Crazy Wolf: A Religious Tract Review (That Reviews Itself)

Welcome back to another crazy religious tract review. This time the tract we’re going to cover is called Crazy Wolf. It caught my eye because I thought it was about werewolves. Werewolves are cool. Well, werewolves that don’t have to do with Twilight are cool. Man, Twilight will make anything uncool, even Fonzie in Twilight would suck. Regardless, this one turns out to be about Native Americans and goes fucking crazy from there. (Please note that this review isn’t as “funny” as usual. The tract pretty much does that without my help.)

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Old Mary going crazy? Doesn’t seem unlikely given the nickname. Looks like we’re back to the cartoony art that’s barely passable with this tract. Just check out that lopsided head in panel two.

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I’m going to guess that the strange power is the fact that curses don’t work, but in and odd twist we’ll find out that’s not exactly the case. Nice random owl by the way. Is that some sort of commentary? Breaking the fourth wall somehow? Probably not, the artist probably just figured out how to draw a sweet ass owl and wanted to show off.

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Love the semi-competent cow next to the cartoon dog in the left panel.

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How did Indians put curses on people before the invention of photography?

I love the implication her death will be messy. I imagine she’ll explode like the air god in Big Trouble in Little China.

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Everyone who kills their brother is a Skinwalker, DUH!  And it looks like the artist just figured out how to draw a sweet arse bunny.

Keep a left at the tied up prospector and go straight through the snakes. I must be close! Seriously, that prospector is so boned.

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Don’t you think giving the recipe for a Satanic ritual is dangerous? Clearly the writer thinks this stuff is real, so giving away any information on this sort of thing would be like putting a bomb recipe in here.

That’s such a bad ass phrase, “her heart will be in my hand.” I’m so hoping Crazy Wolf wins.

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What the hell time period does this thing take place in? It feels like the Old West, but that kid is wearing a baseball hat.

Great random comeback. “Our god is strong.” “Well, my god likes radishes.”

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Someone should have figured out how to draw a hand holding an object, but they clearly haven’t mastered that yet. And what are they using, cell phones? Where are the cords!? WHAT YEAR IS THIS?!

Is it a coincidence that the two Christians thus far are the most white looking? And all the Native Americans have horribly twisted and stereotypical features? No, I don’t think so.

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And here’s where the real crazy shit begins. You see, in these religious tracts, you can actually call on the spirits of evil and get stuff from them. That’s one thing I’ll never get tired of in these things. You’d think that the argument would be better if they said, “Hey, this other stuff won’t possibly happen, since our stuff is the only truth and what they believe is bullshit.” Nope, you can totally have kick ass devil powers if you want them.

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Keep in mind this isn’t a parable. These things are depicted as what can actually happen in real life. Remember that the next time you cross someone, you just might see a flying werewolf coming for you.

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Now that’s a werewolf!

According to the second panel, Old Mary looks to be about two feet taller than her doorframe.

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So in reality, it’s possible for an angel to come down and beat the shit out of a man that turns into a werewolf. Yep, nothing crazy to see here, folks.

Did you notice how white that angel looks?

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I think Satan has a misplaced anger problem.

I’m no really surprised that Mary would do that. I’ve seen the whole redemption thing in Return of the Jedi and even with the new dance scene in the Special Edition, it’s still way better than this.

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Your Jesus, lady? That’s mighty presumptuous.

Everyone knows that Skinwalkers love fried chicken. 

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“Oh look I can draw a snake! And the snake represents… evil! Yeah, that’s it!”

One thing I never get in these tracts is giving Jesus credit for everything. According to the scripture, God created everything. Jesus came later. I know they’re supposed to be all the same dude… but come on.

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Old Mary, there’s a difference between original sin (what she’s talking about) and someone who has raped and murdered.

I like the idea that Crazy Wolf is “escaping” Hell. It makes me think of a really bitching action movie.

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Of course he converts. What else does he have to lose? The devil tried to kill him!

And Satan went ape shit. I love this detail. I don’t get how Satan would be surprised by the conversion. He tried to kill the dude.

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This tract really embraces one of the most controversial aspects of the Christian religion, that one can repent and suddenly everything is cool. Crazy Wolf killed a lot of people. But no biggie, he likes God so he’s great now.

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Nobody puts Margaret in the corner! There’s a strange plot hole in this tract. Margaret is willing to fill Crazy Wolf with hot lead, but not Old Mary? Shouldn’t she logically now walk into Old Mary’s and deliver some frontier justice?

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Oh man, this is a sweet ending. All you have to do to get to heaven is repent at the last possible second. Live your entire life like the most foul creature to blacken the Earth, but it all goes away in a second. Nice!

Poor Margaret. All she ever wanted to do was to kill her neighbor.

Crazy Wolf Score:  A in crazy; C+ in art (the bunny helps); A in racism

Our other religious tract reviews: D&D, gays, pedophiles, fairy tales, new age faith healers/end times, Muslims

Small Print: As always, the copyright owner is here. These tracts are presented here for review purposes only. Please visit their site and buy lots of religious tracts to spread around to both enlighten and entertain random strangers.

  • Hdawger

    Epic. I love the epic fight scene between the angel and the werewolf. Now thats a movie waiting to happen!

  • It seems like Crazy Wolf mostly converted because he was able to tell that Jesus had more power than his devil. So he traded up. Why do Chick Tracts think we should like the idea of rapists and murderers getting into heaven?

  • Sam

    I personally like how “Old Mary” is crazy and following her “White God” yet these “pagans” all seem to have biblical names.

  • Megatherium

    I look forward to meeting Hitler and Elizabeth Bathory in Heaven…

  • Matty

    I like how they don’t like “Old Mary” because she’s “crazy”, so they get help from “Crazy Wolf”.

  • Nik

    I like the last anti-catholic Virgin Mary shot. Catholics don’t love Jesus ENOUGH!

    This whole thing was awesome. Never stop doing this.

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  • progurt

    Margaret is the most authentic Native American name ever.

    And I’m really amused by the thought of Jesus telling people “You just made it by the skin of your teeth! Free pass, buddy!” I picture him up there high-fiving new arrivals, and then somebody comes up who lived a good life but didn’t convert, and he says “Sorry loser, rejected!” and body slams them through the floor into hell.

  • Hahaha

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