The Worst Star Wars Action Figures

joh yowza sings

I love Star Wars. I even went through a collecting phase in the late 90s that culminated with me waiting in line at a Toys R Us midnight release of The Phantom Menace action figures. But that was about 15 years ago and I lost track of the line. Hundreds of figures later and we’re now seeing merchandise for The Force Awakens. When all the news about Force Friday’s toy release came out, I decided to look at all the figures that have come out. I was curious – was it just hundreds of Lukes and Chewies and Vaders? Key characters from the Expanded Universe novels and games and comics? I learned that yeah, there’s plenty of that. And then there’s pretty much every character who ever appeared in the films, no matter how brief and unimportant. Several of these figures were so boring and unimportant I was stunned. I decided to put together a list of the worst Star Wars figures, chronological by release, skipping the figures from the Ewoks and Droids and Star Tours lines because those were all kinda terrible.

Gonk

gonk droid

 

I get that the Gonk Droid is iconic but he’s also pretty dull. He’s a box with silly legs. This should have come packaged with a playset or another figure because on its own, it is dull.

FX-7

fx-7 medical droid

 

I didn’t have many Star Wars figures when I was a little kid. I had about 7 or 8. For some reason this was one of the ones I had. It was SO boring. I pretended he was an assassin droid instead of a medical droid and even then I’d have the good guys kick him over right away. He just sits there like a statue.

Imperial Dignitary

imperial dignitary

 

What a boring figure. One trend you’ll see in this list? Politicians are not fun action figures. This guy didn’t have any lines or anything. You could just see him in the deep background of Return of the Jedi. He was some sort of evil politician.

ASP-7

asp-7 droid

 

This droid showed up in the special edition of Star Wars: A New Hope. I guess he just carries things. Not a lot of fun scenarios you can invent with that.

 

Princess Leia (Power of the Force edition)

princess leia monkey face

 

This is the only figure I’ll put on here for having a bad sculpt. All of the first wave of new figures in the 90s were sculpted to be uber-muscular almost like He-Man. But poor Princess Leia got a bad face sculpt to go with it. Fans instantly started calling it Monkey Face Leia.

Palpatine sitting

palpatine sitting

 

This version of Emperor Palpatine could ONLY sit. Now, if you made a Palpatine who had articulation so that he could sit or stand, great. But sitting only? That’s not an action figure. It’s a statue.

Joh Yowza

joh yowza

 

Ugh, screw this guy. He appeared in the special edition of Return of the Jedi. He was terrible CG and replaced the fun song the Max Rebo band played with some annoying pop number. He looks like a bad cartoon and brings back unpleasant memories. The three-pack of Jabba’s dancers that also were added in the special edition – Greeata, Lyn Me, and Rystall – get an honorable mention. The dancer that falls into the Rancor trap? Okay. Three more? Overkill.

Darktrooper

darktrooper

 

This guy was part of the Dark Forces video game. But the figure looks so cartoonish that it doesn’t really feel like Star Wars.

Spacetrooper

spacetrooper

 

Similar story with the Spacetrooper. Okay as an idea, but the execution looks like something a fan whipped up with parts from other toys.

Anakin Skywalker

anakin skywalker old man

 

Star Wars made action figures of the Jedi that died and came back as ghosts. Yoda and Obi-Wan were both represented as such with a clear blue version. They also made that for Anakin but then ALSO made one where he’s not a ghost. But that character never existed, really. He was Darth Vader, not an old man in Jedi robes. I guess this becomes a Sebastian Shaw action figure.

Aunt Beru with Treadwell Droid

aunt beru

 

Two shitty figures for the price of one is still not a good deal. The Treadwell Droid had a single point of articulation. Boring. And what are you supposed to do with old Aunt Beru? Have her nag Luke to do chores? She never really went on any adventures. A burnt skeleton would be a more interesting version of this character.

