Voyager Torture features Vincent reviewing an episode of Star Trek Voyager that he’s seen for the first time and Chris Piers drawing an image based on that episode that he’s never seen.
This installment of Star Trek Voyager Torture was so painful that I didn’t finish the review the first time I wrote it. And then I forgot about it, I had buried it away in my subconscious. I only realized I missed an episode after going through all of them. It’s been sitting in my drafts for months. Sadly for me, I had to re-watch the episode in order to refresh my memory. This is twice the pain to endure for you people. I hope you are grateful!
In previous episodes of Star Trek Voyager, Janeway was a in a sort of Victorian Gothic fiction novel where she was a newly hired Governess. And these moments were clearly filler that may or may not lead somewhere and in this episode it “pays off.”
Let’s take a brief moment and talk about Janeway’s, or rather the writers’, choice for a holonovel. Picard had a hard boiled detective novel, Data had Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Bashir had a James Bond like experience, and Barclay had sex fantasies. Janeway’s is a different take, for sure, but it’s also the most boring.
Neelix warns Janeway of the danger of entering “Botha” space and the crew is working on getting a way of having the Doctor move about the rest of the ship. When they get him in another room he’s tiny. The only reason this works is that he’s the best character on this ship. Anyway, this doesn’t help Janeway’s mood. Yes, she’s even crankier than usual. The Doctor orders her to do some R&R. The doctor asks how long since she’s done anything pleasurable and she says it’s been awhile. Hehe!
But… oh shit, this means that we get to the holodeck adventures that Janeway enjoys. In it, Janeway is a school teacher straight out of Victorian Gothic fiction. And boy is it… yawn… what? Oh no… it wasn’t a nightmare, I’m still here! Anyway, the dude in the holodeck program admits his love for Janeway. And then it’s revealed that there may be a ghost (which is so Gothic it hurts) and then Janeway is pulled out of her “fantasy”.
Well, Neelix warns Janeway that a bunch of ships have disappeared recently. Following that up, a dude hails them telling them that they’re violating their territory. After that Janeway notices cucumber sandwhiches in the kitchen… and then a cup… both were in her holonovel! Oh creepy! After more creepiness like seeing the kid from the holonovel in the hallway, Janeway has to get to the bottom of this!
And man, is this episode boring. For all the creepy aspects of the holodeck characters coming to life… it’s just so bland. It finally starts picking up a little bit when the Bothans show up and start attacking. After they defeat the Voyager the alien guy reveals his face… he’s Janeway’s boyfriend! Janeway asks around the bridge and everyone sees someone else they know.
Most of the crew becomes zombiefied by the psychic attack. Chakotay goes to engineering and hits on Torres who knows he’s not really Chakotay… but she ends up humping him anyway! She followed my advice for humping in sci-fi. Wait, you missed that? Well let me refresh you: If you’re confronted with a fake version of the person you really want to hump, if you’re in a virtual reality sim, or you’re under the influence of some sort of virus that makes everyone horny, fuck away! Hell, it’s even better if they’re a robot or you’re in a virtual reality sim, because it doesn’t count as cheating.
The important note here is that if you’re in a horror or sci-fi/horror world you don’t want to hump anyone. Or if you’re a red shirt in the original Star Trek series.
Anyway, as everyone drops off like flies Kes is the only one that can save everyone by doing some sort of thing in engineering. Neelix tries distracting her from her mission and she realizes it’s not the real Neelix. The next psychic attack makes her think she’s all covered in gross boils. She transfers the boils to Neelix with her psychic powers and to quote my girlfriend, “He’s the best he’s ever looked.” Neelix turns into some gross looking alien. Well, more gross than Neelix.
There is a cool twist when they confront the alien about fucking with them. He says he’d love to answer their questions, but he’s not really there and disappears.
After that we’re left with Torres wondering if she really wanted to hump Chakotay that badly or was she influenced by the alien. I wonder if this plot thread will ever be followed up on, but this is Voyager, so probably not! Anyway, Janeway tells her to keep her feelings locked up inside. Hey, that’s great advice. Bury it deep down so it’s a small ball of unending torment.
Most Torturous Moment:
It’s hard to pick one moment as the most torturous moment on this episode of Star Trek Voyager, because I was bored for more of the episode. If I had to pick one, it was the moment I realize that the whole episode would revolve in some fashion around Janeway’s holodeck adventure.
Least Annoying Characters:
Torres, Kes, The Doctor (all time winner so far of least annoying character)
Chris Art Accuracy: His depiction of Janeway discovering the cucumber sandwiches is much more whimsical and amusing. Perhaps that’s what this episode needed, a little more jocularity.
Score: 4 out of 5 Neelixes
This one was saved a point by the humping and Neelix covered in boils, even if it was pretend Neelix.