Each year Vincent puts together a list of worst Halloween costumes, because it’s one of the funniest and easiest posts one can write during Halloween. This year the Robot’s Pajamas team decided to analyze the worst costumes being sold as a team. Agree? Disagree? Have a suggestion? Reply below and let everyone know.
Chris: This is called the “Sexy Hulk Hogan” costume. Proving that the costume industry is willing to make everything, even the least sexy thing, into a sexy version.
Vincent: I disagree. Hulk Hogan is incredibly sexy from his 24 inch pythons to his skullet. However, I don’t find ladies with mustaches particularly sexy. Humorous? Yes. Sexy, no. By the way, here’s an interesting thread where guys discuss Hulk Hogan’s arm size. It’s good stuff.
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Chris: Sexy… corn. This feels like a Midwesterner was put up to a dare.
Vincent: You’re not from the Midwest so you obviously don’t know the incredibly sexual nature of corn. I’ll give you a free pass on this one, Chris.
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Vincent: This one’s called “Office Tramp.” I’ve never seen anyone wear an outfit like this. I doubt it would pass most dress codes.
Chris: If someone wore this to a party, I don’t think I’d “get” what it’s supposed to be. But I also probably wouldn’t complain.
Vincent: You’d certainly complain if you’d seen most of the people I’ve worked with in that outfit.
Vincent: The Girl Scouts seems like a worthy cause for young girls to learn all kinds of valuable life skills. This costume seems like a worthy cause to turn on people with a pedophilia streak.
Chris: Just… inappropriate. I can believe a dude being into this. But does any girl grow up dreaming of being a sexy Girl Scout? That seems… implausible.
Chris: This is called the “Sassy Coca Cola” costume. What is going on in your head when you decide you really want to promote a brand that’s doing just fine?
Vincent: I don’t think it’s about promoting a brand. It’s about having a mental and spiritual connection to a carbonated soft drink and expressing that connection in the form of an needlessly expensive dress and dumb hat.
Vincent: I think that the over-militarization of police is a huge issue. This costume is really heading in the right direction. I also like the little sexy tie. Cops are too casual these days.
Chris: On the other hand, does this truly provide the defense an officer of the law requires? I have my doubts. I may have to sit down and interview her about her choices.
Chris: If you dress your prisoners like this, there will be problems at your correctional facility. Just a heads up.
Vincent: What is it about women in prison that turns dudes on? I saw some women in prison documentaries and boy. Not hot.
Vincent: I actually mocked this costume last year and it was the teen version that looks almost exactly like the adult version. And my best guess is that this lady does not even remotely like nerds.
Chris: What do all these costumes have in common? They are super empowering. What girl doesn’t dream of being a nerd’s ideal lady? That perfects my sarcasm quota. And there’s still so many more costumes to go!
Chris: This is the most expensive women’s costume. I would argue that if you look that good, any dress you already own will do fine for a “costume.”
Vincent: It’s a rich hot person’s idea of a great costume.
Vincent: You know what’s funny about costumes like this $800 Batman costume? More than likely people would look down at you if you wore it to a comic convention. “Oh, that’s just the store bought version.” So you know the serious people who are going to wear this sort of thing multiple times are out of the market. I kind of wish I had 800 bucks to blow on a costume I’d wear just once.
I also need to go on a rant. I liked the Arkham Asylum games, but I hated how muscle bound Batman was in them. He looks ridiculous and not at all flexible for some of the acrobatics he has to do. This costume is the perfect embodiment of the huge plastic freak version of Batman in those games.
Chris: The sculpted muscle look is so 1989. Today’s armored Batman would totally give this guy a wedgie. Because he is wearing underpants.
Chris: This costume is over two hundred bucks. I am curious why the most expensive men’s outfits are Batman. Are there folks using it to actually fight crime?
Vincent: No. More than likely they’re going to some bar and trying to hit on the “I love Nerds” costume girl, because nerds like Batman.
Chris: This is one of the worst-reviewed costumes out there. I guess it’s $800 for Batman or nothing!
