Tarzan and the Jewels of Opar by Edger Rice Burroughs
Book Report by Vincent
I like old paper back adventure/horror books, especially when they have a crazy low cover price on them like a quarter. Old Tarzan paperbacks fit the bill quite nicely, but I haven’t found them as enjoyable as I would like to. Case in point, Tarzan and the Jewels of Opar.
In this outing Tarzan finds himself broke ass broke. This is important, because he’s not the simple jungle dweller you might be used to. He’s Lord Greystroke living on an estate and he basically has his own small tribal army. He’s still primitive in that he wears a loincloth, but he’s one smart dude. His solution to his destitution is to head down to the lost city of Opar and basically steal some of their treasure. Tarzan basically reasons that the strange dwellers there don’t know about the treasure, nor would they really care about it so it’s not exactly stealing. Whatever Tarzan, at least Conan is upfront with his looting.
In the meantime one of Tarzan’s enemies, a bad Arab that has some interchangeable middle Eastern name like Abdul, has his evil Belgian (man you don’t see many evil Belgians these days) henchman try to steal Jane for ransom. Instead of doing that, the Belgian follows Tarzan on his loot finding mission so he can steal some too. While Tarzan is in a cave getting the gold and what not, there’s an earthquake that not only traps Tarzan and the Belgian, but gives Tarzan a case of amnesia that sets him back to ultra primitive ape-man Tarzan.
The rest of the book is basically characters getting captured, bumping into each other randomly, escaping, getting recaptured, and then bumping into each other randomly again. It’s the kind of thing that would never get published today, but it’s made more fun by the fact that you’re reading an old paperback.
I thought it would be fun to do a total at the end of the book like Joe Bob Brigg’s review style. I hope he doesn’t get angry that I’m ripping him off here. I just find it super fun to do this:
4 lions dead at the hands of the Ape-man, 1 mad elephant, 1 mad Arab, multiple kidnappings, 1 case of amnesia, dozens of dead tribesmen, dozens of dead Arabs, a jungle full of beasts, cultist-fu, spear-fu, ape-fu, heads do not roll, Vincent says check it out.