When I was a kid there were these candies called Royals. They looked like M&Ms, but they had little crowns instead of Ms stamped on them and they were mint flavored. Why am I telling you this? Because I’m stupidly obsessed with my past and mint flavored, M&M-like candy rules. Royals disappeared from store shelves with the passing of the 80s and M&Ms have only taken up the mint mantle occasionally (mostly on holidays). The most significant appearance for me was during the theatrical release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. M&Ms had a special Indiana Jones tie-in that had a mint crunch flavor as a part of it. They were flipping awesome.
This was back in May (of aught 8) during the same period when I got married, so the memories of that blessed occasion (along with some other not so cool memories) are all wrapped up in these candy covered packets of joy. I had done my best to buy a few backs and eat them slowly as they disappeared from stores, but alas they were gone in a month or two.
Now flash forward to last Saturday (October) and I’m waiting for my wife, Babette, to finish taking her LSAT test. I walk into a Big Lots and find a sidekick full of Indiana Jones themed M&Ms. One half of the display was composed of the regular, less awesome chocolate variety and the other kind was the mint flavored crunch. I practically pooped my pants and did what any normal obsessive collector type would do; I grabbed ten bags and checked out while a weird sort of mania grabbed a hold of me. Then when my wife was done with the test, I made her go back with me so I could buy 12 more bags. Yeah, now I have 22 bags of mint crunch M&Ms.
I figure that if I spread them out I should have enough mint M&Ms to hold me over until Armageddon comes or until I find more at another retail establishment like Big Lots. I’m not sure what I’ll do when I do eventually run out, but I’m not above raiding warehouses for unsold inventories to get my fix. If you have a secret stash of these things, you better pray to your gods that I don’t find out about it. The streets just may run red with the blood of your children. Nothing personal, mind you. I just like these things a lot.