I Heart Bellatrix Lestrange


Come on baby, let's set the night on fire. Literally and figuratively.

I’m not a big Harry Potter fan. I’ve never read the books and I kind of enjoy the movies, but I’m not a super fan as no doubt some of you are out there. I’ll tell you one part of Harry Potter than I’m way into, it’s Bellatrix Lestrange.

Just look at that magnificent woman. Sure, she looks like a goth Stevie Nicks and some would say that she’s an evil psychopath. Those people would be right, but I have a big crush on Bellatrix Lestrange. From the first moment I saw her on screen I felt a powerful attraction to her. Her crazy antics immediately spoke to me, and they said, “This woman would be amazing in the sack.”

Sultry and ready to stab you in the face. My kind of woman.

Sultry and ready to stab you in the face. My kind of woman.

Why is she going to be so great in bed? Come on! I can’t believe you have to ask that.  Because she’s insane. Everyone knows (or should know) that the more insane the girl, the better she’ll be in bed. Okay, okay there is a cut off, like when they start to smell or have a bunch of cats, but I digress. Bellatrix is the type of woman that will have no hang ups. Just that wild look in her eyes lets you know she’s up for anything once and perhaps twice! Yeah, she might go a little over the line with some scratching, gouging, or perhaps even stabbing, but if you can get past that you’re home free my friend.

I think the real trick would be wooing her before she cast some crazy spell that would turn you inside out or something equally terrible. If you caught her on one of her manic upswings that would be good. Though, I suppose if you were real charming you could turn her around in a real sad down period, maybe sing her some Air Supply lyrics and she’d be yours for the taking. Sure, she’d probably kill you at some point after you sealed the deal, but my argument is that the sex alone would be so good that you’d probably die from exhaustion before that even happened.

And if for some reason she didn’t kill you? Well, you can’t fool yourself. That relationship isn’t going to last long if you don’t have an insatiable lust for murder and a hard on for Voldemort. That break up is going to be a messy one. You can expect a lot of your stuff missing, broken, and destroyed. And your car? It’s going to have a few more scratches on it or even a busted in tail light. Hey, it’s the price you pay for some crazy sex times, amirght guys?

I can’t be the only guy that’s attracted by this sort of wild eyed danger. I think anyone who has ever dated a girl with daddy issues will immediately recognize that Bellatrix Lestrange has a lot going for her. What do you folks think? Is Bellatrix worth the danger? Or can you think of other evil villains that would be worth the risk?

  • Totally worth the danger.

  • Marla.

  • DaveP

    Filthy. Guaranteed.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3D7Y_ycSms

    I’m pretty sure that almost everything you say about the character can be applied to the actress as well, especially since she’s married to Tim Burton and bff with Johnny Depp. I’m pretty sure that would be the best threesome in the world.

  • Splitty

    That’s hawt. I have a dirty sex crush on Lucious Malfoy (the DAD, not the SON, people always get that confused when I say that, I’m no Pedo). Evil crazies FTW.

  • All right Splitty, if I figure a way into the Potter universe I’m taking you with me, though you’re a lot less likely to get killed by your crush.

  • And Allison, I can think of a better threesome: ANY THREESOME INVOLVING TWO GIRLS.

  • DaveP

    The bad news is Bellatrix isn’t in the last film much. Except for when Hermione drinks Polyjuice Potion. That’s kinda hot.

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