It’s that special time of year that you’ve all waited for! Vincent and Chris highlight the worst Halloween costumes of the year. This year being 2015 in case you forgot. This batch of terrible Halloween costumes came from HalloweenCostumes.com and Costumeish.com. They also have a lot of cool Halloween costumes, so buy some. Or not. We’re not getting paid by them, but we should. *cough* Warning: There’s at least one costume that’s really gross.
Vincent: The lady above certainly is attractive. I’d be hard pressed to figure out what she is supposed to be other than “slightly scary hot lady.”
Chris: A sexy villain is a weird idea, one based on a doll is stranger, but one that hasn’t had a movie (Child’s Play) in several years is absolutely bizarre.
Chris: I mean, it’s cheap, but at least it doesn’t emphasize the boobs like most “sexy” costumes do?
Vincent: 79 bucks is cheap? Or do you mean cheap as in cheap and tawdry? Anyway, this sexy costume is for the more modest chested woman who wants to look incredibly stupid.
Chris: I meant it looks cheap.
Vincent: Back when I was a kid I would have never imagined any woman wanting to walk around looking like Darth Vader and now we are to the point where it’s just another off the rack hideous take on a nerd icon. Love how that chest panel is on the belly, because that would block the boobies.
Chris: If she wore boots instead of heels and put the helmet on, the “sexy” factor almost completely vanishes.
Vincent: Imagine if a woman had this outfit on and took the helmet off and she looked like Anakin from Return of the Jedi. That would be amazing.
Chris: I feel like the costume designers were just taking two ideas out of a bowl of concepts and just got “zombie” and “receptionist” and went with it.
Vincent: “Quick, what are two things that women love?” “Zombies!” “Being receptionists!” “Perfect!”
Note: We were made aware after the release of this post by angry nerds that this costume is from a movie called, “Beatle Juice.” We apologize for our error.
Vincent: I don’t know about this one. I kinda dig it. Does that mean I’m into bestiality? Is this a gateway costume?
Chris: How many of these do they realistically sell a year? Zero?
Vincent: At least one this year after I get my credit card out!
Chris: I almost included a flying monkey from Wizard of Oz but at least that’s a character. This guy is playing pavement. I doubt anyone walks up to him at a party and compliments him on how cool that is.
Vincent: The only urge people would have would be to walk on him. Maybe that’s his fetish.
Vincent: Hey, I’m Optimus Doofus!
Chris: I’d argue a hoodie doesn’t qualify as a costume but apparently the costume stores disagree with me.
Chris: This isn’t a costume that I’ve seen year after year. So why NOW do they have a Fidel Castro costume? He hasn’t appeared in the public eye in, like, a decade.
Vincent: Maybe because relations with Cuba have warmed up a bit? You’d have to really be into current wold politics to think this is the costume for you. It says, “I listen to a lot of NPR.”
Vincent: This costume comes with a convenient flap by the dick area, to make sexually harassing people even easier.
Chris: Not only can you advertise Coke but apparently you can just lie about what it costs because good luck finding a vending machine that charges less than $1.50 these days.
Chris: This is called “Hip Hop Hamsta”. I guess so that they don’t have to pay Kia any license fee. Clever!
Vincent: This seems really racist somehow.
Vincent: Good luck trying to score with some other ladies at the party with this one. “Oh, no we’re not together… see.. uh…”
Chris: It only took costume manufacturers about 20 years to update their plug and electrical socket gag costume.
Chris: Bodysuits or “morphsuits” are HUGE this year. I find them completely terrifying.
Vincent: What am I looking at? My eyes aren’t processing the shapes I’m seeing before me. In fact, I might be going blind.
Vincent: Love the look on the model’s face. It’s so much more funny, because the guy doesn’t get why someone would be offended. Oh man, that’s RICH.
Chris: They also have “the shocker” or just “a foot.” No matter what, if you wear this, you’ll end up drinking alone in a corner.
