Hey kids, you probably forgot that I actually read books sometimes like a real Bill Shakespeare. Well, I do though not for awhile. I’ve been reading a lot of cheap comic books, but I did read Republic Commando Triple Zero awhile back and I recently found my notes so I could compile my notes and come up with a brand new book report for y’all. Enjoy!
Star Wars: Triple Zero by Karen Traviss
Book Report by Vincent
Triple Zero is the sequel to the book Hard Contact by Karen Traviss. In Triple Zero the clones go to the Republic capital planet Coruscant because some real jackasses are blowing up clone army targets. A sargent that helped trained the clone commandos decides he’s going to form an elite unit to take down the “terrorists” who are attempting to cripple the Republic war effort. Basically, it’s the clones going to Iraq.
Now that’s a promising start. You’ve already got explosions and the promise of lots of dead terrorists like you’d find in one of the popular suspense novels that idiots read. It’s very promising start. You’ve got two Mandalorian dudes (like Boba Fett), an ARC trooper (super bad ass clone trooper), and TWO friggen squads of Commandos. You’d think this book would rock harder than Van Halen opening for Led Zepplin, but you’d be wrong. Dead wrong. There is a lot of talk about in this book about feelings. I swear to god I Nicolas Sparks wrote this book. One particularly aggravating moment is when the Jedi chick that falls in love with one of the Commandos (WTF?!) talks to his commander about their feelings. I had to yell at the book, “Why are you talking?! Why aren’t you blowing up robots and shit?!”
To make matters worse, the Jedi chick gets pregnent and then everyone is angry about that for a few more pages. FEELINGS!
This is going to anger my huge female readership, but you can tell this book is written by a woman. If a dude bro wrote this, there’d been minimal talk about how everyone was feeling and more blowing shit up. That’s the book I wanted to read. I’m going to go chug a beer and watch some monster trucks crushing cars to make myself feel better.