Book Report: My Mom’s Thoughts on Twilight

twilight_book_cover

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

Book Report by My Mom

Today’s book report is actually from my Mom who happened to borrow the paperback of Twilight from a friend. There’s a couple of things you should know before going in. The first is my Mom has read almost every vampire book ever written. The second is that she’s not a writer herself, so the review is done via interview with me. Enjoy!

Robot’s PJs: What did you think about Twilight?

Mom: I didn’t like it.

Robot’s PJs: Why didn’t you like it?

Mom: It was… I don’t know. I didn’t like it.

Robot’s PJs: There has to be a reason.

Mom: It’s just a stereotypical Romeo and Juliette. He’s wrong for her and she’s wrong for him, but true love will triumph.. eeeeehhh. I think it’s lame. I like good vampire stories, but the heroine is a kind of stupid, dopey kid. My biggest thing is that it wasn’t scary enough. It’s written from the teenage viewpoint with all their problems and all that crap.

As I was reading it, it finally got to the point that there was another vampire and he was attacking her. Well, I didn’t think it was scary to me. A vampire story is supposed to be scary. It didn’t have the punch it needed. I was like ehhhh. That’s one of the big things right there. You want a good scary vampire book, read Salem’s Lot.

Robots Pjs: What did you think about Edward?

Mom: Naaa… I don’t really care for Edward. He’s full of crap.

Robot’s PJs: What about the writing quality?

Mom: The writing was okay, not anything spectacular. I can’t believe the woman is making a million bucks on it.

Robot’s PJs: Did you like the fact that vampires can go out in daylight?

Mom: No, I didn’t like that. I think that’s not right. He’s not supposed to be able to go out in sunlight. I think that’s stupid. Sparkling, twinkling skin. What the?

Robot’s PJs: What do you think about the critics that say that Meyer spends a lot of time describing Edward and hardly any on Bella?

Mom: Its paragraphs about Edward. I don’t even know what Bella looks like, but you get this all about Edward is supposed to be a god or something. I don’t know what Bella looks like, except she’s got kind of long hair.

Robot’s PJs: Do you think that Twilight is a good example for young girls?

Mom: I don’t think so. It encourages them to disregard moral and ethical things. He’s a vampire for God’s sake! Sure they aren’t killing right now, but he has. It would be like getting involved with a murderer or drug addict.

Robots PJs: Did you see the movie? That might be better.

Mom: No, and I’m not going to.

Robots PJs: Are you going to read any of the other books?

Mom: No, I’m not reading any more of them because I don’t like the premise of the whole thing.

Robots PJs: Don’t you want to find out if Bella gets with the werewolf?

Mom: I could care less. He could eat her for all I care.

  • Love it. She definitely gets her point across!

  • Winnie

    Your mom is one funny lady! :)
    It might be a better story if Bella WAS eaten by the werewolf.

  • DaveP

    I actually agree with her. I quite like the films but I read the first book and it’s dull to the point of tedium. I won’t be reading the others.

  • Ha! Awesome review!

  • I agree with you mom. What the whole Twilight crap (it doesn’t even rate ‘saga’) is a sarcastic vampire killer like James Woods. Think about it… There’s a passionate scene & everyone is being lovie-dovie. Then a stake goes thru as you hear: “He won”t be sniffing around you once a month!”

  • Ur Dad

    Your mom sounds like a whiny old lady. But then again I got to live with her.

  • I loved your mom!! yeah she got everything right.. The Oatmeal made a comic about this and it was great http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight very funny too.

  • Chris Piers

    This is hilarious.