Things I Need to See in the New Star Wars Films

George Lucas puts on his brightest smile.

When Disney bought Star Wars (man that’s a weird concept to me still), I had two thoughts: 1. It’s sad that the most successful creator owned franchise of all time is no longer creator owned. 2. Hope and excitement. Unrelenting hope and excitement that I haven’t felt since before the release of Star Wars Episode 1: The Big Disappointment.

Star Wars traditionally worked best after the first film when George is the guiding hand, but has others do most of the grunt work. Take a look at Empire Strikes Back for an example, or more recently the Clone Wars cartoons (both the CGI and 2D animated ones), so the idea that putting someone else in the saddle while Lucas kicks back is a very exciting one, especially since the deal had him giving Disney story treatments for future films.

And as far as Disney potentially screwing things up, they’ve had a good track record, especially with Marvel Studios, not to mention Pixar (which is funny because Lucas started Pixar…). I don’t see them messing up Star Wars like Paramount completely fucked over Star Trek before reviving it in ’09… albeit it’s certainly no where near it’s Next Generation popularity height in the 90s.

I thought I’d take the time and help the future producers of the next Star Wars films out with things I would really like to see, since I am a Star Wars expert. Self proclaimed, but I am a master at the field.

  1. A Giant Land Battle
  2. The best Star Wars movie, Empire, features a sweet arse land battle. Jedi has one that’s smaller scale, but still really awesometown. The prequels feature some land battles that I love, but they’re really short and not nearly as epic. The showdown on Kashyyykk (the Wookie homeworld) in Revenge of the Sith promised to be amazing, but really was just a few shots of explosions. A waste really.

  3. A Big Space Battle
  4. This one is obvious. Star Wars = space battles. I loved the opening of Revenge of the Sith, but then it turned into cartoon-like droids fighting R2-D2. More space battle, less comedy, thank you.

    I’ve heard that there was supposed to be a space battle in Attack of the Clones, but they cut it for time. You mean they couldn’t cut out any of that stilted and unbelievable dialog between Padme and Aniken? Yeah, that was pure gold. Space Battle > Terrible Love Story. Take note, Hollywood producers.

  5. Jedis and Lightsabers
  6. How about some lightsabers and Jedis? But how about we don’t fill the screen with dozens of Jedi and evil bad guys whacking away at each other? Let’s go back to a smaller scale epic duel… at least for the first film. Remember when Luke was hiding from Vader as the Dark Lord taunted him in Return of the Jedi? Such tension! That confrontation makes any lightsaber battle from the prequels look childish in comparison.

    And Let’s not get crazy with a special lightsaber, either. A double bladed lightsaber is enough. We don’t need a triple bladed lightsber, lightsaber nunchucks, or a gun that shoots lightsabers, thank you very much.

    And on that note, the Jedi don’t have to be flipping around like maniacs using crazy powers. Let’s keep it a lot more simple and intense. Here’s an idea: Maybe the new Star Wars films take place in a time when Force use is in decline for whatever reason. That would let us get back to the basics.

  7. A Skywalker
  8. While we’re at it, I’m not particularly thrilled with the possibility of other actors taking on the roles of Han, Luke, and Leia. Why don’t we set it far enough in the future that things look familiar, but we don’t have those characters running around the screen. Their story is done and all that dumb expanded universe bullshit fills the hole left for any desire for more adventures. However, I think there should be a Skywalker involved. A grandson or grand daughter? Hell, let’s go with Luke’s great grand daughter.

  9. Bounty Hunters
  10. Remember Luke’s great grand daughter? How about her being chased by some crazy bounty hunters? Get that lizard one and the insect looking guy and you’re all set. Maybe you can have a Fett… but have him ON THE GOOD GUY SIDE!

  11. Storm Troopers
  12. All right, so my plan for the movie taking place in the future might not allow for Storm Troopers exactly, but bad guys in black and white armor. Enough with those stupid robots that act like the Three Stooges. I want to see some arms flying off and guys doing the Wilhelm Scream as they plummet to their doom.

  • Lamar The Revenger

    I’d like to add one more to that list: Alien species: MUST be technologically adapted. No more Ewoks flumbling around with a speeder bike. It was cute once.

  • Some great ideas in there, but the best one is lightsaber nunchucks. I would love to see some well done lightsaber nunchucks.

    Here’s an idea, since the new TMNT are supposed to be aliens… Disney should buy them and make them a race of Space Ninjas, Force Wielding Space Ninjas… with lightsaber nunchucks.

  • Wallace

    The plural of Jedi is Jedi… not Jedis. Come on!

  • I did that on purpose. Like when I call Masters of the Universe figures “He-Mans”