Vincent: Yeah, you’d think that. But you know some frat dude named Chaz is going to be wearing it and having a super awesome threesome by the end of the night.
Chris: I find this “joke” kind of mean spirited. And I’m not saying the idea of sitting on a small animal can’t work. But this seems like it’s just making fun of a person for being fat? It’s sad. She killed her pet!
Vincent: Yeah, this will win over any lady that is into pets. And I argue that’s the costume isn’t fat enough to make fun of fat people, since she’s the size of the average American. Fail on two accounts!
Chris: This one mistook the idea of “joke” for just “disgusting”. I can’t imagine this getting a laugh at any party I’d want to attend.
Vincent: I don’t like this. It’s horrifying. Also, as we’ve seen before most dude costumes you see either are based on intellectual property, old stand bys, or this kind of bullshit. It’s the Confederate Flag of costumes, it’s a big old sign saying, “You don’t need or want to associate with this person.”
Vincent: Another costume that gives a guy an excuse to sexually harass women. “Hey, can I look at your crotch? It’s okay because I’m a doctor. har har har har.”
Chris: This costume pretends that it opts for subtlety but then tosses it out the window with the pretty obscene joke name.
Chris: It’s supposed to be a boob. A single boob. Did the audience for Halloween costumes transform into predominantly frat boys at some point and I missed it?
Vincent: These costumes really depress me. It depresses me that there’s a market for stupid assholes with no sense of humor to spend money on this garbage. Looking at these costumes is pure torture.
Chris: Kinda gross. If I saw someone with this costume, I’d assume dangerous pervert and keep my distance.
Vincent: Chris, did you do this on purpose? Did I do something wrong to you? Look, man. I’m really sorry. Whatever I did, it can’t be bad enough to deserve this.
Vincent: I don’t get it. What’s the joke here?
Chris: I imagine costume makers have a brain trust of guys just thinking year round about things that could be seen as phallic.
Chris: This is really only indicative of a subsection of costumes that use the same joke. A power drill, a genie’s lamp, etc. As though it’s SUCH a great joke that people want every iteration possible.
Vincent: This is a insult to real firemen that are willing to use their fire hose dicks to save lives.
Chris: Like you can’t make a fake boner with stuff you have lying around your house? What a ripoff.
Vincent: This one is great, because it’s bound to backfire. First time you pump it up, someone is going to ask if you’ve seen a little boy. You’ll never hear the end of it.
Vincent: Thank Crom for Donald Trump! It’s the last time I’ll ever say those words, but I mean it. Finally a reprieve from boner costumes.
Chris: The least sexy thing in the world is Donald Trump. This is a surefire way to ruin Halloween.
Vincent: Have you seen his daughter though? Even the Donald wants to have sex with her!
Chris: I guess this goes with the Trump costume, ‘cuz he insinuated reporter Megyn Kelly was on her period when she dared to pose a mild question to him during a debate. I hate it. Any time you have to make people think about what you are for more than 2 seconds, you’re doing it wrong.
Vincent: The only reason they make these controversial costumes is to try to lure clicks in the hope that people click and then buy their other bullshit. It’s as if Ford made the Rapemobile 2000 to drum up interest in the Taurus. We kind of fell for it, but we’re just doing our journalistic duty here.
Chris: This is my least-favorite type of Halloween costume: the “timely” reference. Remember that Dentist that murdered Cecil the Lion in Zimbabwe? I bet this actor went home and cried.
Vincent: This is at least 5 internet rage cycles ago. Where’s the costume of the woman that sued her nephew!? (What’s great is that next week nobody will know who I’m talking about.)
Chris: I don’t know why Caitlyn Jenner would be a costume. It isn’t a monster, it isn’t really a joke. Seems like you’re just pointing out something and I doubt anyone buys this costume for well-intended reasons.
Vincent: Oh yeah, this is totally going to be worn by bearded fat guys everywhere who will laugh and laugh saying, “Don’t call me Bruce” in some sort of gay voice… but deep inside… they’ll finally feel comfortable in their own skin.