February is patting us on our collective heads and telling us that it is going out to get cigarettes and, pretty soon, March will come walking through that door and our mothers will say it’s her “new friend.” With a new month comes new releases on Netflix and that means it’s my time to come in and drop some knowledge on us all (and remind you that February leaving was definitely not your fault). One of the bigger things coming out this month is the newest season of one of Netflix’s biggest shows; House of Cards. So, until that debuts on March 4th–and for the many days afterwards when you finish it–you can binge on the thing I am stupidly excited for; season 2 of Daredevil (March 18th). Words can’t describe how hard I am geeking out over the chance to see Jon Bernthal as The Punisher. And how can I forget that Pee-Wee is back with a Netflix original film? Also, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice comes out this month but that aside, these things will only take up so much of your time and there’s so many more hours left in the day that need to be filled with sweet, streaming goodness.
Let’s get started!
American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (March 1st) – Stifler’s cousin is granted a “free pass” weekend by his girlfriend and decides to participate in an event called “The Naked Mile.” This American Pie spin-off Direct-to-DVD feature is exactly what you would expect: fart and dick jokes and nudity. There’s no substance to it and, with the readily availability to nudity on the internet, its existence feels completely pointless…plus, a quick Google search for nakedness means you get to go without sitting through some truly horrendous jokes. I’d say give this one a big Pass.
Good Burger (March 1st) – The loyal fanbase to this film about two best friends trying to save the fast-food joint they work at and is based on a skit from the Nickelodeon show All That are the same who constantly post “90s kids” memes on Facebook and never shut up about how great the cartoons were during that decade. I was born at the right time where I was too old to find this film (or the skit that inspired it) to be funny but the fans who love this movie love it in a big, big, BIG way. I don’t enjoy it but, for the fans, I’d say Watch It.
Groundhog Day (March 1st) – What can I say about this comedy about Bill Murray forced to live the same day over and over that hasn’t already been said? The film is a classic and is just as funny now as it was when it came out in the early 90s. This is a Definite Must Watch.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (March 1st) – It’s a cheesy representation of the old Robin Hood mythology that sees Kevin Cosner refuse to do a British accent for a British character. It’s silly at moments, has some decent action during others but, most importantly, has an absolutely brilliant performance from Alan Rickman as the Sheriff on Nottingham–and it also gave us one of Bryan Adams’ greatest songs. And if you don’t think that “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” is amazing, then I respect your difference of opinion but will politely not invite you to listen and sing along with me to the tune. Anyway, I’d definitely say Check It Out.
Scarface (March 1st) – This 1983 remake of a 1932 film centers on Cuban refugee Tony Montana and his rise to prominence as a drug lord. The film has an amazing performance from Al Pacino (the man is able to make you forget he’s, in no way, Cuban–not even in the slightest) and has become an icon to be imitated in millions of rap music videos…and it gave birth to dudes asking you to say hello to their little friend. It’s a pretty shocking and intense film and I’d say Check It Out if you’ve never seen it before.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture (March 1st) – I’m not really a Star Trek fan but I won’t deny that seeing the crew of the Starship Enterprise get the big screen treatment is kinda neat. For all you Trekkie fans, this is a Must See.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (March 1st) – This movie I’m a genuine fan of despite the fact I’m not a Trek fan. Not only did it give us that fantastic moment of Shatner cursing out Khan but yelling his name out in a very disapproving manner and Ricardo Montalbán with the most ridiculously looking chest (I don’t care that people say it was his real chest, I still think it was fake) but it gave us one of the coolest moments in cinema and geek history: The moment when Spock sacrifices himself and Kirk has to watch him die. That part is amazing and why this one is a Must See for Trekkies and non-Trekkies.
Larry Crowne (March 16th) – Tom Hanks loses his job and decides to head back to college. The formula seems simple enough and the cast has some great performers in it but the film is terribly vanilla and doesn’t really demand attention. Even the presence of the social media adored George Takei and containing Hanks’ irresistible likability isn’t enough to save this film. I’d say Skip It.
Promised Land (March 16th) – When it came out in 2012, this Gus Van Sant film about a natural gasman (Matt Damon) coming to a small town and trying to get land rights from the townspeople for fracking was pretty relevant but, with the whole attack on Flint, Michigan, this one might be even more relevant. It’s a decent film with great actors and performances but definitely has some problems with its storytelling. If you’re hard-up for something to watch, I’d say Give This One a Shot.
Fright Night 2 (March 31st) – This isn’t the sequel to the 80s original but a sequel to the remake (which I enjoyed) but this sequel is really a sequel in name only as it comes off more like another remake as it recons outcomes from the 2011 film with Colin Farrell and Anton Yelchin. This film is just a mess with a terrible script and awful acting. It’s not even bad enough for a laugh. Skip It!
Additional Films (That I Haven’t Seen) Released in March
Adult Beginners (2015)
Ahora o Nunca (2015)
American Pie Presents: Beta House (2007)
Before We Go (2015)
Blue Mountain State: The Rise of Thadland (2016)
El Desconocido (2015)
Frog Kingdom (2013)
Heaven Knows What (2015)
Hot Sugar’s Cold World (2015)
Road Trip: Beer Pong (2009)
The Young Kieslowski (2014)
For Grace (2015)
Lego Friends: The Power of Friendship (2016)
Sin Filtro (2016)
Hateship Loveship (2013)
10,000 Saints (2015)
The Falling (2015)
Final Girl (2015)
Finders Keepers (2015)
War Pigs (2015)
Are You Here (2014)
Charlie St. Cloud (2010)
Gridiron Gang (2006)
He Never Died (2015)
Jimmy Carr: Funny Business (2016)
Marvel’s Daredevil Season 2
My Beautiful Broken Brain (2016)
Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016)
The Art of Organized Noize (2016)
The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death (2015)
The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)
A Promise (2013)
Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation (2007)
Murder Rap: Inside the Biggie and Tupac Murders (2015)
Sunshine Superman (2015)
Yu-Gi-Oh! Bonds Beyond Time (2011)
And there you have it! There’s some great classics making their way into the library this month and some great originals I’m very excited about like Daredevil and Pee-Wee’s film. Now, my friends, go forth and stream! I’ll see you next month!
Rev. Ron is a writer, a movie-lover and one who fiercely proclaims that it’s tricky to rock a rhyme. He also humbly stepped down from the throne of being the King of Rock because he felt others were higher–but he requests that all sucka MC’s still call him “sire.” He also writes a lot of movie reviews that you can read on his blog at RevRonMovies.BlogSpot.com. You can also follow him on Twitter (@RevRonster).