Last night, Marvel shared the first teaser trailer for Ant-Man at the tail end of their 2-hour premier of Agent Carter on ABC. Chris and Vincent break it down.
Chris: It doesn’t really focus too much on either the humor or the action that we can presumably expect. So you could say this is a bit underwhelming. But fans also thought the first teaser for Guardians of the Galaxy looked underwhelming and it ended up being huge. So it’s probably just the marketing folks trying to convey the overall idea in this first teaser and we can probably expect some more fun stuff in the first real trailer. The movie doesn’t come out until July so that’s a ways away.
Vincent: Yeah, there was a lot less humor than I thought there would be, but I’m guessing Marvel is just trying to get the concept out there without going crazy at first. Yep, this guy can ride ants and yes, there will be action like in the other films you like by us.
Vincent: I’ve driven over this bridge a bunch of times. I used to live in the Bay area. I don’t recall seeing any superhero battles near it. I did see a decent sized fishing boat stuck to the side of it though. That was kind of cool.
Chris: That’s the Bay Bridge that connects rich, high-tech San Francisco to working-class, blue collar Oakland. Get it? This movie is about bridging that divide!
Chris: Ooo, Paul Rudd is one smoldering crook. He’s playing Scott Lang, who in the comics was a former crook who reformed and became a tech guy who helped build the Avengers security system. He used that knowledge to steal the Ant-Man suit from Hank Pym and try to steal again to help his daughter, Cassie. Instead, he found out the guy he was gonna steal from had kidnapped the doctor that could help his daughter. So he lucked into being a hero. Hank Pym saw the nobility in him and let him keep the suit. I’m sure this will not follow that literally, but we do seem to see Scott Lang dressed in a cat burglar outfit. But he’s been caught by the cops.
Vincent: tldr; he’s a crook with a heart of gold.
Vincent: Man, what a dream set up. You could watch so many different pornos at once.
Chris: Why is Hank Pym already spying on Scott Lang as he gets arrested? Maybe Scott has just stolen from Hank and Hank called the cops? Or Scott works at Pym’s company?
Vincent: He is watching security footage and is pleased with his Ant-Fu.
Chris: There’s a LOT of shots of Scott Lang looking somber. Here’s just one of them and I cut most of the others. We get it, he has some serious choices to make.
Vincent: Sad sacks = serious superhero drama!
Vincent: Ant Man? More like sexy bad boy man. Am I right, ladies?!
Chris: Escorted out of prison with a boo boo. What a bad boy. I wish he did one of his moves from Wet Hot American Summer here, like putting on his sunglasses or a super-exaggerated double take.
Chris: Yup, this movie sure takes place in San Francisco. But that’s cool. New York is used all the time for superheroes.
Vincent: This is really opening the door for the West Coast Avengers movie that I desperately want to see.
Vincent: An old white man talking. That’s what’s going to sell this movie to the kids.
Chris:Where is Hank Pym in this scene? An office? It looks like a police interrogation room. Anyway, around here there’s a voice over by Michael Douglas as Hank Pym where he says:
“Scott, I’ve been watching you for a while now. You’re different. Now don’t let anyone tell you that you have nothing to offer. Second chances don’t come around all that often. I suggest you take a really close look at it. This is your chance to earn that look in your daughter’s eyes. To become the hero that she already thinks you are. It’s not about saving our world. It’s about saving theirs. Scott. I need you to be the Ant-Man.”
Chris: This lab looks pretty low-tech for a dude that has a Hank Pym company. Is this his early work? Or has he retired and that’s why there needs to be a new Ant-Man?
Vincent: I’d love to answer that question for you, but I’ve got something on my mind. You know what I couldn’t stop thinking while watching this trailer? That Michael Douglas had said he had gotten cancer from going down on his wife. Sorry. I just couldn’t get that out of my head.
Vincent: I hate kids. I hope that there’s not a scene where a bad guy threatens his kids and Ant Man is like, “Nobody, messes with my FAMILY!”
Chris: That’s Scott Lang’s daughter, Cassie. In the comics she gets sick and that’s why Scott is desperate for money. She looks pretty okay here.
Chris: Meanwhile, if you look in the background of this office, you see bald bad guy Darren Cross followed by Hank Pym’s daughter, Hope Van Dyne. I’ll give the comics history of them later. My question is what’s up with an office that uses so much blue light?
Vincent: They hate masturbaters so much that they are ever vigilant to catch them via UV light revealed stains.
Chris: Scott Lang seems pretty impressed with Hank Pym’s secret lab. But honestly, it doesn’t seem that amazing to me. I’m jaded. I’ve seen Tony Stark’s lab.
Vincent: Lang’s highest degree is probably a GED, so any science looking thingy is going to impress him.
Chris: If you look closely, the logo says Pym and the graphic is particles that are connected. Not sure how the shrinking abilities work in the movie but in the comics, Hank Pym discovers subatomic particles that he dubs Pym Particles and if you ingest them, you shrink but retain (or even grow) your strength.
Vincent: If he can limit the growing ability and put it into dick pills he’d be the most powerful person in the Marvel universe.
Vincent: I don’t know who this is, but I assumed he was evil because he’s bald. There’s only one good bald guy in comics and this isn’t him.
Chris: This is the bad guy of the movie, Darren Cross, played by Corey Stoll who was great in House of Cards and saddled with the worst wig of all time on The Strain. In the comics, Darren Cross ran Cross Tech, a competitor of Stark Industries and Oscorp. Darren honestly is not a huge character in the comics at all. Cross Tech isn’t overly important either. Once, Hawkeye worked for them as their head of security after he left the Avengers and needed a job. Down the road, Cross Tech was run by Darren’s cousin who was secretly the villain Crossfire. But Crossfire didn’t really have powers. He was a rogue CIA agent. It’s too confusing to go into and there’s no way the movie will use any of it.
