In the interest of bringing you regular updated content that’s super awesome, I’ve decided to borrow an idea from Metal Misfit. He posts Garbage Pail Kids cards and talks about them. Since I am obsessed with Dinosaurs Attack! cards again and cards like it, I thought I’d take one card from the Mars Attacks! series and say a little something about it. Let’s start with the first card in the series:
The Martian leaders voted and decided that Mars would have to attack the Earth. Life on the 4th planet would not be able to continue much longer. Martian scientists had reported to their government that atomic pressures had been building up beneath the surface of Mars for many years. A mammoth atomic explosion was weeks away, perhaps only days. The explosion would destroy all life on Mars, turning the planet into a barren wasteland. To protect the survival of their civilization, the Martian officials plotted the conquest of Earth. The fearless Martian warriors were prepared for their journey through space, confident that their weapons would soon conquer Earth.
Well here’s the first card in the Mars Attacks! series. While ensuing cards won’t really paint the Martians in any kind of positive light, the poor bastards had to choose between extinction and war on Earth. I imagine that there were hundreds of right wing Martian radio talk show hosts convincing the population for weeks prior to the launch that it was their patriotic duty to take over the Earth and to end abortions.
Now don’t go lumping me in with all the other Martian apologists out there. I’m just a realist. I’m sure we’d invade Mars and plant our McDonald’s flag in a heartbeat if the tables were turned. This is a high stakes game, if the Martians don’t win there aint no turning back. Oh it’s on all right. IT’S ON!
Legal Mumbo Jumbo: Of course the fine people at Topps own the copyrights to Mars Attacks! and I’m sure that they’d appreciate the fact that I’m shedding light on the series and perhaps will inspire people to purchase Mars Attacks! merchandise or even other fine products that Topps produces.