Hustler – This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX – This is a Parody: The Review

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As a fan of all things Ghostbusters and with it being Ghostbusters Week I’d be remiss in not using this time to review another Ghostbusters remake, so it’s time to check out This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX! The last Ghostbusters remake I reviewed was Nutbusters and it was a big disappointment. This one promised a lot more and it’s even in 3D. Did it live up to it’s own hype? Let’s find out!

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The not really Ghostbusters.

The first thing of note is the cover is a lenticular 3D cover, like a real 3D blu-ray. It also features the 3D and non-3D blu-ray versions. It also has a regular DVD version as well as an anaglyphic 3D version on the DVD. (That’s the old red/blue 3D.) And what’s funny about that is they included red/blue 3D glasses that are custom printed for this movie. It also came with an Egon trading card. Huh, I wonder if there are other trading cards? Now I kind of want them all.

The Movie

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The Not Ghostbusters doing stuff.

This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX is a porno with the distinction of featuring a cast member from the original film. That’s right, Ron Jeremy is in the original Ghostbusters and he makes an appearance in this film. Thankfully, it’s a non speaking cameo and you don’t have to watch him have sex.

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Inexplicable porn legend Ron Jeremy.

The first scene starts off like in the actual Ghostbusters with Peter (Evan Stone) running an unscientific experiment on a couple of college students. In a completely unsurprising move for a porno, he ends up having sex with the young female student (Lily Labeau) for what seems like an hour. It’s seriously one of the least sexy scenes in the history of pornography, especially since the guy’s testicles hang down to about his knees. After it was over my girlfriend said, “I don’t want to watch any more scenes with that dude, I don’t need to see his weird junk.” I agree. Also, it’s worth noting that it’s one thing to know a college professor is trying to bang his students in a highly unethical way and then actually witnessing it.

On a side note, the actors representing the Ghostbusters crew don’t really resemble the actual actors from the film and I guess you really wouldn’t want a porno starring Dan Aykroyd. Still, the guys getting the majority of screen time are just as shlubby or average dudes. The acting is enough to get it done, but it’s not going to blow you away. It’s like watching a fan film with swears. Well, a fan film done by people that aren’t super obsessed with Ghostbusters and aren’t bothered by the fact they turn off their proton streams before they open the trap on Slimer, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

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The librarian “ghost”.

The next scene takes place in the library when the team meets the librarian ghost (Alexis Texas). The non-porno parts are actually fairly humorous. For instance, the librarian ghost knees Peter in the nuts, which was genuinely funny. When Ray (Alec Knight) asks what he should do, the team yells, “Fuck her!” and push him toward the ghost as they run away.

This sexual encounter is more interesting, probably because the guy’s junk isn’t super distracting. But it was at this point that I realized just how much of a male fantasy this film is. Yeah, I know porn generally is a male thing, but this really focused on what a dude considers hot. The guys aren’t that good looking and the women just totally want to bone a guy as soon as he whips his wiener out. Hell, if you see a sexy lady ghost she’ll turn into a physical woman and you can totally hump the shit out of her and then leave when you’re done. Oh and this scene wins for hottest scene of the movie, fyi.

After that’s over there’s some more story bits that are fairly humorous. This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX hits the major beats of the movie, while skipping a lot of it. It’s like having seen the movie once a few years ago and then explaining everything you remember to a friend with a bunch of hardcore sex added. So it’s a lot like listening to my pal Matty tell me a story. Anyway, Slimer has a dong and he’s masturbating when they catch him in the ballroom. I laughed.

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Her dead eyes capture the excitement of her sex scene.

The next scene takes us to Dana’s (Raven Alexis) apartment where Peter proceeds to have sex with his possessed girlfriend. After that extremely long and boring sex scene we go back to Ghostbusters HQ where we’ve already got a possessed Louis Tully (Jeremy Conway) aka Keymaster with Egon (James Deen) and Janine (Sarah Shevon). Janine all of a sudden gets super horny and has sex with the both of them in the film’s second hottest scene by default.

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The team meets Winston for the first time.

Once that scene is over we’re then taken to the rooftop where a naked Zuul has a showdown with the four Ghostbusters. In a funny moment the original three Ghostbusters ask who the new dude is that’s with him, since they hadn’t bothered to have any other scene with Winston.

In a disappointing turn of events, the Peter character steals one of Winston’s most memorable lines, albeit with a X-rated twist.

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Ray’s Mom.

Speaking of twists, when the Ghostbusters have to clear their minds when they are told to pick their doom, instead of the Stay Puft Marshmallow man showing up Ray thinks of his mom (Joslyn James). When she shows up, Winston has to have sex with her… of course. Anyway, for a woman that is like a 1950s mom, she’s got a ton of tattoos. Also, far be it for me to criticize a porn star’s body, but something is going on with her boobs like she’s had one too many surgeries. My girlfriend commented a lot on it, so it’s not just me being an awful person.

Once that’s over the movie is done. Nobody has sex with Gozer (Jennifer Dark), which is odd. It seems to defeat the whole premise that the movie has set up, that once a character is introduced then that character engages in explicit sex for an eternity.

The 3D

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One of the best 3D scenes in the film.

The 3D is surprisingly good. I have the feeling that it was filmed with 3D cameras, which makes it sad that a porno has better 3D than some major Hollywood releases. The biggest problem with the 3D though is the composition of shots. The actors weren’t staged in the best way to take advantage of the 3D. Furthermore, for most of the sex scenes there wasn’t enough of a separation between the actors to make much difference and when they were presented in an environment that was rather flat. There are some scenes that are handled fairly well, but the best 3D is in the non-sex parts, which is a real shame.

The area where the technical side really suffers is in the image quality of the HD. There was a lot of digital artifacts present that were pretty distracting.

There were also instances of weird flashes of light and during one scene all the dark areas of the screen were really screwed up. I closed either eye and the left image was fine, but the right image was far too dark. The overlay screwed everything up.

Further Thoughts

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I’m running out of family friendly pics.

Watching a porn movie is weird. I don’t know if the age of the internet clip has ruined me for such an experience, but it’s odd to watch a movie and then have to sit through 20 minutes of sex to get back to the plot. You’re usually there for the sex or the plot, but not for both. This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX is far more interesting in the parody parts and it’s a shame that there’s not more.

I’m split on recommending this. I was all ready to give it a go for it based on how humorous the non-porn parts were, but there’s simply not enough of them. And personally, I found the sex bits really boring. I think the film would have been much better served having short sex scenes with a greater variety of them along with a few more parody scenes. There could have been a Dana/Janine scene. A scene were all the Ghostbusters “team up” against Gozar. A Keymaster/Gatekeper scene… but oh well, I missed my calling in life as a porn director.

Unless you’re a diehard fan that really wants to see a dirty version of Ghostbusters, you can probably just watch the trailer and call it a day.

  • Chris Piers

    Your review cracked me up.

  • The Truth

    LOL. I made it as far as digital artifacts and had to quit. “Composition of shots”, “digital artifacts”. Jesus christ man. This is a movie you are supposed to jerk off to not a film school study project. Do you even have a dick? Does it work?

  • You sound like a happy person.

  • Aside from you completely missing the whole joke of the review, what kind of review would you want to read for a porn movie? You really want to read about how some dude stroked it to a porno? That’s a bit odd. “Oh dude, the chicks made me super hard and I stroked it so much, this thing is going to make you blow ten loads!”

    Hey, if that’s you’re thing, sorry you didn’t find that here.

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