Unfortunately for Star Wars, it’s become a really big target ever since The Phantom Menace. I never thought it would happen when I was a kid, but it’s cool to hate on Star Wars now. That’s why I had hopes in Star Wars: The Clone Wars. The new cartoon looks to me like a fun romp in the Star Wars universe that isn’t meant to be taken very seriously. I’m sure it works as a pilot for the cartoon series, but I don’t expect much more. That’s why I find it odd that reviewers are even bothering to review the thing. If you like Star Wars you are going to see it and probably like it, especially if you didn’t mind the prequels. If you don’t like Star Wars or like the prequels then you’re not going to like it. End of story. It’s not pretending to be The Godfather. It is what it is.
That’s not the case though and the film has been getting some terrible press. Since I’m a wretched Star Wars fanboy, I’ve gone through and collected some of the best of the negative reviews from Rotten Tomatoes and made some comments. Join me in my nerdom.
“Very young kids, Star Wars completists and Lucas apologists may find themselves compelled to attend; anyone else would have a better time going to the Toshi Station to pick up power converters.” Alonso Duralde – MSNBC
Ha, ha… I think. What does this mean? Was this just an attempt to squeeze in a Star Wars reference into a review? I feel a disturbance… in your review! ha ha ha
“Anakin’s a real mannequin in this stiffly-executed CG feature.” Michael Rechtshaffen – Hollywood Reporter
I have a feeling that this reviewer felt like he had Anakin/mannequin thing left over from the last films and really, really wanted to use it.
“Apart from the new ground Ahsoka breaks as the first female Jedi, The Clone Wars is a pointless experiment in computer-generated (CG) animation.” Simon Abrams – New York Press
Ashoka is the first female Jedi? I guess Depa Billaba, Adi Gallia, Stass Allie, Bultar Swan, Bariss Offee, Aayla Secura, Jocasta Nu, Luminaria Unduli, and Shaak Ti don’t count then…
“Feels like little more than a big-budget Saturday morning cartoon. An okay movie, but not nearly special enough to be a legitimate member of the “Star Wars” family of films.” Sean McBride – Sean the Movie Guy
Probably because… this is exactly what this is.
“Inconsequentiality is a pox upon the proceedings, draining any trace of narrative tension from countless large-scale conflicts that soon overwhelm the screen with stormtroopers, droids, explosions and laser blasts.” Nick Schager – Slant Magazine
As a nerd, I will not trust any film reviewer that can’t tell the difference between Clone Troopers and Stormtroopers. Oh yeah, I’m THAT nerdy.
Well that’s all for now. I’m going to go cry big nerd tears and hold a big pile of action figures in my arms until this blows over.