Lessons Learned from G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero

I’m a big fan of the G.I. Joe cartoon series. Mostly because of fond childhood memories and not really from the horribly dated stories and the terrible plots found in most of the episodes. After watching most of them again, I took away some very valuable lessons that I think are important to share with those of you not fortunate to own the (currently) expensive out of print DVDs.

1. Handguns can take out enemy helicopters from hundreds of feet away. (Though let’s give them credit, they are laser pistols).

2. No matter how dire things look, they’ll be okay after a commercial break.

3. If a missile hits your jet, the jet will not explode instantly. Only the engine will blow, which will allow you to talk for awhile before ejecting.

4. Cobra Commander will always escape no matter what.

5. Cobra Commander will never kill you when he has you in his base. He prefers talking and threatening over murder. He doesn’t even torture you! Well unless you consider being forced into gladiatorial combat torture.

7. All enemy air combatants have parachutes that will deploy and will always save their lives, even those flying helicopters. Somehow those dudes won’t be chopped to pieces when they fly through the spinning blades.

8. When surrounded by enemies pointing guns at you, you can at least take out five or six of them with just your fists and some kicks before they start shooting.

9. When your mind is controlled, there is still some part of you that will resist evil commands given to you, especially if you are commanded to harm a loved one.

10. It only takes about thirty seconds to travel anywhere on the globe. For instance, if the Joes find out that the Cobra base is in Australia they’ll hop in their jets and be there in moments. It doesn’t matter where the Joe base is, it’s always close enough.

11. All Asians know martial arts…

And sometimes Native Americans do too.

  • Thanks for these words of wisdom! Since I’ve never actually seen a whole episode, this is a very useful guide for me. :)

  • you forgot one the animals that befriend the joes are as smart as they are.

  • Now you know… blah blah blah.

    My friend burned the entire series onto DVD for me a couple months ago, and I think I’ve watched maybe a half dozen episodes. It’s pretty damn ridiculous stuff.

  • Good words.