Star Wars Sheets That Make Me Furious

The Star Wars set at Target. (My bed is larger and sexually irresistible)

The Star Wars set at Target. (My bed is larger and sexually irresistible)

As a grown man I feel like I’m entitled certain privileges. One of those privilages is the abilty to have nerdy themed sheets on my bed as if I were a child. I’m also in a relationship with a 100% verified nerd, so I am free to let my nerd flag fly. I recently found some rad looking Star Wars sheets on sale on Target, until I got home and put them on my bed. Then I became angry and filled with the dark side of the Force! So I took my frustration and headed to the internet!

To explain why a bed sheet that is primarily meant for children would make me angry, let me explain something. I’m mostly cool with the Star Wars prequels. I like a lot of the technology and design, but not so much the story. That’s why I don’t mind when prequel stuff shows up on licensed materials like notebooks, clothing, or bed sheets. And when it’s mixed in with the original Star Wars trilogy stuff, that might be okay too, depending on how it’s done. However, its really rare to find new straight up original trilogy items without any of the prequel bullshit on it. In fact, when you do find a purely OT licensed item it’s a bonus.

starwarstargetsheets2

Classy X-Wing!

Just look at the back of the pillowcase! Just a single X-Wing. Elegant, classy, and cool.

Please note, I did not get the comforter as seen in the first image. It was too damned expensive and I already had a Star Wars themed one. (Also, ignore the wrinkles, thanks.)

Now to these sheets. I THOUGHT these bed sheets from Target were straight up original trilogy. Then I looked closer after putting them on my bed. There’s silhouettes of prequel ships on here! WTF?

Prequel ship circled in red.

Prequel ship circled in red.

The ship in question on this bed sheet is an ARC-170, first seen in Revenge of the Sith. It just doesn’t belong being thrown in there randomly like that. This isn’t the worst of it, though. Let’s get to the bedspread.

Jedi starfighter... argh!!!

Jedi starfighter... argh!!!

So on the bedspread we have some “Rebel Alliance” logos and others that say, “X-Wing Squadron”. Clearly, this is a rebel alliance themed set of sheets. Then why the bloody fuck are their ARC-170s and Jedi starfighters on this thing?! And why is it a Phantom Menace Jedi starfighter? Maybe you could argue that they are the precursors to the X-Wing… but fuck it. We’ve had an ass full of that sort of thing. Give me the damned Rebel Alliance, don’t mix it up with stuff that doesn’t belong.

But this is not the worst of it!

WHY????

WHY????

What… the fuck… why is the air speeder that is flown by the bounty hunter Zam Wessel on these fucking sheets? It has NOTHING to do with the Rebel Alliance, it’s not a starfighter, it’s not a precursor of any sort, and it’s only on screen for a few minutes making it completely forgettable. Granted, it’s a nice design… but it has no place being in this theme. Its like the designer of these sheets had no clue what they were doing and just started throwing shit in there. I’m surprised there’s no E.T. the Extra Terrestrials or a bag or Doritos, since they are about as relevant to this theme as this airspeeder. Even worse is there’s a profile of the same speeder!

There’s no A-Wing, B-Wing, Y-Wing, or Snow Speeder. Hell, there are no Rebel frigates, transports, nor is there a Mon Calamari Cruiser. Basically, there’s one ship from the Rebel Alliance and a Millennium Falcon. Great job, graphic designer who made these Target Star Wars themed bed sheets. You managed to make a themed bed sheet set without most of the major elements that would make up that theme.

Now I know how Darth Vader feels…

darthvadernooooooo

  • Joe

    Amazing. Half way through reading this I blacked out and could of sworn I woke up in my parents basement. Well done.

  • Attack of the Clones jedi starfighter. Not TPM.

    Your rage is justified, regardless.

  • You truly made me laugh on this one. Also, an adult male nerd with Star Wars sheets on his bed…How hot is that fangirls!

  • lazypadawan

    Great bit of subversion to pull the saga together and annoy the hateboys. I tip my hat to the sheet designer.