Vincent: I hope not. I’m already suicidally bored.
Chris: Here’s Evangeline Lily as Hope Van Dyne. It’s hard to say what they might use from the comics for her. In the comics, Hope is the daughter of Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne (Wasp) in one possible future. As in, she does not exist in the current comic continuity. For the film, they’ve put Hank Pym one generation older than Scott Lang instead of contemporaries. The fact that Hope uses her mother’s last name implies she is not close to her father in this. So the movie is obviously about father/daughter relationships. Hope also goes by Red Queen in the comics, basically an evil version of Wasp. But does that mean she’s evil in this? Maybe, maybe not.
Vincent: Probably not. Marvel movies only have like two female superheroes/villains in them, so one more might be overkill.
Vincent: Boring! Get to the explosions!
Chris: He is willing to be a hero… for his daughter. Deep.
Chris: Gotta say, I do love the look of the Ant-Man outfit. Not as goofy as in the original books but absolutely has the right colors and helmet.
Vincent: Looks pretty great. Can’t wait till the helmet is all broken off at the end of the movie. (That was sarcasm)
Vincent: He just learned of Pym’s anti-masturbation policies.
Chris: The only laugh in the trailer. Hank does his info dump quoted above and Scott just goes, “Huh!”
Chris: I’m gonna guess this is Scott Lang doing an Ant-Man suit test because he seems to be in a clinical environment and is giving a dorky thumbs up.
Vincent: Or he’s saying goodbye to John Connor.
Chris: Did you love this, Vincent? He shrinks and lands in a three point stance!
Vincent: Of course I did! You only know someone is a totally bad ass hero if they do a 3 point stance!
Chris: I’m not convinced a flying ant’s wings would make helicopter-like sound, even if you were small. But I’m no physicist or audio engineer. Oh, that’s one of Ant-Man’s powers. He doesn’t just shrink, his helmet allows him to control ants.
Vincent: Ants that fly? What will they think of next?! Also, ants aren’t that ugly compared to other insects. Could you imagine if he controlled millipedes? I’d never watch that movie.
Vincent: Our bad boy is in jail. This is probably where he gets his boo boos that we saw earlier.
Chris: I wonder what the prison fight is about? And what’s Paul Rudd gonna do in a fight? Act adorable?
Vincent: If he flashed me some puppy dog eyes I know I couldn’t punch him.
Chris: Full size Ant-Man tosses a security dude through a window pretty handily. Guess he’s got some moves. Or maybe the suit helps?
Vincent: I thought he had the strength of an ant. Maybe I’m thinking of Spider-Man, but with spiders.
Vincent: I sure hope there’s lots of heart string tugging family scenes!
Chris: Don’t worry, the hero will take his mask off at every opportunity.
Chris: Damn! Paul Rudd got some abs!
Vincent: He needs to work on those pecs though. I wonder if there’s a scene where he explicitly states, “I may be named Ant-Man, but my dick is normal size!” because that would be something I’d have to express at every opportunity.
Chris: Is this Hope Van Dyne training in kickboxing? Who is she kicking? Cuz it sort of looks like Scott. Maybe it’s a real fight. Looks like a gym though.
Vincent: Who knows with women. Maybe he didn’t take out the trash like he was supposed to or hasn’t talked about her feelings enough. Am I right, guys?
Chris: There’s a lot of quick shots at this point. One has a bunch of lab techs fleeing Pym’s lab. Then this has sort of military type guys storming a mansion or something.
Vincent: It’s too fast to tell without any sort of context. They should have taken the opportunity to show more shirtless Paul Rudd shots.
Chris: Darren Cross is mad. The actor has said he will play Yellowjacket in the movie as a bad guy. In the comics, Yellowjacket is just a new name that Ant-Man goes by (Hank Pym has almost half a dozen different superhero names because none of them are that rad: Ant-Man, Giant Man, Goliath, Yellowjacket, Wasp). Yellowjacket was Hank Pym’s lowest point in comics. He inhaled an experimental chemical and became schizophrenic. He forgot he was Hank Pym. Eventually he got over that and continued as an Avenger but attacked an enemy who had surrendered from behind. The Avengers had a court martial and Hank actually built a robot to attack during the trial that only he could stop, so that he could convince his teammates to forgive him. He didn’t stop it but his wife, the Wasp, did. She then divorced his dumb ass. Eventually he got forgiven. I think in the movie they’ll ignore that soap opera crap and just make a separate badguy called Yellowjacket.
Vincent: You are a nerd.
Chris: Hope has a gun. Danger. Meh.
Vincent: Maybe she’s shooting a bullet that’s actually Ant-Man!
Chris: You joke, but there is precedent! Exhibit A, your honor:
Chris: Moving on…
Vincent: Ugh! Spoiler! Now I know he rides ants!
Chris: Okay, riding a flying ant is pretty cool. More of this would be fun.
Chris: And it ends with Hank telling Scott he needs to be Ant-Man and Scott asking if it’s too late to change the name. I don’t know if that’s the joke you should make because it sort of undercuts how you want to make Ant-Man cool.
Vincent: I thought it worked. It would have been better if he had just farted, but this works too.
Chris: Coming in July. Will you see it? I will.
Vincent: I’ll see it with you. We can hold hands.