Bag of Bones by Stephen King
Book Report by Vincent
It’s my goal to read every single Stephen King book published. I’m not sure why. I guess it’s because I always find his books entertaining and since I’ve read about half of them anyway, I might as well go the distance. I picked up Bag of Bones thinking that it would be another easy read to check off the giant list of King books before I moved on to some crazy book about vampire robots. I was wrong.
It takes forever to get this thing to start. Mike Noonan’s is a writer (surprise, the protagonist is a writer!) whose wife dies at an early age. Good old Mike is sad and deals with this loss and his writer’s block for like a hundred and fifty pages. To help himself move on, he decides to move the summer cabin he and his dead wife own in Maine (surprise!). Then there’s ghosts and an old guy who is a really big mean jerk.
I guess my biggest problem with Bag of Bones is it’s so goddamned slow moving. It takes literally hundreds of pages before the plot hooks you at all. Another problem (and maybe a bigger one) is that it feels like the protagonist, Noonan, is so close to Stephen King that I can’t help picturing him when I read it. That’s a huge problem, because at a certain point Noonan starts having sexual urges and desires for a much younger woman. I couldn’t help imagine King bucking on top of this beautiful young woman. Fucking gross.
Even thought the book started getting “good,” I began to lose interest toward the end. I just really couldn’t make myself care about the conspiracy/ghost story King had conjured up and it really wasn’t worth waiting roughly five hundred pages to get to. By the end of Bag of Bones I just wanted it to be over, which is a shame because I normally dig any King book I read.
I’ve read that they are making a movie version of Bag of Bones. As it stands right now, there’s no reason for me to go see it. However, if there’s lots of tits and someone buys me Junior Mints, that’s another story. Oh yeah, maybe there could be a transforming robot and a Robert Mitchum space man. Now, that would be worth my time.
Oh yeah, before I forget… at the end of my copy of Bag of Bones there’s an interesting note from King that I thought would provide some insight into the writing of the book. Instead, it was just a sales pitch for Hearts in Atlantis. Lame ass lame.