  • Lamar the Revenger

    I kinda like the Jedi & ARC fighter. But the speeder? Fail. MAJOR FAIL!

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  • Order 66

    One universe. All is G-Level Cannon. Like it or lump it, 6 films make up the Star Wars Saga.

  • LucasistheDevilAllHailSaintSandusky

    Here’s an idea. Take them back to Target and demand they burn the sheets because who cares about the Clone Wars and Saga loving kids who might enjoy it? In fact, demand they burn the sheets in front of the kid.

  • …sigh. I didn’t say that the prequels didn’t count. “Order 66” does that mean that every piece of Star Wars merchandise has to have prequel items on it? SPECIFICALLY WHEN IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING THEME? My issue wasn’t the prequels. It was that there was prequel items on the sheet for no reason. More specifically, that there was a random air speeder thrown on there, again because it doesn’t fit the overall attempt at a theme.

    Also, for anyone that doesn’t understand… this article is also written over the top on purpose. I really don’t care that much about it, but a post where I was mildly annoyed wouldn’t have been as entertaining.

  • LucasistheDevilAllHailSaintSandusky

    What’s the theme? Ships and vehicles of the Saga. Not much of an intuitive leap to make.

  • LucasistheDevilAllHailSaintSandusky

    You could also make the argument that the ARC fighter was an ancestor to the X-Wing, but what with fan sensitivity about actually using a series of three films that were the worst creation in the history of the human race since Mein Kampf don’t want to cause some kind of aneurysm or something.

  • Wallace

    OK, You are totally correct. This is a travesty! Let me count the ways…

    1. The sheets specifically say Rebel Alliance on them in multiple locations. This sets the theme for the sheets. It doesn’t say Galactic Empire, or Republic or anything else on it. For example: If you were to purchase a DVD of the 1st season of the original Dr. Who, but it had pictures from the current series on the box, this would not make any sense, correct? Would it not maybe upset you or even anger you that the designers were so ignorant to the difference?

    2. The ARC is in no way a precursor to the X-Wing. The “lore” might say that it is, but if you look at the design, and the basic function of the ARC, they are not similar at all. Just because you tack on 4 wings and keep the same basic shape does not make this ship a precursor. It’s got 3 Crew, completely different engines, different blaster cannons, the wings and hull of the fighter are in no way similar… this is like saying the Twilight, a transport freighter, is a precursor to the B-Wing. And the Aethersprite is not a precursor to any vessel (although some might try to argue it’s a precursor to the A-wing, but again this is folly, and the A-Wing is not even shown.)

    3. Zam Wessel is a bounty hunter who dies long before the Alliance is created. She has no association, nor should her vehicle. Also, this vehicle is a speeder, not a starship. It’s like putting a hummer on display at an air show.

    The design of these sheets was shoddy at best. You should have the integrity to at least do a little research if you’re going to be creating themed merchandise, otherwise it’s no better than cutting and pasting, which any monkey can do (Blurst of times!)

  • “LucasistheDevilAllHailSaintSandusky” The theme is Rebel Alliance. REBEL ALLIANCE. And your sarcasm really isn’t working, because like I said I like the prequels. I just don’t need to think they have to mixed in with everything all the time. They can make items that are just prequels or just OT. They don’t have to mix them for no god damned reason. I believe your sensitivity over the fact that most people don’t like the prequels and you do is clouding your judgement here.

    Wallace’s point #1 is 100% dead on.

    Although Wallace, I’d say the ARC is a precursor from a design perspective, maybe not from a technological one. In the films when the wings open up, its supposed to remind you of the X-Wing.

  • Call me crazy but at least for me is so cool to see a post like this. Its really stupid that designers dont even do some research for the products they have to create.
    And for the record..im a girl and ive a darth vader blanket..

  • Karolyna, you are awesome. And yes, its entirely an argument about design. Its not if the prequels are good or bad, just bad design.

  • Wallace

    Yes, the ARC is a precursor to the X-Wing just like Midichlorians are what power force users.

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  • Stock art + non-fan designer = your hell.

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