

lisa-panel-9That first line by Dr. McJesuslover is hilarious. What’s great about these religious tracts is that the characters always know for certain when someone is going to either heaven or hell. There’s no room for error here, they know who and who will not be saved.

In the second panel I’d argue that someone who molests their child is basically not good. Perhaps if he occasionally bet on the horses he could get away with saying that, but not when you’re destroying your daughter’s life.

lisa-panel-10That child molester is a card! har har

lisa-panel-11

And here Dr. McJesuslover tells us exactly what Hell is like. And I’m guessing that Jesus spoke less about Hell than the author of this religious tract. I’m just saying.

lisa-panel-12

Let me translate what the Doctor says here, “God did something very special for you, Henry. He made a way for your to rape your daughter and reap the rewards of eternal life.”lisa-panel-13

When you see the core beliefs of Christianity in a tract like this, it’s jarring. It’s so much less crazy than all the other shit that it almost seems like it’s in the wrong comic.

lisa-panel-14Love the implication that pornography is the cause of his problems. Not the fact that he’s a worthless fuck.

lisa-panel-15

lisa-panel-17 Shit balls! All you have to do to feel 100% about molesting a kid and to become a better person is to convert to Christianity. And it only takes seconds!

I’m so happy for this guy. This comic gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling, like everything is going to be okay!

lisa-panel-18See, all of his guilt is gone! Why should he feel the least bit bad about what he has done when he has been saved? Everything is coming up roses for this guy!

When you read the line, “You got a job?” in the most sarcastic and caustic way possible, it’s hilarious.

lisa-panel-19Women. There’s no pleasing them. It’s always got to be, “What about my problems?” “Why can’t you take out the garbage?” “Why do you keep molesting our child?”

lisa-panel-20Double whammy, the wife was molested as a kid and she did nothing to stop her husband from doing the same thing to her daughter. I’m also thinking that the whole “taking my frustration out on Lisa” is alluding to her beating the kid. This tract is just full of total ass hats.

lisa-panel-21Yes, let’s let Jesus sort out this mess. Not therapists or other trained professionals.

Now, before you go to the next panel and see how our story concludes I want you to take a moment. Think about how you think this story will end. You’ve got a child rapist that has found God and it appears he wants to do what is right. There’s a doctor that knows about the problem and a wife that now talks about it openly too.

Now that you have some idea of what you think will happen, let’s move on….

lisa-panel-22

Kablam! There it is, our morality tale is over. Child raping A-hole and his kid beating wife are happy together and they are going to raise their kid like they should have all along. How awesome. Forget that Lisa is completely messed up, the dad should totally be in jail for many, many years, and that child molesters just don’t quit being molesters overnight and… you get the most fucked up religious tract ever.

Now you can see why this is one of the forgotten tracts. The message is totally screwed up here. As far as religion goes, yeah it would be great if this guy converted, repented, and saw the error of his ways, but we’re missing the most important part, the part where he goes to jail and is either shanked or raped by large skinheads for the rest of his life. There’s no justice. What a twisted ass message.

Small Print: This tract is copyright is owned solely by Jack Chick Publications. Please visit their website and buy lots of their tracts, if you enjoy them. They appear on this site for review purposes only.
  • http://www.televisionzombies.com Chris

    Sir, that was poetry. Now to go buy some Chick Tracts!

  • J Richter

    Ah yes, this one is quite familiar. You need to check out the song “Lisa’s Father (Waka Baby)” by Alice Donut. It was inspired by this piece of historic propaganda. Brilliant song!

  • Emma

    Shit….LOST!! That is the worst one ever!

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