If you grew up in the 80s or 90s, you’re familiar with slime toys. When a toy franchise was on its last legs, it put out a glow in the dark version of the toy. And when it was time to put it to sleep, they put out a slime version. There were other toys that were just slime based. I never understood the appeal of a slime toy. If you used it, you’d potentially ruin your action figures. And if you cleaned the slime up, you’d either lose a bunch of it or get it full of dirt and fluff. Slime toys are the worst. So here’s ten of the worst of the worst.
10. Lil’ Boogers
Well, the “figure” hidden inside will be covered in slime because that’s how it’s packaged but at least it won’t be ruined. But what are you supposed to do with that little figure? Throw it out then throw the slime at your friends, I guess. Fun should last literally minutes.
9. Ghosbusters Gooper Ghosts
Hey, if you want to dump slime on your toys, that’s your business. Good luck getting it out of the joints afterwards. At least this one made thematic sense. The ghosts in Ghostbusters leave behind gooey ectoplasm. The toy mirrors that accurately.
8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Sewer Slime Set
The Ninja Turtles live in the sewer and gross things go into the sewer. Slime is an accurate depiction of that gross stuff. But do you really want to pour it through the toilet and pretend that you’re shitting on your toys? You may as well actually dip them in your toilet.
Ooze-it is an alien. You squeeze him and ooze pours out of his head. I guess if a green monster came up to you, you may want to kill it. But is it really fun to see his internal organs liquefy and pour out of every orifice? The ooze is even red so you can really feel like you’re killing something.
6. Monster Face
Monster Face was a… monster’s face. You could dissect it, taking him apart bit by bit. His brain would leak slime. Congratulations, you’re killing it. But unlike Ooze-it, you’re taking your time and making him feel every bit of this.
5. Marvel Superheroes Venom
Venom is a Spider-Man enemy whose powers are his living costume. It’s able to form tendrils and move around, shapeshifting different uniforms and all sorts of neat tricks. The toy adapts this by letting you pour slime into his back and have it weakly dribble down his chest. Less of a power and more like a tragic wound.
4. Masters of the Universe Slime Pit
There is no way – NO WAY – this isn’t going to ruin certain He-Man toys. Like, if a kid put the furry Beast Man in there? He’s done for. At least with Ghostbusters and TMNT there is a thematic call for slime. But this toy looks like it’s just designed to ruin toys and charge you for the privilege of doing it yourself.
3. Hot Wheels Attack Pack Slime-inator
Hot Wheels was obviously nervous that kids didn’t want just any old truck. So they created Attack Pack where the trucks sort-of-transformed-really-just-popped-up. Then they added the evil Slime-inator, a truck that dumped a ton of slime on the cars. These bits of plastic and metal with all their hinges and joints never stood a chance. You get to dump slime on them one time and you might as well just leave it there, because that truck will never be clean again. Looks like the bad guy wins this time, Attack Pack!
2. Slime Monster Game
Well, you can’t say that Mattel didn’t warn you. The title and image makes it very clear what happens here. You march your token around and at some point a monster drops slime on you and the board. Good luck having that last long. I’m sure it’s really fun at the end of the game to scrape all the slime off the board so that you can play it again. Chances are this was like Mouse Trap where you set it up once, did the gimmick, dumped it in the back of your closet and forgot about it for the rest of your life. But those wide-eyed kids on the board will haunt your dreams forever.
1. The Super Soaker Oozinator
This thing was a pedophile’s wet dream. Just take a look at the actual tv ad and you’ll understand why this thing was pulled from toy shelves instantly. You’ve heard of direct-to-DVD movies? Well this toy was direct-to-dump.