We did it for Avengers: Age of Ultron. How could we not do it for Star Wars? Chris and Vincent give their best guesses at what’s going on in the new teaser trailer for the seventh Star Wars movie, which only has about 7 shots. It’s a true tease. But is it awesome? Underwhelming? Exciting? Disappointing? Let’s dive in.
Chris: There’s a voiceover that sounds a lot like Benedict Cumberbatch, but supposedly Abrams is not using him in this (though he also said Cumberbatch wasn’t playing a certain Star Trek character in his last movie and that was a lie, so who knows?) and a lot of fans suspect its Andy Serkis. Definitely possible.
Vincent: I don’t like Cumberbatch and I don’t want him in Star Wars, but worse things have happened. Like him being Khan.
Chris: Vincent, the first shot takes place on a desert planet that rumors say is somehow NOT Tatooine. And we see John Boyega, in a Stormtrooper uniform looking very scared or surprised. Who is he and what’s going on here?
Vincent: As a first official moving image form the film, it seems like an odd choice. Maybe he was asleep and just woke up, because the narration says, “There’s been an awakening, have you felt it?” He was just having a bad dream. Poor guy.
Chris: I love it. It’s raw emotion. No CG. Just acting and a strange juxtaposition of the familiar and the foreign.
Vincent: And then this. They’re obviously trying to pull off a serious, dark tone with this teaser and then they show some goofy ass soccer ball droid. What the heck?
Chris: It’s cute. It’ll sell millions of toys. And it’s probably one of the few CG shots they could have ready this soon.
Chris: This is Daisy Ridley’s character, which some rumors are calling Kira but that hasn’t been confirmed. Don’t know who she is but she looks a bit like a Luke-type. As in, small town farmer living on a desert planet.
Vincent: You’re a step ahead of me. I have no idea who these actors are. And yeah, maybe she’s a “regular person” in the Star Wars and gets sucked into a bigger adventure.
Chris: I appreciate the diversity and that they didn’t feel obligated to shove Chewie and R2 down our throats right off the bat.
Chris: Apparently she rides a big USB thumb drive.
Vincent: Zing! Yeah, that thing is not the least bit aerodynamic.
Vincent: Well here’s some Stormtroopers. We’re all assuming they’ll be bad guys, but maybe they’re special Alliance troopers? The tables have turned?
Chris: “Aren’t you a little short to be a Stormtrooper?”
Vincent: Good point, Chris. They’re obviously not clones.
Chris: Personally, I’ve never thought the stormtroopers in the original trilogy were clones. Because Luke talks about going to the Imperial academy in A New Hope. I think it being a generation later, the majority of troopers in A New Hope forward were recruits. But I also think the short one is an intentional reference to A New Hope. Maybe it’s even John Boyega’s character.
Chris: What kind of rifle is this? The E-11? I gotta know! I hope it was made out of scrap parts lying around the film set, like in the original trilogy.
Vincent: I’m sure their will be a whole book detailing exactly what this gun is, how it operates, and some big story about their manufacture. Also, I like how big parts of it are white. That will help when they make the toy version and it’s mostly white for safety. I wouldn’t be surprised if the movie ones had orange tips on the barrels.
Chris: From the amount of mist that is around when the landing bay opens, I get the sense this is on a water planet. In fact, this movie seems to show only two planets: a desert one and a water one.
Vincent: Maybe it’s the Star Wars / Myst crossover we’ve all be dying to see.
Vincent: Here’s some pilot guy. Very much like the original costume, but updated. It works, I suppose.
Chris: This is Oscar Isaac’s character. Vincent, can you read the Arubesh on his uniform? Yes, I know the name of the Star Wars written language.
Vincent: It says, “Rebel Pilot Uniform Coming Soon to Wal-Marts Everywhere.”
Chris: I kinda love seeing spaceships within the atmosphere instead of outer space. More to crash into and a better sense of speed. It looks like the X-Wings’ attack foils are a bit different. Still, not that much has changed in this galaxy over their last 30 or 40 years.
Vincent: Yeah, I really dig the atmosphere stuff. I still hope there’s space battles, though. Also right on the small differences with the X-Wings. This is a universe where ships last a very, very long time though, at least according to some of the Expanded Universe stuff (before it was thrown out).
Also, I’m sure they’re different enough that I’ll have to buy 5 of them for X-Wing Miniatures.
Vincent: This is just kinda. I just don’t know.
Chris: I don’t think the broadsword design with hilts is as crazy as some fans seem to be saying. I think swinging a lightsabre around when you have a super-tall head or tail tendrils on your head is much more dangerous. Also, this lightsabre seems to crackle and be a lot less stable than a traditional lightsabre which makes me wonder if this character isn’t a fully trained Sith?
Vincent: Maybe. Regardless, they couldn’t resist the urge to put in a new type of lightsaber because regular ones just aren’t cool enough.
Chris: The shot of the Millenium Falcon, John Williams’ score and some TIE fighters has me ALL IN. Only difference I see in the Falcon is its radar dish is now rectangular instead of round. Which makes sense since Lando knocked it off when he blew up the second Death Star.
Vincent: Rectangle is the new circle.
Yeah, this was super exciting. I’m hoping this will get a good 3D conversion, Because this scene would be amazing in IMAX. I can already feel myself barfing up nachos on the person next to me from motion sickness.
Vincent: Overall, I’m not super excited. There wasn’t enough for me to get really excited about except the few seconds of ships flying around. And the rest of it felt a bit fan filmy. We’ll see.
Chris: Pretty good subtitle, I think. I’m definitely looking forward to it. When a full trailer comes out in probably May I won’t be surprised if we get to see glimpses of Han, Luke, and Leia at which point I’m ready to buy a ticket. December 2015 can’t get here soon enough.