Vincent: I’ve got to fess up. This 60s Batman costume made my “Best Of” list last year. I’ll hang my head in shame. This goes to show you can’t ever praise anything. Odds are in your favor that if you’re negative, you’ll be right.
Chris: For whatever it’s worth, I far prefer this one to the other two.
Chris: One of the cheapest “costumes” available. I am in the camp that believes a t-shirt does not equal a costume.
Vincent: I would agree generally that costumes are not a t-shirt. This is what the double ultra lazy where to a costume party. If you’re not even going to try, don’t wear anything at all. Just be one of those people.
Chris: Also? Memes make for really uncreative costumes.
Chris: This is a deep cut reference. The shirt this happy dork is wearing was what some characters in season 2 of True Blood wore. That’s about five years ago.
Vincent: Really lost me on this one. I’m just glad someone with a mental disability was able to get a job as a model. It really warms my heart.
Vincent: This is the cheapest ladies costume available. Chris pulled this one up and I have almost zero modern pop culture knowledge. Is this a Lady Gaga costume? I’m just going to with that. Pro Tip: If you’re single and looking to mingle, I’d hit on the Lady Gaga costume before the Coke bottle costume.
Chris: I don’t think it’s supposed to be Lady Gaga. Is it? I was guessing… 80s Future Girl?
Vincent: This is a costume based on the idea that George Washington was a creepy weirdo. And see that review? That’s a person in Canada complaining they didn’t get their costume.
Chris: Of course the costume isn’t in Canada. General Washington would never set food outside of the good ‘ol U.S. of A.!
Vincent: Right, they were probably just going to do use it to do something horrible to his image anyway. We’re on to you, Canada!
Chris: How many years do you think costume stores hang on to outdated costumes?
Vincent: To answer your question, I think this guy is still relevant, but give it another year and it will be collecting dust next to the Love Guru costume.
Vincent: Hey, it’s guy that likes the idea of Halloween, but really can’t commit to anything, so he just ends up looking like an asshole.
Chris: You don’t know. Maybe his costume was “asshole.”
Chris: If a friend comes to your party wearing this? Run.
Vincent: There’s no way I could see this being a problem with law enforcement.
Vincent: This is all sorts of wrong. I mean, on a fundamental level.
Chris: It’s amazing how easily the Simpsons can go from these beloved cartoons to just pure horror on the level of Lovecraft.
Chris: Nightmare fuel! Nightmare fuel! Nightmare fuel!
Vincent: I’d almost argue that this doesn’t belong on a “worst” list. Halloween is supposed to be scary, which is something most people who dress up in costume ignore. As a scary costume, it wins. But here’s where it fails: The guys that dress up really scary are the ones that hang out in the bar being weirdos all night staying in character or jumping out of bushes. You’re not fun. Stop it.
Chris: This is an adult’s costume. If Drax looked like this, Guardians of the Galaxy would have bombed.
Vincent: Agreed. Also, Drax had to be everyone’s least favorite Guardian, so a costume where you look like you’ve skinned him and are wearing him is easily a shelf warmer.
Chris: It looks like Fred dressed up in his wife’s clothes.
Vincent: The Robot’s Pajamas: body shaming since 2007. You’re welcome, fatties!
Chris: This couple’s costume is Robin Hood and… Lady Robin Hood?
Vincent: Sexy female Robin Hood kind of works, but that dude costume is so cheap. I loathe the foam boots. Just buy some cheap boots at Goodwill or Walmart! *geek brain melts down*
Vincent: So this is still a thing. Somehow.
Chris: I want to dress up as a thing I like that helps highlight my politics. The Duck Dynasty assholes are laughing all the way to the bank.
Vincent: Look out, baby! There’s a sexy nerd lady looking to mate!
Chris: If you want to ruin your kid’s life as fast as possible, this is a great way to start.
Chris: This is listed in the “funny” section of costumes. Because being pregnant and going to school is a laugh riot.
Vincent: Is this a step above or below the pregnant nun costume? Answer: They’re both equally terrible for humorless idiots.