Wuher

wuher

 

I can almost understand having the Cantina bartender if you’ve bought ALL the other aliens and you want to make a diorama. Almost. But this guy isn’t visually interesting, hung out in the background and his figure has a can permanently attached to one of his hands. He can never not bartend.

Snoova Chewbacca

snoova

 

Here’s how you ruin Chewbacca. Give him an eyepatch and a buzzcut. He’s pretending to be a different Wookie. One that wears some clothes, apparently. Still no pants, though.

Dash Rendar

dash rendar

 

Dash Rendar was part of Shadows of the Empire, a multimedia story that had a book, comics, a video game and action figures (oh, and a soundtrack) to fill in the story between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. The big problem there is that main character Han Solo is frozen in carbonite during that period. Maybe Lando could fill his role? No, they created a Han Solo clone basically, even down to having a similar spaceship. But look at his terrible design. He looks like he’s wearing grandma’s quilt and his older brother’s football shoulder pads. Bad.

Rep Been

rep been

 

You know, all the Gungans are annoying. But Jar Jar is a main character, so it’s understandable he’d get a figure. And an army of Gungan soldiers makes sense, too. Boss Nass is pushing it because he’s just an annoying blowhard. But you know what’s worse? Boss Nass’ second in command who gets no lines and just stands around like an idiot that looks like he has an old sock on his head. A Gungan politician. Blah!

Pit Droid

pit droid

 

Pit Droids worked on pod racers. I guess if it comes with a pod racer set, fine. But they sold these on their own. So silly and uninteresting as a solo figure.

Sio Bibble

sio bibble

 

Another politician. What are you seriously going to do with a pudgy, balding dude with a goofy mustache. So he had a few lines in the movies? That doesn’t justify a figure in my book. I also don’t recall any scenes where he shot a gun but I am willing to admit I could be wrong about that. I don’t really want to rewatch The Phantom Menace to check.

Fode and Beed

fode and beed

 

Ugh! Terrible “comedy” from The Phantom Menace where an alien with two heads was a commentator on the pod races. I hated the design, I hated the CG on this guy, and I hated the silly way they’d argue. If you’re going to stage a pod race with your figures, do you really want a goofball commentator for it? If so, you’re going too far.

Ben Quadinaros

ben quadinaros

 

I gave the alien Ephant Mon a pass, but this is going too far. That pure face for a body is just terrible. He looks like he belongs on that terrible Droids cartoon, but not in the actual Star Wars movies.

Luke Skywalker Bacta Tank

luke skywalker bacta tank

 

Weee, now you can have a main character in his underwear. Oh, and hardly any articulation. Characters like this need much better detail if you’re going to stage a diorama or much more articulation if it’s supposed to be an action figure.

Luke Skywalker Moisture Farmer

luke skywalker moisture farmer

 

This is the only version of Luke that can compete with that Bacta Tank version. He’s supposed to be working on the moisture farm (ignore the lightsaber, that’s a trick) which is pretty much the dullest thing that you could do in the world of Star Wars. Also? His face does not look right at all.

Dexter Jettster

Dexter Jettster

 

This character from Attack of the Clones is just the dirt worst. A greasy, overweight alien with a disgusting mustache. He was a diner cook that somehow knew all sorts of info that Obi-Wan needed about how clones are made and where they come from. If you want to recreate Star Wars diner scenes, you’re doing it wrong.

Ashla and Jempa

ashla and jempa

 

Two little Jedi children that are barely poseable. The only thing they do of significance in the movies is get murdered by Anakin Skywalker. That’s… that’s pretty dark to make figures of these doomed kids.

WA-7

wa-7

 

This is a server droid. Why have pilots or soldiers battle Imperial forces and gangsters when you can spend time setting up a droid serving drinks and pizzas or whatever?

Lt. Dannl Faytonni

dannl faytonni

 

This guy is in the background of a club in Attack of the Clones. No lines but they made a figure of him. He looks so boring and then they also made a second guy like him, Achk Med-Beq. Weird priorities in Star Wars figures.

