I swear, I don’t want to be that guy. You know, the ultra critical nerd that screams about how something meant for children is being remade for an entirely different generation of children is terrible because it’s not made to cater to them… and the whole “raped by childhood” thing is so beyond ridiculous, but I finally saw the whole trailer for the live action Paddington Bear movie and what I saw was shockingly bad and it hit me in the not feel goods.
The stop motion Paddington Bear shorts are pretty much among my earliest memories of anything. I have them on DVD and they hold up pretty well. More importantly, I just have this connection to them that I can’t really explain. Nostalgia to the extreme, I suppose. I’m sure this makes me biased, but I tried watching the trailer with an open mind. However, while it started out well enough and then just spiraled into a horrible mess starting at the earwax gag that was pretty much done in the first Shrek. I’m not an expert on Paddington Bear, but on the superficial level, he wears a raincoat (yes he wears one in the trailer, but the majority of the time he’s bear naked… get it?). He just looks weird. Like he’s too skinny or something. And the CGI around his mouth is too fake looking. Using an animatronic head might have at least looked a little more natural for his mouth movement, but what do I know? I’m just an old crabby nerd. The worst part of all though was Nicole Kidman’s character. I’m pretty sure Paddinton Bear didn’t have a lame rip off of Cruella Deville after him. That pretty much triggered the extreme eye rolling nerve.
Who knows, I could be wrong. Paddington Bear is getting a lot of good reviews. Perhaps the revulsion I had to the “we have to stick together because we’re a family” type bullshit is just me being a crotchety bastard. Maybe a whole generation of children will grow up loving Paddington Bear that otherwise wouldn’t. Well, enjoy your crappy Paddington Bear, kids. I’ll just stick with the old one and remain being “that guy”.