We’ll 2016’s first month has been fully completed and the month of love and white people ignorantly asking, “Why isn’t there a White History Month?” has arrived. Aside from the arrival of Deadpool in the theaters, the return of The Walking Dead on AMC and 50% off all Valentine’s Day candy on Monday the 15th, February also brings the promise of new films and shows streaming on Netflix. The big news, of course, is the return of some familiar faces with the Netflix Original Fuller House debuting on Feb. 26th and the sequel to the 2000 wire-fu film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I guess this month is as good as any to get yourself a heart-shaped pizza, a bunch of chocolates and engage in some Netflix and chill with these features…
Let’s get started!
Armageddon (Feb. 1st) – It was one of two global disaster movies that debuted in 1998. This one stood out because it saw Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis and a whole bunch of others shoot into space in order to plant a nuke on an asteroid. It was directed by Michael Bay and it also had the privilege of containing the worst Aerosmith song you will ever hear and never be able to get out of your head. The film is overly dramatic, way too sappy and filled with a lot of the usual Bay over-the-top action and explosions. I didn’t care for it the first time I saw it and never had an urge to see it again. I’d say with this one it’s okay to Skip It.
Charlie’s Angels (Feb. 1st) – It’s a fairly safe and decently entertaining adaptation of the old television series. It’s got a great cast, has some fun moments and provides some decent action. It can be a little silly at times and it’s definitely not a go-to film to cure boredom but there’s worse things to watch. I’d give this one a Why Not? if you are hurting for something to watch.
Collateral Damage (Feb. 1st) – It’s one of the many forgettable films Arnie did after Batman & Robin during the beginning of the 00’s and it sees him as a firefighter out to stop some terrorists after his family is killed. Like I said, this one is just forgettable and pretty uninteresting–even the title sounds like it couldn’t muster the effort to make something more memorable. I’d say Skip It!
Cruel Intentions (Feb. 1st) – This came out the year I graduated high school and the friends I hung out with at the time absolutely loved it. I don’t hang out with them anymore and I won’t confirm or deny it had anything to do with their love of this film. The movie basically circles around some wealthy, over-sexed kids who make a sex bet. I didn’t care for it but it was pretty interesting seeing Sarah Michelle Gellar do something so drastically different. Overall, it’s not a bad film but it’s far from great. I’d say Give It a Shot if you’re bored and, at the very least, it will give you a chance to see the awful fashion trends and hairstyles we engaged in during the 90s.
Johnny English (Feb. 1st) – Do you like Mr. Bean? Who doesn’t? Well, this film isn’t Mr. Bean but it stars Rowan Atkinson who played Mr. Bean and it sees him basically doing a James Bond spoof. It has it’s moments of comedy but it’s not the strongest thing Atkinson has been attached to. I’d say Skip It.
Open Season (Feb. 1st.) – It’s an animated film about a domesticated bear that finds himself stranded in the woods just before hunting season starts and he ends up befriending a deer. It’s a pretty unimpressive and forgettable cartoon that has been lost in the pile of better features made by Pixar and DreamWorks. The jokes are corny, the story is pretty “meh,” and the two lead characters are voiced by Ashton Kutcher and Martin Lawrence–not exactly two actors that anyone is really yelling to see more of. I’d say Skip It!
Sin City (Feb. 1st) – Forgetting that Frank Miller is now known for being a cranky old dude with some racist tendencies, the man has made some amazing things in the world of comics and one of his most visually appealing works was the gritty crime thriller Sin City. A trio of directors (Miller himself, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino) excellent bring this world to life with a terrific cast, visuals that feel like they were ripped directly from the pages and a captivating story filled with violence and excess. It’s dark and visceral and very entertaining. I’d definitely say Check It Out.
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (Feb. 1st.) – I’m a fan of Will Ferrell and all of his work and this tale about a naive NASCAR driver who loses everything and tries to work his way back up to being the best is definitely fun. It has its fair share of weak moments but it also has a lot of quotable scenes that have cemented themselves into pop culture. It’s an entertaining comedy that I’d say Check It Out Again and, if you haven’t seen it, it’s a Must See.
Teen Witch (Feb. 1st) – Chances are you’ve seen a clip of this movie and never realized it. Head over to YouTube and type in “Teen Witch Top That” and prepare for glory as you watch one of the worse cases of white people rapping and hip hop dancing. Teen Witch is a super cheesy film that is about–you guessed it–a teenage witch. It’s very lame but stupidly fun at the same time. If you’ve never seen it, you simply have to. I’d definitely say this is one you get together with friends with, order a pizza, drink some beers and laugh the night away. It’s a Must See for the cheesiness alone.
I Love You, Phillip Morris (Feb. 3rd) – A 2009 dark comedy about a real-life con artist named Steven Jay Russell (played by Jim Carrey) who fell in love with a fellow inmate named Phillip Morris (played by Ewan McGregor). This is a very entertaining comedy with some great performances from McGregor and Carrey. I’d definitely say Check This One Out.
Additional Films (That I Haven’t Seen) Released in February
The Little Engine that Could (2011)
Para Elisa (2012)
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (2004)
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989)
Gaspar Noe’s Love (2015)
Hannibal Buress: Comedy Camisado
Lila & Eve (2015)
Fuerzas Especiales 2 (2015)
Marvel Super Hero Adventures: Frost Fight!
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny (2016)
Theo Von: No Offense
And there you have it! There might not be a lot of films debuting this month that may be perfect for a stay-at-home Valentine’s Day date night but you certainly have some entertainment coming your way (but seriously though, you have to see Teen Witch. It’s magically terrible!). Now, my friends, go forth and stream! I’ll see you next month!
Rev. Ron is the kind of guy who stings like a butterfly and floats like a bee. He also has a very unhealthy attachment to movies and likes to review every single one he watches. You can read his reviews by heading over to his blog at RevRonMovies.BlogSpot.com. You can also follow him on Twitter (@RevRonster) and read some of his truly unfunny jokes–jokes so unfunny that they instantly become hilarious.