Game Report: Settling Catan


Settlers of Catan is an odd duck in that it’s a more hardcore board game from Germany that has somehow made some inroads with those who aren’t into the world of niche boardgames. Lots of people love Settlers, yet somehow I hadn’t played it until recently.

The friends I was hanging out with the other night got a Settlers of Catan craving after we finished a great game of Munchkin Cthulhu (hopefully review coming soon). Now I must note that by the time we started playing Catan I had really been working on some margaritas. Before the game was over I had drank about a half pitcher and then I switched to beer, so I might have not been in the right mindset to play.


Settlers of Catan boils down to trying to build settlements and cities to be the first person to get to ten points. In order to be the top winner dog you’ve got to manage resources which include wood (hehe), sheep, ore, and bricks. Sounds exciting, right?! You can get knights, but you can’t burn down any of your friends’ villages or rape and/or murder their peasant folk (lame). You can get other cards that give you points and allow you to build roads and such.

The game I played consisted of me and three ladies (jealous guys?) and I couldn’t do anything for about five turns. Everyone kept rolling sevens so this dumb bandit kept going all over the board taking cards while barely anyone earned any of them. This meant that when I eventually had enough cards to do something, one of the cards I needed was taken from me. So. Much. Fun.

At a certain point this was what the game became for me: blah wood blah bricks blah sheep blah ore blah blah.

I zoned out. I had too many margaritas to care. At one point I belched and a little puke came up in my mouth. I call those sour burbs. It felt like forever before I could do anything at least halfway decent. I was finally able to build a city and the game became slightly more fun. A few rounds later when I was going to build another city, I dropped one of my cards, I bent down to pick it up, the tip of my hat hit my glass of beer, and the beer spilled all over the game.

Now I owe my girlfriend a new Settlers of Catan.

Score: 1 out of 3 resources

  • LBAM

    Yeah, this one is on you, not the game. Settlers IS fun – though I’d be more likely to recommend something like Ticket to Ride, Risk Legacy (really not at all like regular Risk, which sucks). Settlers probably doesn’t go well while under the influence. Drinking is best saved for games like Munchkin (though the risk of fist-fights goes way up) Kung Fu Fighting, or Red Dragon Inn.

  • I like regular Risk. I’ve been thinking about getting Legacy someday. I have that future Risk game that has the Moon on it. That’s pretty cool.

  • LBAM

    Regular Risk is on my list of games to never, ever play. It’s boring, takes forever to resolve things because the number of armies is pointlessly high, relies far too much on luck, etc. I feel that Risk and Monopoly are the reasons why most people think they hate board games.