Book Review: Hounds of Dracula

I’m sure you’ve read stories about regular dude Draculas and female Draculas and Draculas so gay they might as well be female Draculas, but have you ever in your life read a book about dog Draculas? I’m guessing you haven’t. That’s why I read Hounds of Dracula. Who wouldn’t want to read a novel featuring Dracula’s dogs? People who don’t like fine literature, that’s who.

houndsofdracula

Sadly, the book isn’t as good as I’d hoped. There’s lots of vampire dog action that’s for sure, but only one of the dogs was actually Dracula’s dog (the book cover title above is different than the one I have, which ties it into the movie title. Yes, this was made into a movie). The other dogs just happened to get turned into vampires by the original dog years after Dracula is dead. I was instead hoping that Dracula had a whole pack of bad ass dogs that ravaged the countryside. Instead the story starts off with this vampire dog named Zoltan awakening in a tomb and reviving a regular human type vampire, before the whole tomb is destroyed and they are unable to revive Dracula himself. This isn’t too bad of a set up, but when the title is Hounds of Dracula I expect “HOUNDS” not “hound” and a bunch of Doggy-come-latelys.

The story took a turn for the worse when the protagonist — who is a non-vampire decendent of the evil Dracula family* and who also just happens to own dogs , who just happened to have puppies — lets his kids take the dogs and their new puppies camping with them. Who takes new puppies camping? Worse yet, when one of the puppies wanders off and gets lost, the family looks around for awhile and then the dad decides to call the search off, go to bed, and resume the search in the morning expecting to find him wandering around then. Note to dumb ass character: Puppies don’t work that way.

The only things saving this book are the cool old school vampire hunter character and the fact the fucking book is about vampire dogs.

Oh yeah, and the fact that there are vampire dogs does bother me a little. They never explain if a dog needs to drink human blood to survive or if it can drink any blood. Also, if the dog bites a cat, does the cat turn into a vampire cat? And if so, I want to read that book.

*Another thing I didn’t get. It’s not explained how vampires had kids and thus could establish multiple Draculas related by blood reigning over many periods.

  • You’re raising some good questions here.

    Can vampires reproduce? Would the babies be vampires from the start (Vampire Fetus??? There’s a book to be written!)? Actually, fetuses are sort of vampires anyway, right?

    Also, the thing about human blood vs. other blood. Could Dracula drink non-human blood instead? I know there have been some vampire stories since where vampires drank blood from butchers and such, feeling that was more ethical…

    Important questions for this time of economic uncertainty!