So I’m in Wal-Mart the other day looking at their fine selection of t-shirts and I spotted the above beauty. The striking image filled my head with the sweet music of the Star Spangled Banner and my eyes filled with tears that were colored red, white, and blue. Yes, this shirt is what the United States of America means to me.
What I love about this shirt, which you see me wearing in the above picture because I’m a proud American and I used my hard earned U.S. dollars to purchase it and keep the economy going, is that it’s not a joke. No, there’s nothing intentionally humorous about this bulldog fighting for his country. I think my stand up comedian friend Tony Tudor said it best, “This shirt reminds me of the dog me and my family had to send off to war to fight for our freedom.” Amen, brother. Let’s take a moment of silence for all those dogs we’ve sent overseas to die, so we can purchase tie-dye shirts with flags on them.
Here is the other shirt which I didn’t buy, but I should have. As you can see, it is a bald eagle proudly driving the most American of vehicles, the motorcycle. And it aint no sissy motorcycle. Its one of them ones with loud pipes that screams, “Give us your tired, your sick, your poor, and LOOK AT ME I’M A TOTAL BAD ASS!”
I bet this Eagle once served his country. He’s a proud vet and he drives up and down this nations great highways with the big old stars and stripes waving in the wind that is mounted on the back of his bike. There’s no doubt that he rights wrongs and spreads the sweet word of freedom wherever he goes, as well as clawing out the eyes of illegal immigrants.
This symbol of U.S.A. isn’t too proud to wear a helmet, because he knows that head trama is no laughing matter. Still, I can’t help but think that this eagle would look a bit more cool if he had a stars and stripes dew rag.