Janus Greejatus

janus greejatus

 

Well, it’s another politician. Not much to do with him. But they made another version that looks the same to me but had the name Kren Blista Vanee. So you could have two evil politicians discuss taxes or something, if that floats your boat.

Elan Sleazebaggano

Elan Sleazebaggano

 

I might argue this is the worst figure in the Star Wars line. A guy that tried to sell Obi-Wan “death sticks”. Who would ever try a drug that had the word death in it? That’s so on the nose. And then his design is like something out of an Ed Wood movie with silly little antennae popping out of his hair. Just terrible.

Wol Cabasshite

Wol Cabasshite

 

I don’t know what you’re supposed to do with this alien.

Gragra

gragra

 

Remember the scene in The Phantom Menace when Jar Jar tries to steal food? This guy is the one that owned that food. What a terrible scene to want to recreate.

 

Baron Papanoida

Baron Papanoida

 

I don’t remember seeing this guy but he’s yet another evil politician. I think Star Wars has at least as many evil politicians as they do Wookies.

Jocasta Nu

Jocasta Nu

 

A lot of the Jedi on the Jedi council look dumb but at least all together they serve a purpose and look visually interesting. This Jedi was the librarian that was an asshole to Obi-Wan in Attack of the Clones. She did not run around with a lightsaber. If you need a librarian action figure who was portrayed as a jerk in the movie for all of 30 seconds, congratulations. Star Wars has you covered.

Baby Luke and Leia

baby luke leia

 

Yeah, they actually made tiny little baby versions of Luke and Leia. At least they each came with a full action figure.

Yarna D’al Gargan

yarna d'al gargan

 

Just… gross. This was the fat dancer in Jabba the Hutt’s palace. It’s gross.

Willrow Hood

willrow hood

 

This guy is the epitome of obscure Star Wars characters made into action figures and a big part of why I bothered to make this list. This guy runs by in the background of Cloud City in Empire Strikes Back. Fans came to be amused because he’s running with what is clearly an ice cream maker. They made a figure of him. This really proves the goal was to physically create EVERY character that appears in the films, no matter how fleeting their screen time.

Darth Maul and Owen Lars

darth maul and owen lars

 

Kind of a weird two-pack, right? Luke’s old uncle who you could have boss him around on the farm. And Darth Maul who apparently survived getting cut in half and falling down a pit because here he is with robot legs. As far as I know, they never met.

Camie Marstrap and Laze Fixer Loneozner

Camie Marstrap and Laze Fixer Loneozner

 

Oh, do you not know these two? That’s because their scene in A New Hope was cut out before the movie screened. They were two of Luke’s childhood pals. Now you can have them as action figures. Finally.

Wiosela

Wiosela

 

This is the alien who bought Luke’s landspeeder. You only see him for a second. He buys a landspeeder and he gets a figure. That’s pretty damn insane.

Breha Organa

breha organa

 

Finally, this character had about 3 seconds of screen time. The wife of Bail Organa and thus, the adoptive mother of Leia. Make up all sorts of adventures of her feeding your baby Leia action figure.

 

  • Lamar the Revenger

    I agree with this list, even if I’m guilty of owning some of them. Was unaware they did an updated version of Snoova Chewie.

  • Chris Piers

    At a certain point, it seems the line became more about completionism than anything else.

  • Big Jim

    Thanks to Darktrooper I now know what it would look like if the Predator joined the Empire.

    Reading thought this it made me wonder, if every character gets an action figure, there must be a Keira Knightley as Amidala figure, right?

  • Chris Piers

    There were several handmaidens.

  • Pete Pfau

    Haha, Baron Papanoida was George Lucas.
    That Snowtrooper helmet is screaming for a Hulkbuster Iron Man/Star Wars crossover.

  • Skewed_View

    I’m glad they remembered to include the blaster with Breha. To be without such an important accessory would be so out of character for her.

  • Robert Walker

    Wasnt the baron papanoida charcter played by George Lucas in Revenge of the Sith

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