Book Report: Firestarter


I have a goal to read all of Stephen King’s works, even if it kills me. I started this goal because I realized I’d read about a half of his books already and had enjoyed them, so I might as well read the rest. I recently ran across a copy of Firestarter which was almost brand new, but obviously came from when the movie version had hit theaters.

I hadn’t read a Stephen King book in awhile, so I had forgotten that I’m totally his bitch. Every word on the page is constructed so I must keep reading. I can’t stop. It’s like his words are the literary equivalent to hostess cupcakes and I’m an obese twelve year old with no boundaries. You see in this scenario, my parents divorced when I was four and they feel guilty so they let me do whatever I want and the one thing I love to do is eat because it momentarily deadens the pain and… oh uh, where was I going? Oh yeah, I’m Stephen King’s bitch.

Anyway, here’s the book report:

Firestarter – By Stephen King

Book Report By Vincent

Firestarter tells the story of Drew Barreymore and her dad, Andy, who are on the run from a government agency known as The Shop. The Shop wants Drew and her dad because she can set people’s faces on fire with her thoughts, kind of like the guys that can make peoples’ heads explode in Scanners, except that Michael Ironside is not in this book. There’s a lot of suspenseful stuff in Firestarter and the dad is like freaking out about what happened to get them up to this point and how they are going to escape. And then there’s like this big Indian guy who has only one eye, yet he’s sensitive enough to have a big shoe collection. He’s up to no good.

The dad and Drew occasionally get help, but when they are holed up for the winter at their deceased grandfather’s cabin and you think they are safe, it’s like OH SNAP when it turns out there’s one dude in the nearby town who is actually an agent for the Shop. When I read that I yelled, “No way!” and my wife looked at me like I was retarded.

The guy in charge of the evil government dudes is like, “Look crazy Indian, you got to go in there and get them” and the Indian guy is all, “I’m doing it on my terms” and then you know the shit is going to hit the fan when the badass hitman is throwing around ‘tude like Mardi Gras beads to girls going wild. It’s like No Country For Old Men, but less talk about dumb horses.

Drew and her pop end up getting kidnapped and are held prisoner by The Shop. The dad gets fat and hooked on the drugs they are giving them and the girl shuts down. Then the smarty Indian guy weeds his way into her good graces and then the dad comes up with an escape plan.

The ending isn’t exactly what I hoped for. Sure she goes nuts and burns people up, but it’s not as big of a firey apocalypse as it could have been. I mean, she could have blown up some tanks or jet fighters or something. It wouldn’t have made sense in the story, but it sure would have been cool.

Overall Firestarter is a kickass book that you should read, but don’t take my word for it.

Side Note: I’m tinkering with the format of these book reports to make them into something more than me talking about books you care nothing about. Let me know if you like the direction I’m heading.

  • I like it! (But I also liked them before…)

    It’s a weird combination of comedy and butt jokes ;) and an actual book review. Usually you just see one or the other, but I am actually reading these like book reviews.