As a grown man I feel like I’m entitled certain privileges. One of those privilages is the abilty to have nerdy themed sheets on my bed as if I were a child. I’m also in a relationship with a 100% verified nerd, so I am free to let my nerd flag fly. I recently found some rad looking Star Wars sheets on sale on Target, until I got home and put them on my bed. Then I became angry and filled with the dark side of the Force! So I took my frustration and headed to the internet!
To explain why a bed sheet that is primarily meant for children would make me angry, let me explain something. I’m mostly cool with the Star Wars prequels. I like a lot of the technology and design, but not so much the story. That’s why I don’t mind when prequel stuff shows up on licensed materials like notebooks, clothing, or bed sheets. And when it’s mixed in with the original Star Wars trilogy stuff, that might be okay too, depending on how it’s done. However, its really rare to find new straight up original trilogy items without any of the prequel bullshit on it. In fact, when you do find a purely OT licensed item it’s a bonus.
Just look at the back of the pillowcase! Just a single X-Wing. Elegant, classy, and cool.
Please note, I did not get the comforter as seen in the first image. It was too damned expensive and I already had a Star Wars themed one. (Also, ignore the wrinkles, thanks.)
Now to these sheets. I THOUGHT these bed sheets from Target were straight up original trilogy. Then I looked closer after putting them on my bed. There’s silhouettes of prequel ships on here! WTF?
The ship in question on this bed sheet is an ARC-170, first seen in Revenge of the Sith. It just doesn’t belong being thrown in there randomly like that. This isn’t the worst of it, though. Let’s get to the bedspread.
So on the bedspread we have some “Rebel Alliance” logos and others that say, “X-Wing Squadron”. Clearly, this is a rebel alliance themed set of sheets. Then why the bloody fuck are their ARC-170s and Jedi starfighters on this thing?! And why is it a Phantom Menace Jedi starfighter? Maybe you could argue that they are the precursors to the X-Wing… but fuck it. We’ve had an ass full of that sort of thing. Give me the damned Rebel Alliance, don’t mix it up with stuff that doesn’t belong.
But this is not the worst of it!
What… the fuck… why is the air speeder that is flown by the bounty hunter Zam Wessel on these fucking sheets? It has NOTHING to do with the Rebel Alliance, it’s not a starfighter, it’s not a precursor of any sort, and it’s only on screen for a few minutes making it completely forgettable. Granted, it’s a nice design… but it has no place being in this theme. Its like the designer of these sheets had no clue what they were doing and just started throwing shit in there. I’m surprised there’s no E.T. the Extra Terrestrials or a bag or Doritos, since they are about as relevant to this theme as this airspeeder. Even worse is there’s a profile of the same speeder!
There’s no A-Wing, B-Wing, Y-Wing, or Snow Speeder. Hell, there are no Rebel frigates, transports, nor is there a Mon Calamari Cruiser. Basically, there’s one ship from the Rebel Alliance and a Millennium Falcon. Great job, graphic designer who made these Target Star Wars themed bed sheets. You managed to make a themed bed sheet set without most of the major elements that would make up that theme.
Now I know how Darth Vader feels…