The End Times Finally Explained

In the tradition of reviewing Chick Tracts here (see the D&D one and the Gay one), the religious tracts so extreme that they are hilarious, comes my review of “The Last Generation”. If you love sci-fi, you’ll double love this. This Chick Tract has it all, apocalyptic visions, Space Clansmen, tiny Nazis, soylent green, and a dash of nut jobery.

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This one is subtle, but you know why the world headquarters is in Rome right? Because Catholics are evil, obviously.

Also, in the “Near Future” everyone will dress like it’s the 1970s. Or maybe that’s due to the artist being completely out of touch with current fashions, I’m not sure.

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Ohhhh snap! This is why the far right fears a world government and the supreme court. Naturally the combination of the rule of law that has protected our constitutional rights for years and the sum of humanity working as one will ultimately lead to this.

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“Moving into our mansions in heaven”? This guy has a lot of balls; the most I’d be willing to hope for is a sublet located on a bus route in heaven.

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I get the theology here. The end times mean that a true Christian will go to heaven. Still, this old guy seems a little too excited by the whole matter. He’s totally got a hard on for dying.

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Who could this monster be? Some sort of evil crime lord? A serial rapist that lives next door? A Jew?

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No, it’s a tiny Nazi! More, specifically, it’s their son Bobby.

I love that little caption about Bobby, just in case you think Bobby might not get his comeuppance. I also love the thought, “He’s going to love this!” This little bastard is so evil that he can’t wait to spring something hideous upon his family. Classy.

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These two panels alone are full of so much win.  There’s really no reason for these panels to exist other than the pure shock value. Oh no, people that think differently than me want to kill kittens!

And just in case you thought that just maybe Chick Tracts supported reincarnation, they let you down easy here.

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Is there anything else going on at school? Aside from your Witch teacher encouraging you to sacrifice cute puppies and kitties, did you have any homework or anything?

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I think my answer to the question of whether I wanted to join her would to beat that kid within an inch of his life. Hey, if I’m going to a concentration camp for child abuse, I might as well make it worthwhile.

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Another fear of these types is that the schools are out to corrupt children. If Bobby had just been home schooled he’d have been a social retard, but his family would have been safe.

Seriously though, how could you fail as a parent so badly that your child turns into a complete and utter piece of shit? I turned out okay…. wait never mind.

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If this seems familiar, you might have heard about it in the immensely popular, yet crappy Left Behind book series or those terrible Left Behind movies starring that terrible human being from that even more terrible show Growing Pains.

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Holy shit, look at that dude. Just take a minute and look at that dude. Take it all in.

I like to think that he looks like a retro-future Space Clansman. I can only imagine how insane the mind is that conjures up this image when they think of the words “New Age Healer”. Instead of some dipshit hippy, you get this freak of nature.

0094_14Oh that Bobby, he’s a regular Dennis the Menace!

0094_15Again, Grandpa here has balls of steel. I can imagine another conversation going like this:

Grandpa: “If I say yes, will your Healers take me away?”

Bobby: “That’s none of your business!”

Grandpa: “Well, obviously Jesus didn’t create the universe! Please tell your outer-space clansmen friends that everything is right as rain around these parts! And don’t send me to the cornfield!”

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Oh Jeez, Soylent Green is old religious types!

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I love the frame on the left, it’s so action movie. I also love how you know that Paul is going to be trouble just by looking at him. He’s the swarthiest Mother Fucker in the universe.

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Paul takes the title of King D-Bag here. He sells out his own wife to avoid being tortured. Then again, with a mustache that sweet I’m sure he’ll be pulling in some high class tail soon.

And damn that helicopter panel looks like it belongs in a different comic. It’s about 67% more dynamic than the rest of these boring panels.

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These friggen faith healers are bad ass! They can bust down solid wood doors with just their muscle power. They’d make great Captain America villains.

And this is the problem with dealing with high and mighty religious types during the end times, they’ll dissapear into heaven on you. Foiled again! They’re in the clouds with Christ. Wait… what? Are they implying that Christ really lives in the floating bits of water vapor up there?

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Huh, according to this Jesus does live in the air. Like in the actual sky above our heads. Great, now I’m worried that Jesus will be killed again by an airliner.

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Oh boy, they sure did a good job erasing the fact that Jesus was from the Middle East, didn’t they?

And if you were worried that Bobby didn’t get his comeuppance (despite the spoiler in the beginning), he totes died. Jokes on you, Bobby!

Small Print: This tract is copyright is owned solely by Jack Chick Publications. Please visit their website and buy lots of their tracts, if you enjoy them. They appear on this site for review purposes only.
  • Emma

    Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….my brain hurts a lot now.

    I had never seen this one before and it is AMAZING!

    I don’t even know what to comment on.

  • Monty

    Is anyone else excited about the possibilities of “New Age Healer” cosplay? The Commandos of the New World Order need YOU!
    I feel like the outfit is purple, but I could be wrong.

  • NIk

    keep these coming!

  • Vincent

    Monty, I totally think that outfit is royal purple.

    And Nik, keep the comments coming and you’ll get more!

  • http://www.televisionzombies.com Chris

    Review “Lisa” already!

  • Vincent

    It’s in the works!

  • Ur Dad

    Vincent, after all you turned out ok, well sort of…

  • Rowena McKay

    Wow, there is so much commentary still to make on this one… A detail I noticed, though, is that Paul (the Betrayer) is her brother, not her husband, which is Charles, I think.

  • http://www.therobotspajamas.com Vincent

    Ahh good call. Well, I’m too lazy to change it.

  • progurt

    These comics are so smug, they should all end with “WHAT NOW, ATHEISTS???”