A long time ago I wrote a piece on the internet that had upset someone. I had planned on writing a follow up apologizing for my gaffe, but I never did. I just recently found my notes for the post and I thought I’d share them here simply because they made me laugh. I also figure I’ll piss off someone on this site eventually, so let’s just get my sorrys out of the way. I present my apology:
I’ve been informed that my article may have been offensive to some. I was even described as, “kind of retarded” by the person that took offense. I assure you, I am not retarded in the medical sense. I do however suffer from my father’s chromosome destroying drug use in the 1970s, so when I close my eyes I smell colors. Therefore, I didn’t realize my tasteless jokes would be offensive to our more sensitive readers. I apologize, my humor runs the gamut from highbrow to juvenile, but mostly I think farts are funny.
I will make a better effort to not offend or otherwise harm the delicate sensibilities of those reading this site. I pledge to refrain from making filthy references to human body parts including, but not limited to, the following:
The gypsy organ, Rodimus Prime, The Magic Stick, mayo canon, fuel rod gun, One Eyed Jack, low hanging fruit, Iron Mike, Scary Spice, Baron Von Tent Pole, the baby batter blaster, homunculus, Python Patrol or Sargent Slaughters Little Marauder, Cockzilla, Atkins approved wiener meat, Harry & the Hendersons, Action Jackson, Willy Wonka’s Tasty Flesh Bar, Fleshy McSacky Sack, The Old German War Machine, happy nuts, the power twins, Uncle Ed’s fun zone, hairy balloon, Ahab’s harpoon, the other, other white meat, McNugget family pack
I would also like to apologize to the nation of Thailand. At no time has there ever been child prostitution within it’s borders. There has also never been a world wide street fighting match held in the great nation of Thailand. That has only happened in video games and in a movie staring Jean-Claude Van Damme.