Snack Report: Hostess Cherry Pie

HostessCherryPie1

Dreams were made of this.

The Cherry Pie was always the end all be all of Hostess snacks for me. While others mourned the loss of the Twinkie (a real over-hyped mainstream act if there ever was one), my soul cried out for the loss of the Cherry Pie (and the Ding Dong, Sno Ball, and Chocolate and Crunch Donnettes, but I’m trying to make a point here).

Looking good so far!

Looking good so far!

When I knew the worst was upon us I ran and grabbed my old favorites. I also managed to snag things like the Chocolate Pie and Lemon, knowing that I might never get a chance to eat a Hostess brand one again. Cherry is the pie I most stocked up on though and it’s with heavy heart I write this after eating one of my saved Cherry Pies.

In order to save them for “freshness” I froze them. Believe it or not, Hostess products do expire. I had some cherry pies once that were basically all dried up on the insides like… how I look fine on the outside, but I’m a dry emotionless void on the inside. I didn’t want that to happen to these fruit pies since I had no idea how long I’d save these things, so they went straight into the freezer.

This is what sadness looks like.

This is what sadness looks like.

The freezing process did not do the pie any justice. From bite one I knew something was wrong, because the pie felt empty. And indeed, the cherry filling had settled so the pie was half filling, half pocket of air. The cherry filling still tastes like cherry, but it has a strange texture now.

This not what pie filling should look like.

This not what pie filling should look like.

It wasn’t a total loss, if you factor in the fun paper wrapper and the taste wasn’t all that bad if you could get past the non-Hostess quality texture of the filling. Also, the glaze did not degrade like it it did on the Chocolate Pudding Pie, but that would be nit picking. The Chocolate Pie is the clear winner here.

The last bite was pretty good, since the corners were full of pie, but overall I left with an empty feeling. The full realization that the Cherry pie I grew up with and loved may be gone forever. It’s like that time I ate my pet mice.

Writing this post and admitting my disappointment in the Hostess Cherry Pie is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. This has been a super depressing experience. I feel like hanging myself. Oh don’t be alarmed. It wouldn’t be to kill myself. No, for sexual reasons.

Score: 1 out of 3 thumbs